Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To kick my son out?

108 replies

TigersRoll · 15/04/2019 14:37

18 years old, been arrested a couple of times for assault. He dabbles with drugs, has dodgy mates, doesn’t work and has just started claiming universal credit. He’s done absolutely nothing for two years and I’ve given him warning after warning.

Last night he told me he was staying at a mates house. Left his Facebook open and I read messages between him and his mates regarding getting “P” (whatever the fuck that is, I’m assuming “pills”, vodka and “tramping out” which basically means sitting on the street all night. He came home this morning wearing a gold Rolex watch. Could be fake but looks expensive, very heavy etc. I questioned him and he said his mate “let him borrow it” why the fuck would you let a mate borrow a gold Rolex??

Anyway, icing on the cake ... he text me early this morning asking what time I’d be home from work. I replied “about 12.30”. Ive just gone upstairs and he his sparked out on his bed. I notice spare bedroom door is shut too which is unusual. I go in to see everything that I had on the bed moved off it and the duvet ruffled up as if someone has been on, or in it. So, he’ll deny it but he’s basically had his scaggy mate in to sleep off whatever they did last night hasn’t he?

All his mates (and girlfriend) are in hostels as their parents have kicked them out. I’ve threatened him with this and he says he doesn’t want to leave as he likes living here. Of course he fucking does!! No rent, no bills, do what the fuck you want with no consequences ...

AIBU to say enough is enough and send him to the hostels?

OP posts:
ThatssomebadhatHarry · 15/04/2019 15:00

Of course he wants to remain rent free.
I wouldn’t just kick him out but give him options to shape up with a set deadline. You have x weeks to get a job and then we can work out your rent etc. If he doesn’t bite then he can leave.
I would also be checking the local groups for anyone who may have been mugged and had their watch pinched. His friend may have let him borrow it e.g keep hold of my stolen watch until the heat dies down.

Original poster
TigersRoll · 15/04/2019 15:04

I’ve given him options, for two whole years. He just won’t do anything

OP posts:
Bitterprisonwife · 15/04/2019 15:10

P is slang for money , x

IceRebel · 15/04/2019 15:11

Usually I would be worried that kicking a child out would make things worse, as they are likely to find themselves in the company of criminals, drug dealers and other unsavory types. However, it's clear that ship has long since sailed.

Has he always been like this? Even during school? I can't see that kicking him out will be a wake up call, especially if being arrested wasn't a deterrent. It seems like such behaviour is normal in his peer group.

However, you need to think about yourself and others in your house. Letting him stay makes you vulnerable to the consequences of his behaviour. Items may go missing, police at the door, unpaid drug debts which make your home a target. I wouldn't want that for anyone, so I think you're right he has to leave.

Divgirl2 · 15/04/2019 15:13

YANBU. Turf him out, or start charging proper digs (not just a token amount).

If he can afford to go out drinking he can afford to pay his way.

The80sweregreat · 15/04/2019 15:13

i am sorry to hear this it all sounds very stressful for you and your son sounds a complete nightmare. I am guessing that the only way to get him to leave is by force - would calling the police/ social services do any good?
The watch sounds very dodgy too - even if it is a fake one, its still sounds odd.
A lot of youngsters do end up in hostels , a few of my friends had to resort to this as its not on that he is using your place as a hotel and not contributing to any of the bills. smuggling a mate in without your permission also wrong.
I hope you can get it sorted out soon. hoping someone has better advice for you soon.

wigglypiggly · 15/04/2019 15:13

Is.his dad around. Some older Male to kick his arse into shape. Sorry but I would tell him to leave.

stucknoue · 15/04/2019 15:14

Give him an ultimatum, a job and rent £100 a week) on the first of June or he's out. And go through with it.

SittinOnThaToilet · 15/04/2019 15:16

Have a look at County Lines re: how he's acquired the rolex

BarbarianMum · 15/04/2019 15:17

Sounds like my db at the same age. My parents let him stay. He's is still there aged 42 (my mum left), a drug addict w severe mh difficulties. Soon to be made street homeless when my dad's dementia means he needs a care home.

I would suggest that endless support and no consequences is not a good plan.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/04/2019 15:17

Yanbu. Unfortunately society will have to put with him and his mates, hopefully he'll turn his life around when he hits rock bottom.
Once they are heavily involved with trouble makers, they make them their family.
I know it isn't easy, you have tried. I would do the same.

PassMeTheWine · 15/04/2019 15:19

P=cocaine

lmusic87 · 15/04/2019 15:19

Oh god, what a nightmare.

He needs something to aim for.

Backwoodsgirl · 15/04/2019 15:22

You have tried, you need to draw the line somewhere. I would kick him out, he needs some tough love right now

Original poster
TigersRoll · 15/04/2019 15:24

His father is useless. That’s a no-go.

I just can’t do it anymore. Police at the door, mysterious items turning up (like the watch, designer clothes that he’d never afford, a BB gun etc etc) he’s stolen money off me before and now he has universal credit he’ll just spend that on drugs and drink. My husband is practically threatening to walk out and I don’t blame him, we don’t feel at ease in our own house.

I’ve tried social services, drug workers, cahms etc etc and nothing works

OP posts:
IceRebel · 15/04/2019 15:28

we don’t feel at ease in our own house.

You've tried, and now it's time to put yourself first.

He has chosen to carry on with this behaviour, so as a consequence he needs to leave.

I can't imagine feeling so uneasy and worried in my own home, and I think it's bloody ridiculous that you have put up with him acting like this for so long.

mbosnz · 15/04/2019 15:28

P can also be the street name for methamphetamine. The manufacture of which is diabolically toxic and dangerous. And users are just the same.

He'd be getting his marching cards from me. No ifs, no buts.

ChristmasFluff · 15/04/2019 15:29

I thought P was meth

He sounds like my brother was. Dad had to kick him out eventually, because he kept stealing our stuff to sell. The final straw was when he stole the Radio Rentals TV. Then after he'd gone, we were forever getting 'debt collectors' (basically mobsters) coming around threatening us to get his debts paid.

I'd get him out now. You've tried for long enough

OutInTheCountry · 15/04/2019 15:31

That sounds horrendous and so stressful for you and DH. I would give him an absolute cast iron date, definitely last chance and then absolutely stick to it.

Is there any way you could help him get a job working away - does he have any ambition to do anything else at all?

Original poster
TigersRoll · 15/04/2019 15:32

He was in A&E last week coughing up blood. They did a chest X-ray etc and said all was ok ... went to dentist and was diagnosed with severe gingevitus. Thing is he was coughing up blood with lumps in it ... drug worker tells me it sounds like a stomach related issue probably caused by anthetamine aggravating his stomach. He just doesn’t learn. 2 years of this shit now and I’m tired of it

OP posts:
Original poster
TigersRoll · 15/04/2019 15:34

He has no career motivation at all. Whenever he’s asked he replies that he doesn’t know what he wants to do yet. Well tough shit, who walks into their dream job at 18? I worked in a fish factory at 16 because I “didn’t know what I wanted to do”

OP posts:
happyhillock · 15/04/2019 15:37

If you've tried everything else you have no choice but to put him out, i'd be worried about what's going to happen next!

Good Luck

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/04/2019 15:37

YANBU. You have to put yourself first. Perhaps he will shape up when he’s older. If you let him stay all, you will be doing the same thing and expecting different results, which won’t happen. Hopefully throwing him out will eventually be a wake up call.

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/04/2019 15:37

Oh Tiger, you have done your best. Its time for him to go and you to live your life. He wont change if you let him stay

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/04/2019 15:38

Gosh. Just see you last two posts. That must be terribly difficult for you to witness and be so powerless. Flowers

Swipe left for the next trending thread