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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you have young children sharing a room, who goes to bed first?

105 replies

Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 19:11

I am so exhausted from trying to figure this out.
Moved into a bigger house on Saturday and my two younger children now share a room. Except I can't figure out when to put them to bed!!

If the eldest goes first and isn't tired she will scream and scream and scream. If the youngest goes to sleep first, that means the eldest wouldn't get to bed until 8/8.30. Meaning I have zero time to myself as by that point I just want my bed!!

I thought my eldest was asleep so took the baby up, bam she wasn't and now she's howling at the stair gate. But I don't have it in me to bring her back down stairs (I sound like a shit parent, I probably am! But I'm struggling to cope with this)
And I'm worried if I bring down the older one and get the baby asleep, will she wake the baby upon going back to bed?!!

Honestly what do you do?! Please don't suggest an even bigger house Grin

OP posts:
DeathMetalMum · 16/04/2019 19:15

What's the ages of both?

If it's baby and toddler age then we got ready for bed together, I read a story to them both together and then put toddler into bed and gave baby milk (bf to begin with then a cup) while toddler was settling. This worked until about 2&4 and then they went to bed at the same time and I read to them both together.

mnahmnah · 16/04/2019 19:16

Depends on their ages. Mine have shared since DS1 was 5 and DS2 a baby. I have always put DS2 to bed first. After 20-30 mins, i take DS1 up. Sometimes DS2 is still awake, but after an initial chatter he goes quiet and I don’t hear either of them. They’re now 7 and 2.

RRoonilWazlib · 16/04/2019 19:17

My 7yo and 5yo share a room. They have bunk beds and we keep all the toys in their room so we send them up to bed around 20/30 minutes before we actually want them in bed and they play together for a while. We have been lucky in that neither of them have been too bad when it comes to sleep, so I get that this won't work for everyone.

What are your DC's ages?

Beanbag12 · 16/04/2019 19:18

Have always put mine to bed at the same time (2 year age gap, eldest is just 5 and youngest just about to turn 3). I sit with them until they fall asleep. Usually around 7.30ish.

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 19:18

Eldest is 2 and baby is 8 months old.
Reading books wont work as the baby likes complete silence and darkness. And if she goes to bed first then eldest won't get to bed until 8.30, which isn't fair on her when she has been awake since 5am?
Doesn't seem fair on me either Grin I just want my bed!!

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 16/04/2019 19:18

Need the ages

I did have dd (6) and ds(4) sharing a room for a year.

They both went at the same time. However they started to complain about the other waking them up.

We have now rearranged everything so that they each have their own room.

However they both still have the same bedtime

mnahmnah · 16/04/2019 19:18

I should add that I get them both ready/bathed at 6.30. Eldest sits downstairs reading while I get youngest to bed by 7.00. Eldest goes up by 7.30

Waveysnail · 16/04/2019 19:19

Depends on ages of the kids.

hideandgoseek · 16/04/2019 19:20

Mine are 5 and 7 and both go to bed at the same time. We’ve trialled the younger one going up first but never stuck with it. They’re becoming a bit of a nightmare at bed time if I’m honest. They’ll still be away 2 hours after they’ve gone up. It’s driving me mad.

It seems like yours are younger than mine so to spare yourself this hell I’d try and get this sorted out now rather than later on. I’m currently sat on my own bed refusing to go downstairs until they’re asleep.

I’d probably put yours up together while still young then maybe start separate bed times when they’re a year or two younger than mine are now.

EllenRach · 16/04/2019 19:20

Mine are a bit older but one likes peace and quiet and the other is noisier. When they have to share I put them to bed at the same time but the eldest in our room and carry her into her bed once asleep.

IamPickleRick · 16/04/2019 19:20

My middlest, 2, then my eldest 8.

Although if I had to put the 1 yo down in a shared room with 2yo, it would probably still be the same? I’d have to go on who is most likely to wake the other up, or I’d still have the 1yo in my room.

blackteasplease · 16/04/2019 19:21

I've put my youngest to bed first since he was 1 ish.

I have a 5 year gap and older one needs sometime up without the little one. Bit unfair otherwise!

hideandgoseek · 16/04/2019 19:21

If me staying upstairs till they’re asleep doesn’t work after a week or so we’ll start putting the youngest up first. Would rather they went at the same time though.

Waveysnail · 16/04/2019 19:21

We kept the baby in with us for about a year and a half in a travel cot. Then we used to put baby to bed in shared room and older child who was 3ish by then into our bed then transfer them when we went to bed. Most nights we still do this and they are now 5 and 7.

SoyDora · 16/04/2019 19:21

Mine go together (5 and 3 now but have shared since DD2 was a baby).

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 19:22

Looks like I'll just have to wait it out until baby goes to sleep and then put eldest up about 8.30, eurgh. Not looking forward to this lol

OP posts:
iolaus · 16/04/2019 19:23

I'll be honest at 8 months mine never went up until they were fast asleep or I was going to bed

SoyDora · 16/04/2019 19:24

I have always just bathed them, pyjamas on, they’ve got into bed, I read them a story then lights off and leave the room.

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 19:24

Yeah my 8 month old is sound asleep but dd upstairs howling! Cant get up to get her without waking the baby 😫😫

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 16/04/2019 19:25

Put the baby back in your room for a few months. Establish an earlier & quicker bedtime for both. Try again after the baby’s birthday.

SoyDora · 16/04/2019 19:25

Can you try putting them to bed together?

missteddy · 16/04/2019 19:26

@iolaus I'm pregnant with my first so I don't really know what I'm talking about. But if it's time to yourself you want, would it be a good idea to have baby in your room untill they are a bit older?
I'm planning on putting mine in his own room at 6 months but I don't have another child but I'd probably do that if it meant getting the evening to myself without the crying toddler. Good luck Thanks

SheRaTheAllPowerful · 16/04/2019 19:26

Could you not put the baby to sleep in your room then transfer her into her room later on?

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 19:26

Soydora that would never work here!! Since being in her own room my 8 month old has slept through the night!!! If she was in with me she would be up about 6 times.
But if the older one isn't tired she will scream and scream and scream, nothing will make her stop except taking her back down and I dont really wanna do that as I want to go to bed! But i suppose I'm gonna have to

OP posts:
CatWhisker · 16/04/2019 19:27

My dds have always shared and it's never been a problem. The younger dd has always gone earlier and is asleep by the time the older one goes

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