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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you have young children sharing a room, who goes to bed first?

105 replies

Teddybear080818 · 16/04/2019 19:11

I am so exhausted from trying to figure this out.
Moved into a bigger house on Saturday and my two younger children now share a room. Except I can't figure out when to put them to bed!!

If the eldest goes first and isn't tired she will scream and scream and scream. If the youngest goes to sleep first, that means the eldest wouldn't get to bed until 8/8.30. Meaning I have zero time to myself as by that point I just want my bed!!

I thought my eldest was asleep so took the baby up, bam she wasn't and now she's howling at the stair gate. But I don't have it in me to bring her back down stairs (I sound like a shit parent, I probably am! But I'm struggling to cope with this)
And I'm worried if I bring down the older one and get the baby asleep, will she wake the baby upon going back to bed?!!

Honestly what do you do?! Please don't suggest an even bigger house Grin

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jellycatspyjamas · 17/04/2019 20:48

They all sound overtired to me. My 6 & 7 year olds both need a good 11 hours sleep and are usually in bed at 7.30 and sleeping by 8.00, so I think 8.00 is quite late for a 2 year old.

My 4 year old would stay up for as long as I let him, we’ve really had to teach him to settle himself and go to sleep - at one point his sleep routine was to be up til 10.00 and I was resolutely told he simply wasn’t tired any earlier. He was in fact massively over tired.

We worked hard on a new sleep routine, no screens, quite games, book, bath and bed - rapid return if he got up. He’s now in bed at s reasonable hour and really needs his sleep. You need to break the cycle of staying up, screaming to come down, etc and help her self soothe. I’d second the suggestion of getting a friend to help with the baby while you sleep train the older child, once you’ve got that cracked you can start with the baby.

NameChangeSameRage · 17/04/2019 21:00

Can you make being downstairs so boring that she loses interest in going down? Or would she just keep the baby awake if upstairs?

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 18/04/2019 09:28

I dont know what the hell is happening tbh!! I think with the eldest it's either she is tired/struggling to self settle or genuinely hates being alone.
I cannot put them to bed at the same time, I'd be there hours later with two wide awake hyper children.

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Indecisivelurcher · 18/04/2019 16:12

Lots of people have said that your eldest sounds overtired. If she's regularly up at 5 then you need to start bedtime at 5, and in bed by 6. After any initial resistance, you should find she falls asleep easier earlier, before her body releases cortisol (stress hormone) and she becomes wired! Got to be worth a go? You'll have to give it 2wks consistent, to have a proper go. Once she's caught up on her sleep deficit you might find she's OK to go to bed slightly later. If you get your eldest down by 6 then you could put baby up at 7, do most of their routine in your room maybe then pop them into bed.

Indecisivelurcher · 18/04/2019 16:16

My 23mo and 4.5yo are in bed by 6:30/6:45. And I used to have to put them to bed earlier! They get up early no matter what I do, so if I put them to bed later they become overtired, are horrible that day, and gradually run up a sleep deficit which makes them sleep worse, with night waking and even earlier starts! Having an evening with them is just not worth it.

Mymycherrypie · 18/04/2019 16:24

5pm, start lowering the lights, close the curtains, put the tv on low
5.30pm, Bath
6pm, dressed for bed after a lavender scented body cream, story in dim room or even in bed
6.30pm lights off, good night

No falling asleep in the jumperoo, that’s too active a toy for bedtime anyway.

Mymycherrypie · 18/04/2019 16:26

There is no magic trick to this, except consistency. They can’t tell the time or know it’s past their bedtime. Their only clue is what you do. Make Bath and story a sleep que.

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 18/04/2019 17:16

6pm is just so early to me!! It's so bright outside!
And I'm so frightened that if I go in the room once she's asleep then I'll wake her!!

I know dd shouldnt fall asleep in jumperoo but if I don't put her in there I'll have a battle on my hands to get her asleep (bad sleeper, only just sleeping through the night now and no idea how or why!!) I usually put her in there while sorting ds out for sleep and by the time I'm back she will be out so it's usually an easy transfer to bed

Waiting for the bath to be fixed (this house is a wreck!!)

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Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 18/04/2019 17:17

Goodness my son will be 5 in June, I genuinely think he would laugh in my face if I put him to bed at 6.30 Grin

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Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 18/04/2019 17:19

Last night eldest dd woke at 2am! She went to the stair gate and cried for a while but eventually put herself to bed but I felt awful for not getting up. Usually I'd get up and take her downstairs so that's probably what she was waiting for, or milk! But still felt terrible Sad

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Mymycherrypie · 18/04/2019 17:32

6pm is early to you but completely acceptable to a toddler who needs 14hrs sleep a day, wakes at 5 and goes without a nap.

Your son is 5, presumably he doesn’t nap and doesn’t need one so he can have a slightly later bedtime and cope happily. The screaming is her showing you she’s shattered.

I know it’s easy to let them sleep in the jumperoo and make the transfer but it’s not promoting healthy sleep habits and you ar paying the price already.

SoyDora · 18/04/2019 17:34

bad sleeper, only just sleeping through the night now and no idea how or why!!)

Neither of mine slept through the night at 8 months, it’s pretty normal!

AWaspOnAWindowReturns · 18/04/2019 17:34

4 and 3 here. Youngest falls asleep in my bed, eldest gets put to bed, when eldest is asleep I carry youngest into their bedroom and put her into her own bed (where she stays till 1am then sneaks back into bed with me...🙄)

Mymycherrypie · 18/04/2019 17:36

It’s good that you didn’t take her downstairs for a night waking. That will make things easier. How will she know night time is for sleeping if she’s downstairs? Wink

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 18/04/2019 18:03

Mycherrypie usually if I take her downstairs, she will get some more milk and curl up on the couch and go to sleep Confused so many people said it would weaken and confuse her but she sleeps so much better on the couch lol!

Well I was meaning since moving house my 8m old has now started to sleep through, something she hasn't done before. Her sleep used to be wayyyyy worse!

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Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 18/04/2019 18:05

The screaming only starts after I've left the room though Confused some days I can put her to bed at 7.15 and she will go straight to sleep, other days fight it. I honestly dont think I have it in me to take her up to bed just now Blush it's so early and bright

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Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 18/04/2019 18:23

Ok I've done it!! She's in bed but I've got a feeling she will wake either before 9, or before 4 😫 but come downstairs and my baby is asleep on the floor!! How long is considered safe before trying to get her upstairs lol

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Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 18/04/2019 18:55

Yup dd is awake 🙄

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Mymycherrypie · 18/04/2019 19:01

But surely its better to eliminate the night waking entirely by creating good habits, than carry her downstairs every time, even if that does work (for now). I do know that it’s hard with two very little ones but the middle DC’s issues could probably be resolved or at least eased. The baby is too little but the middle one is 2.

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 18/04/2019 19:03

How do I eliminate it? Sad if I leave her to cry any longer she is just gonna wake the baby!!

In the old house the baby was in with me and dd had her own room so it wasn't as bad if she happened to wake and cry but now I actively hate bedtime.

I really don't want the baby back in with me

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Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 18/04/2019 19:04

The baby is awake now 😂😂😂😂 I'm going to crack up

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Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 18/04/2019 19:25

She is still crying.. should I give in and take her down stairs Sad

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lyralalala · 18/04/2019 19:40

It might sound mad, but partly just to let you know you aren’t alone in sleep troubles. When my twins were almost 2 I lived in a 2 bed flat. I ended up sleeping on the sofa bed in the lounge for 3 months so I could sleep train them both (different issues) in separate rooms because I was so desperate for sleep.

Soubriquet · 18/04/2019 20:32

You said she doesn’t start crying until you leave the room

Can you put the baby somewhere safe, and then sit on the floor of dd’s room and stay there till she falls asleep.

Don’t interact with her.

Just sit on the floor, nice and quietly so she knows you’re there, but she isn’t going to get any fun.

As she starts getting used to that, you can start inching your way towards the door night by night

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 18/04/2019 20:36

Yeah it could be an option to look at but some times she stays with a friend while I do night shift and I dont think they will take too kindly to have to do that lol!

I eventually took her downstairs and within minutes she was asleep! She is now back in bed fast asleep snoring. I am probably making a rod for my back but I've been up since 4, due in at work at 7 and I am just so flaming tired!! Suppose we all have that struggle lol

I purposely wanted the bigger house as I thought it would help the girls, and it has my 8m sleeps through the night now wee champ! But it's so hard deciding who goes first and what not!! Dd not tieed enough for bed at 6, maybe for 7 yeah but that is youngest dd bed time, but I suppose I'll just have to try extremely hard to make sure the youngest one is in bed first

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