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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘So happy little Johnny got his 1st choice school’

164 replies

Mangetoutrodney · 16/04/2019 20:27

All over social media today with photos ‘So happy that little Johnny got his first choice primary school’

Aibu to think it’s not a bloody competition & it just rubs it in the faces of all the parents that didn’t get any of their choices etc. When did it become a ‘thing’?

Both my kids got their choices of school when they went to primary and start secondary in sept but I never would have dreamt about putting it on social media particularly because I know devastated people that had to go through the stress of appeals. Absolutely bonkers.

OP posts:
Witchtower · 17/04/2019 08:35

I think it’s a massively huge thing. Especially if it’s DC1 as it could be any school. Where I live most do not get their first choice as most have said you need a nice big house next door to the school. Most get second/third choice which tend to be the really shitty schools.

The decision parents have made will have a huge effect on the next 7 years of that child’s life. They will spend more time at school than at home. It will have a part to play in the person your child becomes. It could effect their outcomes in later life.

I’m sorry if people think that is OTT. But where I live it makes a HUGE difference.

Witchtower · 17/04/2019 08:36

Ps going to the nursery attached to the primary school gives you zero priority. You are accepted in the same way as everywhere else. Priority is only given to siblings and children with SEN.

HoraceCope · 17/04/2019 08:36

of course it is not boasting. They are lucky and they are pleased about it.
dont be so grumpy about other peoples good fortune.
School placement is fraught with worry

HoraceCope · 17/04/2019 08:38

Are people not allowed to upload wedding photos or photos of their holiday in case they offend the single.divorced, no holiday brigade?

Spudlet · 17/04/2019 08:38

DS has a speech delay. Some of my FB friends have children of a similar age, who don't have speech delays. Sometimes they post little things about their children saying or doing clever things which my DS cannot, and I don't know if he ever will be able to do. And yes, I get a little bit sad. But that's my problem, not theirs. It's not their fault that they have children who have developed quicker than mine, or that my DC can't speak yet. So I suck it up and scroll by, and sometimes post my own little boasts about DS and his signing. Which of course in itself might upset someone with a child unable to sign! Where does it end? Sometimes you just have to scroll by or close the app and get on with life.

Witchtower · 17/04/2019 08:38

I have a good primary school 0.3 miles away from which I have absolutely no chance of getting into and a shitty school 1.4 miles from me and I’m in there catchment.

freshsmelling · 17/04/2019 08:46

Meh.

Just make sure you hot-house your child and arrange private tutoring in a second language or something. Get them started on an instrument early. Take them to National Trust properties every weekend and work with them on their reading and numbers.

Become a bit of a Tiger Mom.

Who knows? They may end up at Oxford or Cambridge in the end. Play the long game, OP Wink

littlemeitslyn · 17/04/2019 08:48

Really pleased to wake up and realise I am still alive 😁

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 17/04/2019 08:52

Its FB, I'd imagine every day there are thousands of bragging posts or look at me ones. Just hide or delete those who use it for showing off or don't use it.

Bowerbird5 · 17/04/2019 08:54

Another reason I am not a face ache member.

I was lucky when we moved here. Primary school was two minutes walk and less than 40 kids in the SCHOOL! They were delighted we brought three kids. It is outstanding now and people travel in car ( an issue with parking) to go to it. Over 100 now.
We were feeder school for country Secondary so no problems there just not all the city kids could get in but they had five schools anyway. It had a farm until foot and mouth. Lots of the farming kids ran it. Not many schools can boast their own farm, can they?

I really don’t get the social media circus where they make out it is an achievement though I suppose it is for those that win an appeal. I did hear of twins going to separate schools because they couldn’t fit them both in and in our city one parent had four children at three schools across the city. That must be a nightmare.

MrBrown · 17/04/2019 08:55

I agree with PP that it's a very bizarre thing to boast about when it's basically a lucky dip 🤷‍♀️

Seen countless people putting 'Yaaaay Hugo got into X school' type statuses, as if their 4 year old had to do the Mensa IQ test to get in.

AriadnePersephoneCloud · 17/04/2019 08:56

I don't see what the problem is. People are posting because they're happy about getting the school they wanted. Doesn't seem like boasting to me. Let them be happy I say, 😁

outpinked · 17/04/2019 08:56

Facebook is full of self absorbed dicks.

PetrichorRain · 17/04/2019 08:56

Someone on my FB feed posted that their child had got into their first choice, and a mutual friend commented "Well done, Johnnie!". That kind of pissed me off (probably petty because my DS didn't get into our first choice!). It's hardly an achievement!

As it happens, our town has one massive primary school that everyone in the town is in catchment for, and lots of local village schools that no-one in the town is in catchment for. All the schools are good - we choose one of the village schools as our first choice, knowing DS would only get in if we were lucky, but I'm still a bit sad as I really liked it. We selected the big local school as our second choice. But I know parents who selected 3 of the local village schools, not in catchement for any of them, who are now gutted because they've been allocated a random school as they didn't select a safe back-up.

Eliza9919 · 17/04/2019 08:59

@MrBrown Wed 17-Apr-19 08:55:18
I agree with PP that it's a very bizarre thing to boast about when it's basically a lucky dip 🤷‍♀️

Seen countless people putting 'Yaaaay Hugo got into X school' type statuses, as if their 4 year old had to do the Mensa IQ test to get in.

Because it's a lucky dip and they are glad they got their first choice?

Mumminmum · 17/04/2019 09:09

Before social media I had an aunt and uncle who spent a lot of a family party bragging that their son had got an apprenticeship as a shop clerk. At that time there was such a lack of apprentices that not only had both my DH and I received personalized letters at our student dorms to ask if we would like to switch over and become apprentices instead, my parents and all their neighbours had received similar letters "Now apprenticeships can also be for adults. Have you considered retraining as a shop clerk or a plummers apprentice? .. blah blah (Both my parents were civil servants, so no, funnily they weren't that interested). But my aunt and uncle still acted as if it was some kind of accomplishment that their son got the apprenticeship.

GenericHamster · 17/04/2019 09:15

I didn't post on FB about it because I have local friends on there who didn't get their first choice. I did post, before getting the choice, on twitter to say I was nervous because we moved my son just before the deadline and I wasn't sure if the sibling rule would be applied correctly. Later I replied just to say phew it was fine. If people are being super smug I see your point, but some of us were worried then relieved for a multitude of reasons and should be able to express it.

M4J4 · 17/04/2019 09:15

@Ratatatouille

don’t really think there’s anything wrong with it. But to be fair I am not friends with thousands of acquaintances on Facebook, only people who I am actually related to or friends with, so I would be genuinely pleased for them and would see it as them sharing happy news rather than boasting.

FB is not just for friends and relatives though is it? Have you seen how many groups are on FB? You join a group, people add you as a friend and hey presto, you can see their posts unless you mute them.

I mainly use FB for the groups and find this continued use if ‘I’m only friends with people I love’ really outdated.

minipie · 17/04/2019 09:19

Are people not allowed to upload wedding photos or photos of their holiday in case they offend the single.divorced, no holiday brigade?

Yeah this. It’s not boasting (they aren’t saying they are “proud” he got in) it’s just posting something they are happy about.

If you’re likely to be upset by other people’s happy news it’s probably best to avoid social media.

Strugglingtodomybest · 17/04/2019 09:22

It's not something I'd post on fb myself, but it wouldn't annoy me to see it, I'd just assume that the person posting it had been stressed about getting that particular school for some reason and was now relieved and happy. If someone on their 'friends' list doesn't like it then they can mute them or unfriend them or whatever.

Daffodils07 · 17/04/2019 09:23

How is it boasting that people are happy? Not everyone (me included) can even dream of living in an expensive area to get a good school.
I'm just happy that my child got into a school deemed good and that I can be home for my childs sen transport and not have to get to 3 different places at once.
Should we all post doom and gloom? my child with sen will never be independent but I would never dream of being that pathetic to judge people that are happy that other children are doing well.
My parents are not in my life but dont begrudge people talking about how lovely their parents are.
Ffs if you dont like something either block or take social media down.

NWQM · 17/04/2019 09:25

Surely it's only boasting depending on how it's phrased. Being happy - even when some people are unhappy - should be allowed. The person didn't create their unhappiness.

Surely the whole point of social media is to link up and you can't very well do that if you don't 'declare' things that make potential links.

Ifihadapoundd · 17/04/2019 09:26

We didn't get our first choice (I am appealing) but I am happy for everyone that did. I don't understand why people post their lives on Facebook as personally I don't. But each to their own. I just avoided social media yesterday.

Pk37 · 17/04/2019 09:28

I don’t see the problem , it seems more like relief than boasting .
My dd didn’t get her first choice and I was gutted but didn’t begrudge those that did

TurquoiseDress · 17/04/2019 09:45

I do get where you're coming from OP but I just see it as someone expressing relief in some ways!

Last year DC1 did not get their 1st choice primary school, even if they had I don't think I would have posted anything