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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not going on date if he won't pick me up?

356 replies

simpleskmonwent · 17/04/2019 12:40

It's my 3rd date with this guy.
He suggested on Saturday to go for a drive into the country and go for lunch and look around this village.
I thought that sounded great.
I live 25 min drive from him or 50 min train journey to his local city.
He said can you meet me at (his local train station) so that's a extra train and another 20 mins.
I said can we not meet in your city centre train station (as only 1 train for me) he said he couldn't park easy there.
So I have to get two trains and a 1hr 10 min journey to then go on a drive.
It's just putting me off.
Aibu here if I didn't go.
Then after a hours drive in the country he will drop me off at the train station for a 1hr journey and he drives 5 mins home.

OP posts:
Megan2018 · 17/04/2019 15:37

My now DH used to drive 1.5hrs every time to see me! And when I visited his house he used to drive down to pick me up as well even though I had a car. He liked spending time with me in the car.
Ditch him OP. He is no keeper!

Aridane · 17/04/2019 15:37

I think it's unusual for a couple not to have had sex by the 3rd date

Is this right these days Blush?

Megan2018 · 17/04/2019 15:38

@Aridane
In my experience yes

NameChangeNugget · 17/04/2019 15:41

It sounds like neither of you can really be arsed

magicstar1 · 17/04/2019 15:45

If he's wanting sex, he'll expect you to hop on, do all the work, then take yourself home. Ditch him OP...he's a waste of time.

Lweji · 17/04/2019 15:47

It's all about investment.
Women are the ones often left holding the baby. If a man can't be bothered to find a compromise on a date or drive to pick you up, then he doesn't come across as a good partner in life and in parenting.
He's just not good relationship material.

Numptysod · 17/04/2019 15:50

I would pick you up - your going for a drive so what’s the issue?

gilchrist168 · 17/04/2019 15:58

See if you can find yourself a nice train spotter who will meet you at any station.
This guy can't even be arsed to learn how to park he is that idle.

Belenus · 17/04/2019 16:00

I think it's unusual for a couple not to have had sex by the 3rd date.

Nope. I have had sex on the 2nd date before but it's not usual or compulsory. Timing varies a lot. If someone is more of a known quantity, so a friend of a friend or someone I've known for a while it's different. But if I met someone on a dating site I would not be confident enough in them to have sex with them on the 2nd date. No way.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 17/04/2019 16:00

that sounds like an awful lot of effort just for a date, can you be arsed?

Why don't you just go for lunch at a place near you?

managedmis · 17/04/2019 16:08

Maybe he's setting the scene now, nothing worse than only one driver in a relationship where the other expects to be driven

^^

He's certainly setting the scene

managedmis · 17/04/2019 16:09

Why don't you just go for lunch at a place near you?

^

Because its harder for him

Remember?

Original poster
simpleskmonwent · 17/04/2019 16:11

I can't really be bothered with it tbh.
I don't really fancy him loads anyway.
I do drive I just don't have a car at the minute since my old one failed it's mot
Will be getting one soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
simpleskmonwent · 17/04/2019 16:12

I've travelled to him previously and he drove both times.
I suggested he take the train and we meet half way and had a drink with lunch but he didn't want too.

OP posts:
PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 17/04/2019 16:14

@ CherylCheshire I think it's unusual for a couple not to have had sex by the 3rd date

Are you for real ? Not everyone drops their drawers for a bloke they barely know

Foxmuffin · 17/04/2019 16:16

Dump him. If he can’t be bothered now, when he should be on his best behaviour it’s not setting a great precedent.

As soon as you settle for less than you deserve, you’ll get even less than you settled for.

RogueV · 17/04/2019 16:16

Yea I wouldn’t bother op.
He’s not really trying hard is he?

Sod that. When me and now dh started dating we using to travel from blackpool to NI sometimes only for a few hours just so we could see each other

frazzledasarock · 17/04/2019 16:18

I’m with the majority, ditch him, he’s expecting you to do all the running around and putting minimum effort in. And at this stage he should be pulling out all the stops to impress you,

I don’t drive, DP used to drive and hour to come to me every single time.
He’d always insist on driving me home and this has continued now we live together, he will drop me off and pick me up from train stations he always ensures that as far as he can he makes life easier for us (we now have dc together). As I do for him.

I wouldn’t bother with someone who can’t even be arsed to put himself out five minutes to pick you up from a train station to make life easier for you.

PurpleFlower1983 · 17/04/2019 16:20

Just don’t bother, it shouldn’t be this difficult this early.

WombatChocolate · 17/04/2019 16:22

Are you really excited about seeing him and him seeing you? Doesn't really sound like either of you is that bothered to put yourselves out for the other .....I'd want it to be a two-way excitement at this stage.

Perhaps this drive in the country idea just doesn't work based on where you both are. How about mentioning that and suggesting something else. You'll then be able to gauge how enthusiastic he is and you too.

You're right to consider how keen he is....but also think about your own enthusiasm too - if it's all a bit 'meh' at this stage and too much effort, then give up now.

When I was first with with my now DH I often had to travel 4 hours at a weekend to see him....and I couldn't wait and spent all week looking forward to it. Distance is hard but makes you realise if you can be bothered.

JE17 · 17/04/2019 16:25

I hope the next one's a keeper OP

Guyliner · 17/04/2019 16:29

He should be so happy to spend the time with you that he is happy to be in the car with you. If he can definitely afford petrol and just being lazy, (maybe offer to pay that in case.?) I'd leave it.

recklessgran · 17/04/2019 16:35

I'd dump him. He doesn't sound too invested in you to be honest. I'm old fashioned and expect to be treated like a lady.

Jellybabiesarebabies · 17/04/2019 16:38

I wouldn't bother. I'd pick someone up rather than them do that journey. I'd expect the same back. I'd expect him to actually want to do that. He's not worth it. Find someone better.

NKFell · 17/04/2019 16:40

I think it's unusual for a couple not to have had sex by the 3rd date

Well, that makes me unusual!

Ditch him OP

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