Kids want their Dad to leave home!

[Confusedadult]

I’m prepared to get majorly abused about this...
My children are 12,10,8. They keep telling me they wish their Dad (my husband) didn’t live with us anymore.
I don’t know how to deal with it.
My husband works hard/long hours and is always tired, he has isolated himself from our family. He never comes out with us, yet socialises a lot with his friends at weekends. They see him as lazy, moody and mean. He clashes constantly with our eldest and he has told me that he loves her but doesn’t like her very much. I have a list of complaints about my husband, but when I think about asking him to leave I really don’t want him too. How can I restore our family or is it too late if the children really don’t like him. He is a lovely man but seems to be lost in a cycle that isn’t what/how a family should operate.

[TatianaLarina]

Wh doesn’t he like your eldest? Is it because she stands up to him?

[TeddyIsaHe]

Oh just get rid! Listen to your children, who are infinitely more important than a lazy, selfish moody man. Why would you want to stay with him? He’s awful to your kids, so much so they are asking him to leave. That isn’t a healthy situation for them to grow in.

[Leatherflamingle]

It’s often the way that the mother conditions herself so well to accommodate her husbands behaviour that she’s a master eggshell walker.
But then when the eldest daughter hits puberty and is unable to control her moods then the shit hits the fan

[Lolatall]

Its not really up to you to sort this out, and I'm not sure how you can.

Why do people always think it's a woman's job to facilitate the relationship dynamics between men and their children.

HE should be taking the time to reconnect with his dc. HE could show an interest by spending some time with them in the evenings, asking what they're doing at school, helping with their homework, finding out what they like to watch on tv.

HE could spend a bit of time with them at the weekends.

Does he want to? Does he care?

[Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe]

Nothing like kids ..they see the truth and tell it like it is...There is nothing You can do OP...if your husband carries on like this and is happy to then it is him alone who is destroying your family....He caused this ..he is offering no solutions and is happy to block out the family....errr do you really need to ask what you should do?

[RainbowFox]

They keep telling me they wish their Dad (my husband) didn’t live with us anymore.

How long have they been telling you this for?

[Leatherflamingle]

What is your list of complaints about your husband?
Beyond this issue?

[IvanaPee]

he is a lovely man

He’s fucking not!!

My dh works long hours. He still find the time to give a shit about me and his children.

If your “d”h has time to go on the piss with his friends at the weekend, he has time to pay a bit of attention to his dc without being an arsehole to them.

From what you’ve posted he has NO redeeming qualities.

Sounds like he doesn’t like/care about any of you.

[Confusedadult]

Typical day:
Goes to work, comes home, goes to sleep, eats dinner, watches TV away from us.
Doesn’t really speak, rarely says hello to me or eldest, unless I/we speak first or he has something to tell me, which is rare. Discipline is not fair or reasonable. Over the top with eldest, pathetic or non existent with middle and youngest in comparison. Current main - the heating, I turned it on as I was cold. He turned it off at the mains so I couldn’t put it on today. I’m not stupid. I’ve turned it back on the mains. I will however, turn it off as it was before he comes home to avoid him getting arsy.

[Leatherflamingle]

I agree with lolatall
It isn’t your job to fix this.
If he can see it, he should fix it.
If he can’t see it, he’ll never fix it ....so he should go before your children are permanently damaged

[TatianaLarina]

‘Over the top’ with the eldest in what way.?

[IvanaPee]

My god. He’s utterly vile.

Your dc don’t deserve to grow up with this shit.

You don’t deserve it either, but they don’t have a choice.

They will vote with their feet when they’re old enough though!

[Leatherflamingle]

Ok he’s a dick
Best to leave him.

[Leatherflamingle]

Turning the heating off so you can’t be warm in your own fucking home.
That’s disgusting
No wonder the kids want him gone

[Supersimpkin]

Kids this young don't call the shots. You need a therapist pronto.

[VladmirsPoutine]

I'd divorce him over the heating thing alone. That's no way to live.

[stofi]

Why do you say he's a lovely man OP? What are the lovely things about him?

I'm not seeing lovely at all. Your kids sound sensible.

[PotatoesDieInHotCars]

But you love him, so that's ok. Even though he doesn't like his kids, or want to be part of your family.

[Leatherflamingle]

Same I’m with Vlad on this

[Confusedadult]

She did something minor, must of been as I can’t remember what it was. He then said she was not allowed out for the entire summer holidays which is 6 weeks. I handed him the phone and told him he’d better book 6 weeks off work to stay in with her as how the hell was I going to manage that with two other kids!!! He didn’t bother.

[PutyourtoponTrevor]

Yep, he sounds really lovely.

[ohfourfoxache]

Holy fuckballs

He turned the fucking heating off? So he wants you to be cold all day?

Listen to your bloody kids - he’s ABUSIVE. He’s not lovely, he’s a cuntweasel

[Contraceptionismyfriend]

I really do sympathise with the position you are in.

But how will you feel when as adults they decide to cut you off permanently because you never had their backs?

How would you feel if you never spoke to them again? If you never met your grandchildren?

If all you had in the end was him?

[IvanaPee]

Kids this young don't call the shots. You need a therapist pronto.

Therapy with abusers doesn’t work.

How sad that some people would ignore the anguish and upset of their children, just so they don’t “call the shots”.

[eddielizzard]

WTAF!!! You're in an abusive relationship. And now your eldest is feeling the heat too. That is truly awful.