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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think friend's daughter ought to take a taxi

147 replies

NotOnTheBench · 15/04/2019 22:34

Been asked to take my friend's 20 Yr old daughter to work tomorrow. I've said yes as there's no real reason not to - except that I will have to drive across town in rush hour + then all the way back to my work on the opposite side of town, in order to fetch her + drop her off at her workplace.

She could afford a taxi so why doesn't she just use one? I'm doing this twice this week. I have been asked before + of course I do, but...

I know I'm doing it anyway but don't people use taxis at all these days?

OP posts:
CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 16/04/2019 08:50

They use the excuse that the buses are rubbish + her Mum always takes her as Mum works near my office too

This is NOT an excuse. If her mum chooses to take her, that's her choice for her to help out HER DAUGHTER. It doesn't mean you can't say no!!! She's not your daughter and you have no responsibility to put yourself out this much when there are alternatives (or even if there aren't)

Please tell me that her mum isn't about this week, and they've not just asked you because her Mum wants a break from the extra hour round trip?

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 16/04/2019 08:52

You need to do it today, because you agreed to and it's too short notice to change. But you don't need to do it ever again, including this week. When you pick her up tonight I'd be telling her that you can't give her lifts to with again as it's too far out of your way but you're sure she'll be able to catch the bus or arrange a taxi.

Charley50 · 16/04/2019 08:55

Your friend was absolutely unreasonable and fucking rude to even ask you. What a cheek. Who does this? Even today I would be saying to the daughter in the car that it's not normal to ask people for lifts across town in the morning. Can you just drop her off at your work today and she can get bus from there?

Beeziekn33ze · 16/04/2019 08:56

Buses may not be ideal but many of us use them as a matter of necessity. The 20 year old should work out her own way of getting to work, not rely on favours, she’s an adult.

OwlBeThere · 16/04/2019 08:59

It’s not your friends fault you aren’t able to say no, she probably has no idea you resent it. The only person being unreasonable here is you.

ZigglesAndPaws · 16/04/2019 09:04

At 20, she’s old enough to realise that she should have looked for a job that she could easily get to and from under her own steam and not be reliant on other people twice a day...

EvaHarknessRose · 16/04/2019 09:05

Say yes one more time and then say ‘It’s not convenient for me to do this regularly, it’s eating into my flexitime. It has been lovely to see a bit more of you, but please can you make another arrangement as I will have to say no to any more rides.’

Wolfiefan · 16/04/2019 09:07

Buses can be a PITA. But that’s not your problem. She’s taken this job on. Up to her to sort transport. A one off because of some sort of emergency? Fine. But repeatedly? Serious CF. I’m betting you’ve not been offered money to pay for fuel.
Say no in future.

titchy · 16/04/2019 09:07

Hi OP. I need a lift on Thursday can you pick me up around 6am please.

cantfindname · 16/04/2019 09:08

I fail to understand why OP fulfills a totally unreasonable request which she obviously hates having to do. And then comes here to moan about it.

All you need to do is say 'no, sorry, can't do'

I get the feeling she is looking for brownie points for being such a nice person.

SD1978 · 16/04/2019 09:09

Why is your friend not doing it if she also works nearby? And if you're not at least getting petrol money- you're being even dafter than it already appears. Why would you agree to this, when it's not on your route? Why would they ask you, when you live in the opposite direction? Is there a drip feed about to occur? Or are they really taking the utter piss and you're allowing it?

pinkyredrose · 16/04/2019 09:13

What does 'buses are rubbish' mean? There are no buses going to the town centre (unlikely) or she just doesn't like them?

Cafeculture · 16/04/2019 09:14

She's not much of a friend to ask this of you and you are being ridiculous to agree to it.

AlaskanOilBaron · 16/04/2019 09:17

God, that's incredibly weird. I can't imagine asking anyone to do this.

chocatoo · 16/04/2019 09:19

You are bonkers doing that every time. She's 20 - perfectly old enough to make her own arrangements to get across town. Next time they ask just say that it adds a lot of time to your journey so it's inconvenient.

Could you fetch her and drop her at your work then she just has to make her way to hers, or is that just as inconvenient?

BigChocFrenzy · 16/04/2019 09:20

Being polite /= being a doormat

You really need to say NO

If you really want excuses:

"Sorry, I'm so busy these days"
"I want to finish early, so I can go jogging / shopping / do meditation / clear out some cupboards ... "

ChevalierTialys · 16/04/2019 09:24

I've said yes as there's no real reason not to - you don't want to. That is a real reason not to.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/04/2019 09:26

Why are you taking an adult woman to work, who can well get there herself. Stop being a mug, and start saying no, there are plenty of reasons not to. You don't want to! It is difficult for you! You are being taken for a ride. She should learn to drive then, if she does not like the bus!

FrancisCrawford · 16/04/2019 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Holidayshopping · 16/04/2019 09:27

I really don’t understand people who do things like this,OP.

Where would you draw the line?! Would you do it three times a week? Every day? For a month? For 6? A year? For a neighbour? For a stranger?

I wouldn’t have done it once! Is she giving you any money for it at all? I’m sure they won’t be looking after you when the mum (who earns twice your wage) retires. Why are you giving them free cash repeatedly.

It’s not polite, you’re being a doormat.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/04/2019 09:28

Just say to her, I am not taking you to work anymore, as it is not convenient, which it isen't, she will have to make her own arrangements like the rest of us. No wonder she has latched onto you!

JustDanceAddict · 16/04/2019 09:28

I would never do this. My work is also hard to get to in public transport but easy to drive to. If I don’t have my car I have to use the bus - have to leave earlier etc. It’s a pain and sometimes a kind colleague will drop me home or near enough home if I ask very nicely but it would be a one-off. Plus I’m asking for my own favour, not on behalf of another person!!

pinkpushchairs · 16/04/2019 09:28

If they know you are silly enough to say yes why would they pay for a taxi? 🤷‍♀️

Whodafeck · 16/04/2019 09:29

You need to woman up!

cuppycakey · 16/04/2019 09:31

You sound like a total martyr

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