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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if you have young children sharing a room, who goes to bed first?

105 replies

Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 19:11

I am so exhausted from trying to figure this out.
Moved into a bigger house on Saturday and my two younger children now share a room. Except I can't figure out when to put them to bed!!

If the eldest goes first and isn't tired she will scream and scream and scream. If the youngest goes to sleep first, that means the eldest wouldn't get to bed until 8/8.30. Meaning I have zero time to myself as by that point I just want my bed!!

I thought my eldest was asleep so took the baby up, bam she wasn't and now she's howling at the stair gate. But I don't have it in me to bring her back down stairs (I sound like a shit parent, I probably am! But I'm struggling to cope with this)
And I'm worried if I bring down the older one and get the baby asleep, will she wake the baby upon going back to bed?!!

Honestly what do you do?! Please don't suggest an even bigger house Grin

OP posts:
Twickerhun · 16/04/2019 20:10

Same age gap here and we put them to bed at the same time.

Your two year old has a late bed time??!!!

LtGreggs · 16/04/2019 20:12

We put one to sleep in our bed, then transferred to shared room later in evening.

Free bed warmer that way Grin

They are now 12 & 10 and still oftensometimes go to bed in our bed then I half wake them and move later. (No carrying these days!)

Kittykatmacbill · 16/04/2019 20:16

Ours are 4 and 5, at the same time or it’s an utter nightmare.

It’s pretty much always:
1800 tea
1845 up for bath
1910 three storybooks / chapters
1930 lights out and who ever does sits with them until they are asleep.
By 2000 both asleep

lyralalala · 16/04/2019 20:19

Could you not put one of them in with your 4yo instead of in with each toher?

That could be changed down the line when they both sleep better.

autumnnightsaredrawingin · 16/04/2019 20:20

With two that age I would do:

Bath together, both in pyjamas
Baby in quiet dark room having a feed whilst toddler watches iPad for 15 mins in earshot
Baby in bed
Read books in your bedroom with toddler for 20
Mins or so make sure this is ‘special time’ but do a timer so they know when it’s finished that’s it. Baby hopefully settled!
Toddler in bed
Keep popping out of room to ‘do jobs’ saying ‘I’ll be back to check on you in 5 mins’ and keep checking if she won’t settle but always do go back and stay close enough that you can make sure she doesn’t get out of bed!

Good luck!

SoyDora · 16/04/2019 20:21

When you have 3 it takes ages to get them all asleep and that's how it is tbh

Not necessarily! Mine are 5, 3 and 14 weeks. Older two bath, pyjamas, bed and story. I BF the baby while reading the story. Older two asleep within 5 mins of closing the door. Take baby downstairs, finish feeding him and put him in his sleepyhead next to me on the sofa. All done and dusted by 7.30pm!

galaxy101 · 16/04/2019 20:21

Put the 4 year old in with you for a while?

SushiGo · 16/04/2019 21:18

All done and dusted by 7.30pm!

Yes but what time did you start? Mine are older now, but with our 3 under 5 we had dinner at 5.30 then started bedtime routine straight after and were usually done with bedtime by 7.30 or 8. That's 2-2.5hrs!

Dishwashersaurous · 16/04/2019 21:24

It’s quite late bedtime for everyone so probably the screaming is overtiredness

How about baby in bedroom

Then stories in your bed with toddler and for a couple of weeks while all getting used to new house she goes to sleep in your bed. And you carry her across asleep.

Then explain calmly over the next few weeks that after stories she has to sneak into bed like a silent tiny mouse

stucknoue · 16/04/2019 21:37

Mine went together from around 10 months and 2 years, they had stories and the light was turned out. Dd1 would go to sleep, sometimes dd2, but at some point dd2 would scream so she came in with us, once we switched to a toddler bed she just trotted in.

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 21:38

I've only just got rid of the 4yr old too! He was in our room in the last house, it was one of our reasons for wanting to move.

Well she's just gone to bed as I fell asleep on the couch Grin so hope she goes back down!!

OP posts:
SoyDora · 16/04/2019 21:38

Yes but what time did you start?

Upstairs for baths at 6.30pm, all asleep by 7.30pm.

tttigress · 16/04/2019 21:41

It's a bit of a fine line with social media. Most admit I have done the odd post that now seem like "Stealth Boasting". But honestly some people post so much nonsense, that you are occasionally tempted to post about your holidays or whatever.

I am actually trying to limit my social media use at the moment, but I can't really give it up, because all my party invites come through Facebook!!

tttigress · 16/04/2019 21:44

Sorry, I'm an idiot. Posted on the wrong thread! And don't know how to delete (you wouldn't have guessed I work in IT)

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 21:45

No neither of them are going in with DS. I was told to never ever let them share after what he tried at the old house (those were the reasons that led me to putting him in my room!)

The toddler will not sleep in my bed whatsoever, she will just get up and get off and go wandering (yes yes I'm well aware I should parent her 🙄) but she will not listen. That would just add more stress on to me.

She already has a toddler bed, has been in that for about 7 months!

OP posts:
SoyDora · 16/04/2019 21:48

Ah I think I remember one of your past threads. Did you have to put the 4 year old in with you for a while?

SoyDora · 16/04/2019 21:50

Ah sorry I see you’ve just said he was in with you, sorry. Yes I can see why you can’t put either of them in with him, from your last thread.
I think you need to be very firm with your 2 year old. It’s unlikely that she’s not tired when you put her to bed if she’s been up since 5, it’s more likely she is over tired.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 16/04/2019 21:51

It won't be a quick fix, speaking from having 2x non-sleeping children. It took us weeks to get DD to sleep in her bed at a reasonable time.

With DD, she still went to bed at 6:30 at 2yo (blackout blinds a necessity in the summer). Had a story, tucked into bed. I had to sit there initially while she fell asleep, then did the popping in/out while pottering upstairs. I would do as @autumnnightsaredrawingin suggests.

JAMMFYesPlease · 16/04/2019 22:58

Mine are 6 and 3 and go go bed at the same time. My 6yo loves her sleep and will be out like a light. The 3yo plays for a bit and eventually goes down herself.

Thatsashame · 17/04/2019 02:02

I have 3 dc and they all seem to end up in different rooms every night. Initially i take 2 year old to her room. Sometimes her brother aged 4 comes too and they sleep together in her bed. Its a queen bed as it was our old one and we co slept before so me dd and ds so thought we should keep it. Then i take ds aged 5 to bed in his bunk bed. Sometimes ds aged 4 waits and goes to bed with 5 year old and has one bunk each.

Whatever our arrangement 4 year old.will come into our bed at about 2 am. Hence why im awake now as i have insomnia and he wakes me up! And sleeps with dh
Ds aged 5 will wake up at 1 am every night i take jim back to his bunk bed. So far dd doesnt wake up any more but if she dies either she comes tonour bed or one of us goes to hers. Meh.

Doesnt matter to us as they go back to sleep instantly and i like the fact they can pretty much sleep anywhere. Apart from me and bloody pregnancy insomnia
But it wont last.

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 17/04/2019 12:05

Thanks all

OP posts:
Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 17/04/2019 20:30

Well tonight did not go to plan! Ended up putting eldest dd up to bed at 8. Youngest one fell asleep in jumperoo so thought I could make the swift change up to bed but nope she woke up as soon as I put her down!!
Half an hour later I'm no closer to getting her asleep and I'm terrified to even go into dds room incase I wake her Sad why am I shit at getting my kids to sleep?!!

OP posts:
SoyDora · 17/04/2019 20:41

Falling to sleep in the jumperoo doesn’t sound ideal. She isn’t getting any ‘wind down’ before bed, and also is bound to wake when you transfer her.
I would think of my new ‘ideal’ routine (eg bath, milk, teeth brushed, story and bed) and do it. For both of them at the same time. Accept that a few nights are going to be shit, but keep going. Consistency is key.

Thatsashame · 17/04/2019 20:42

Its not easy. Mine have been going to bed at the same time for as long as i can remember. How do you make youngest sleep. I have to lie down with mine. Most parents dont like this but it works for us

Fatted · 17/04/2019 20:46

We had a similar age gap. We kept the youngest in with us until he was about 11 months and his brother was 3. Mainly to avoid them disturbing one another.

They still went to bed at the same time. Just in different rooms. They still go up together now. They're 6 and 4 now. Eldest doesn't really sleep until after youngest has nodded off but he'll sit in bed and read or play quietly.