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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you have young children sharing a room, who goes to bed first?

105 replies

Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 19:11

I am so exhausted from trying to figure this out.
Moved into a bigger house on Saturday and my two younger children now share a room. Except I can't figure out when to put them to bed!!

If the eldest goes first and isn't tired she will scream and scream and scream. If the youngest goes to sleep first, that means the eldest wouldn't get to bed until 8/8.30. Meaning I have zero time to myself as by that point I just want my bed!!

I thought my eldest was asleep so took the baby up, bam she wasn't and now she's howling at the stair gate. But I don't have it in me to bring her back down stairs (I sound like a shit parent, I probably am! But I'm struggling to cope with this)
And I'm worried if I bring down the older one and get the baby asleep, will she wake the baby upon going back to bed?!!

Honestly what do you do?! Please don't suggest an even bigger house

OP posts:

Original poster

Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 19:27

No way she's not going back in my room I have managed to sleep 9-5 for the first time in 8 months!! She's never coming back in with me lol

OP posts:

DeathMetalMum · 16/04/2019 19:28

Mine are 6&8 now and still go to bed at the same time. They get a night each up 'late' each week, yes sometimes the piss about for a few hours but mostly they settle down within an hour at the most. Rarely hear from them after 8pm on a school night - though this is gradually pushing towards 8.30 as they get older.

When mine were the same age as op I did similar to my previous post get them ready together, read a story to them both together - mainly for the older one at that age, eldest in bed - lights out for final feed for baby and then put baby in the cot and leave. Wasn't always easy or seamless and did seem to take the whole evening but didn't last for long.

Iggly · 16/04/2019 19:28

Mine go to bed at the same time. Always have done since they shared

If your two year old is up at 5, I’d hazard a guess they might need to be trained to sleep earlier as that’s quite a short sleep. At 2, I had to sit with mine until they settled.

IamPickleRick · 16/04/2019 19:29

I’d move 8mo back in to your room as per incrediblysad’s post. I couldn’t even trust my 2 and 1yo in the same room as he’d climb in with her for a cuddle/fight and they’d never get to sleep.

Soubriquet · 16/04/2019 19:29

Don’t take her downstairs everytime she screams

She learns that screaming=get up

You need to put her back to bed, every single time.

hideandgoseek · 16/04/2019 19:30

@DeathMetalMum Is it constant chatting and giggling in your house after bed time too? That’s what we have here. Shouldn’t get annoyed at them when they’re happy but would just love them to go to sleep within the hour as you say.

Original poster

Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 19:31

See that's what I think, I've had so many problems with her sleep as usually I have and take her downstairs but now the baby is asleep in my (dead) arm so I can't get up without waking her 😫
Eldest dd is still screaming, half an hour that's been going on now

OP posts:

SoyDora · 16/04/2019 19:31

Mine (5 and 3) don’t even talk to each other when they go to bed, they just roll over and go to sleep! They’re always exhausted by bedtime.

Original poster

Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 19:32

Not moving her back into my room, like I said she's starting to sleep through the night and I don't fancy jinxing that.
Plan for tomorrow , baby first and oldest one after

OP posts:

OutdoorApathy · 16/04/2019 19:35

Mine are 7&9 and still go to bed at the same time.
I'm a MN rebel though: story, music and sit with them til they sleep.

Original poster

Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 19:36

Crikey even my 4yr old won't sleep until gone 8!! I obviously dont make kids that like sleep
I could never imagine taking them upstairs and them being asleep within the hour, lmao just wouldn't happen for my kids.

The routine is
Eldest one currently in bed (6.45, really early I know but she hasn't napped today)
Then 8m old whenever she falls asleep (usually conks out in jumperoo)

The last couple of nights it's been baby in bed at 7.30, eldest at 8.15.

OP posts:

Happyelfjokeday · 16/04/2019 19:37

Would your eldest go to sleep in your bed and get transferred to own bed a couple of hours later? Or would that cause more issues?

IncrediblySadToo · 16/04/2019 19:37

You can’t let her scream like that unless you don’t have neighbours.

Travel cot in the lounge until you go to bed?

Eldest needs to know bed means bed. Not bed means scream to get back up. Once she goes upstairs she stays upstairs. End of. Spend Easter returning her to bed every time she gets up. No cuddles, no chat, no eye contact - just put her back in her bed. Again and again. It’ll only take a couple of nights.

If you don’t have an OH ask a very good friend or family member to help by coming over to look after the baby so you can do the ‘return to bed’.

IamPickleRick · 16/04/2019 19:40

Move the middle one in with the eldest. We have that set up as it works better for the way they go to sleep. My SIL has it with the eldest and the baby because that works for them.

DianaT1969 · 16/04/2019 19:40

Why do you think she screams? You can't go on for years with a screaming toddler at bedtime. Overtired/awake and bored? Does she have a nap in the day? Wants more attention since the new baby arrived? Do you have a partner to share the load - put toddler to bed every time she gets up?

IncrediblySadToo · 16/04/2019 19:41

No nap in the day doesn’t help. They get over tired then can’t sleep. She needs a better evening routine so that her body knows when it’s time to sleep. Make dinner/bath/bed set times and establish a routine. Get Big DD sorted first. The baby will fit in around it.

Original poster

Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 19:44

I think she cries because she genuinely isn't tired but she must be? She doesn't nap in the day.
If not that reason it's because she's alone.

DD cannot share with my son, under any circumstances.

Yeah I have my partner but he works evenings. I work first thing in the morning so keen to get to bed!!

OP posts:

Stuckforthefourthtime · 16/04/2019 19:44

Audio books have saved our bedtimes!
I have to do bedtime alone with 4 DC and have it down to a fine art...
DCs age 7, 5, 2.5 and 8 months, older 3 share (by choice!) and youngest in our room
5.45 all eat
6.15 middle ones in bath, eldest in shower, littlest sometimes in bath.
Pjs all round, 7yo goes to do homework downstairs, 5yo either reads to himself or comes with me while I read a book to 2.5yo and do bedtime feed for 8mo

7pm - toddler lights out with an audiobook on my Kindle (Peppa pig is currently popular). Audible has loads, or you can often get second hand cheaply or from the library. The deal is that it goes on with a 15 min timer and I will only start it when I leave the room
Then I go up and put baby to sleep in cot in our room
7yo and 5yo do some reading, quiet play etc then both to bed just before 8

DeathMetalMum · 16/04/2019 19:45

@hideandgoseek Yes giggling, chatting, getting themselves a drink, swapping teddies then deciding they want it back you name it, but I try and leave them to it unless they sound like they're killing each other. Sometimes I pop my head through the door to quietly remind them its bedtime. They have about half an hour of reading time before lights out - (they have nightlights/torches in bed so its dark but they can read) on a school night and they're often calmed down by then but sometimes they're still bouncing off the walls.

JustTwoMoreSecs · 16/04/2019 19:59

I would work on putting them to bed at the same time. They will quickly sleep (even fall asleep) despite the noise from the other one.
Sending you good vibes!

Richmond1972 · 16/04/2019 20:01

i would be inclined to let one go to sleep in my room/bed and just carry them to their own room once both kids are asleep

Indecisivelurcher · 16/04/2019 20:05

OK just my view but based on my shit sleeping children, the massive amounts I've read about sleep etc... it sounds like your eldest is getting nowhere near enough sleep. She's 2 or did I read that wrong? If she doesn't nap, gets up at 5am and then doesn't go to bed until 8, I would say she's probably overtired and wired and that's why she won't (can't) go to sleep. I'd say she needs a rough 12:12 awake:asleep split (11-14hrs it's given as the normal range). So personally I'd be putting her to bed at 6pm! Gives you a couple of hours to work out through if necessary while she's getting used to things, before you put your youngest up.

wejammin · 16/04/2019 20:07

Toddler in your bed with cbeebies radio/audiobook whilst you put baby down, then move her to shared room when you go up? That's what we did with DCs1&2

SushiGo · 16/04/2019 20:07

When you have 3 it takes ages to get them all asleep and that's how it is tbh, I'd concentrate more on keeping it all as calm/quiet as possible.

At these ages we got the younger two ready at the same time, middle one played with eldest for a bit while I got the baby down
Then middle one did stories and teeth in our room went to sleep in our bed,
Then put eldest to bed,
Then moved sleeping middle one into their bed.

When the baby was a bit older the younger two went to bed at the same time every night and we kept doing that until about 5 and 6yo, now we're back to doing youngest first.

SushiGo · 16/04/2019 20:09

6:45 isn't really early for bed either, especially if they get up early. I'd say it's pretty normal.

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