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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think friend's daughter ought to take a taxi

147 replies

NotOnTheBench · 15/04/2019 22:34

Been asked to take my friend's 20 Yr old daughter to work tomorrow. I've said yes as there's no real reason not to - except that I will have to drive across town in rush hour + then all the way back to my work on the opposite side of town, in order to fetch her + drop her off at her workplace.

She could afford a taxi so why doesn't she just use one? I'm doing this twice this week. I have been asked before + of course I do, but...

I know I'm doing it anyway but don't people use taxis at all these days?

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 16/04/2019 00:01

I'm sorry, but why did you ever agree to do this? It's out of your way, so your friend and her DDs are such CFs for asking at all.

I'm seeing this so much on MN. I would never have thought of asking at all as a young person.

gamerchick · 16/04/2019 00:03

I have just started saying no and it was weird at first. It gets easier and easier

It is and it really does get easier. It's a huge relief Grin

Azitii · 16/04/2019 00:10

Why can't she use public transport? How would she get there if you weren't taking her. You need to be firm and say no, your not her personal uber.

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/04/2019 00:30

Questions:

  1. Why does your friend's daughter need to be taken to work, why can she not get there independently?
  2. Why does your friend not take her herself?
  3. Why does your friend ask you, and not someone else?
  4. You do this twice a week. Does she only work two days a week? If not, how does she get to work when you don't take her?
5.How does she get home from work?
  1. How much time does this add to your journey?
PodgeBod · 16/04/2019 00:34

Absolutely bizarre. You are being a doormat, and that is not a virtue. Stick up for yourself and say NO.

OffToBedhampton · 16/04/2019 00:43

I have a F who has a tendency to CFness. It's amazing the times (she and her partner who both drive) find to ask me to take her DD or DC somewhere at the expense and trouble for my DC and me, when we are not going that way. She's caught me out a few times to do hour long round trips and I'm getting so much better at saying 'err no, why would I do that? I've got to get to work' . (Or have younger child to get to/from her (different) school or to bed/ there's only one of me and that's not in my way)'

JustOneShadeOfGrey · 16/04/2019 00:47

Do you have “mug” tattooed on your forehead?

I had the same thought as @offtobedhampton that’s there’s some dripfeeding to come.

OffToBedhampton · 16/04/2019 00:50

Always say, "I'll think about I'll get back to you", if you are caught on the hop. Then it's far easier to say 'no, sorry, can't do it' by text after you've had a 15 min think. (Followed up by "As I already said, I can't help" if badgered)

I prefer to say "No, thankyou" sometimes to certain people although it doesn't make sense to the request, as it is polite but says no, when I know straight away it's a no (you CF)

OffToBedhampton · 16/04/2019 00:53

@JustOneShadeOfGrey

Yes, exactly! Because the only thing that'd make this a reasonable request from a friend, is if there was an amount of relevant information missing. Otherwise it's really not difficult to say no to.

User7308cftj35902z · 16/04/2019 00:56

You were asked and agreed to do so. If you didn't want to then you should have said no.

SnowsInWater · 16/04/2019 01:07

Why on earth didn’t you just say no.

I have a 20 year old. I can’t think of any situation that would justify my asking a friend to go miles out of their way to take him to work. Occasionally I will give him a lift or offer to pay for an Uber for him because of horrible weather, him not feeling well etc. and an Uber home would be an hour’s wage for him and he might only have had a three hour shift but that is my choice.

PenelopeFlintstone · 16/04/2019 01:11

How much time does it add to your trip, OP? It could vary greatly depending on the size of the town. Just curious.
Also curious as to why the friend can't drive her own daughter to work.

isabellerossignol · 16/04/2019 01:35

YABU.

That is, you are being unreasonable to agree to do something and then to feel aggrieved about it.

If you didn't want to take her to work, all you had to say was no. Your friend was ridiculously cheeky to ask you to do it, but if you keep agreeing to it then you're leading them to believe that you're happy to do it. And if you let them think you're happy to do it then of course they'll keep asking.

The sky doesn't fall in if you say no.

Original poster
NotOnTheBench · 16/04/2019 08:15

Couple of things: it's not a huge town, but still the wrong way + crossing the whole town x2. I'm asked to bring her in as her work is in the town centre, so I'm effectively dropping her off on my way back from fetching her.

She's s student but is good with money (hence the holiday job). They use the excuse that the buses are rubbish + her Mum always takes her as Mum works near my office too.

Still her Mum earns twice as much as me so sure she could lend her daughter a couple of quid. A taxi would cost her 1hr of her earnings at minimum wage.

(Incidentally using the car won't start won't wash as my DH has one too!)

I'm a mug!

OP posts:
Original poster
NotOnTheBench · 16/04/2019 08:19

PenelopeFlintstone it's an extra half hour to fetch her but as I work flexi it's OK if I don't get to work at my usual time (they know that too).

Like I say I'm too polite to just say No. it's never been a strong point. So if I say yes, I've just got to suck it up!

OP posts:
outpinked · 16/04/2019 08:23

Just say no or start charging. You’re not a taxi.

BaronessBomburst · 16/04/2019 08:24

So what if the buses are rubbish?
If her mum can't take her she'll have to catch the bus. That means getting up earlier or waiting around a bit but that's life as a responsible grown-up!

Katebob22 · 16/04/2019 08:26

No way. An extra half hour, twice a day, why would you do that?

Howyiz · 16/04/2019 08:36

You are a complete mug!
Her mother would be dropping her off on her way to work so isn't actually putting herself out for her daughter.

Howyiz · 16/04/2019 08:38

Also this nonsense that it is 'polite' to be a doormat is just not true. Being a doormat just means that you are too stupid to stop people taking advantage of you and I say that as a previous doormat.

Lizzie48 · 16/04/2019 08:39

Like I say I'm too polite to just say No. it's never been a strong point. So if I say yes, I've just got to suck it up!

Newsflash: it isn't rude to say no. One of Mumsnet's favourite phrases is 'No is a full sentence'.

isabellerossignol · 16/04/2019 08:41

Like I say I'm too polite to just say No.

Where have you got the idea that it's polite to agree to do things you don't want to do?

You really don't have to. You're not rude to say no. If this is a genuine friend they won't mind at all. If they kick off and say you're rude, then sadly you'll know that your friendship isn't based on her liking and respecting you, but on what she believes you can do for her. That would hurt, but isn't it better to know?

If you rang her tonight and asked her for a lift to work, what would she say?

In all honesty, agreeing to do something and then complaining about it (albeit anonymously) is so much more rude than saying no would be.

TixieLix · 16/04/2019 08:42

Your 'friend' is absolutely a CF asking you to do this. I would never ask a friend to spend a half hour of their time, in rush hour traffic, fetching my daughter to work if she's perfectly capable of getting public transport or a taxi. Asking you twice in one week is outrageous. You need to learn to assert yourself and say you can't do it any longer. There's no need to give a reason, but if you feel better giving an excuse then say you've not been sleeping well and need the extra time in bed. Honestly, your friend doesn't feel bad asking you to do this, so don't feel bad saying no you can't.

LittleChristmasMouse · 16/04/2019 08:46

How does she normally get to work and why is she unable to do that on these 2 days?

eddielizzard · 16/04/2019 08:49

What! That's ridiculous! She can make her own way to work. You can say no in a polite way....