Tell me why mumsnet jury?

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Ok so when I had my dc I couldn’t wait for family to visit. However, over my time on mumsnet I have seen many threads where new mums have upset people (normally in-laws) by a no visitor rule even when home from hospital.
Now this has just happened to my dsis whose only child had a baby about a week ago. The child was premature but stable and is still in hospital. Her son told her that are not allowing visitors.
Now based on previous experience part of me feels that her dil will have definitely have had her mum there. I may of course be wrong on this.
So man jury please help me understand?

This is really down to how the new mother feels and grandmothers feelings come second. I am a grandmother of 10 and have always left it to the mothers to invite me to see the new baby, Daughters tended to be straight away, daughters in law a little later. I understand that mothers feel lose to their own Mums at this time and we all should accept and respect that. Sometimes the pressure from excited grandmothers is a bit selfish. There is plenty of time

I think sending food is a brilliant idea, but not surprised to see “but not so much you’re overbearing”-yet another tightrope!. It was the way it was put- as a quid pro quo-that was distasteful.

I remember when I had my kids, i couldn't wait for people to visit in the hospital, it was so boring in there haha Yeah i don't get it either OP unless you're talking really intrusive people who want to stay for days or something.

Wow @IM0GEN why so angry .

I remember waiting for my mum and my PILs arriving to visit baby dd- they were both travelling and really hoping my mum would get there first to get first cuddle! I wouldn’t have told pILs to wait, though-they were her grandparents too. Obviously, dd and I were both well and happy and up for visitors.

IM0GEN what did the poster actually say that warranted such an angry and contemptuous turn of phrase like 'stamp your little foot'?

A woman who's recently given birth shouldn't have to see anyone she doesn't want to. But if her partner is happy to take the baby for an hour to meet his family then he should be allowed. Same with the sexes reversed though I've never heard of that situation.

When he says 'they' are not allowing visitors does he mean the parents aren;t allowing it - or do they mean the NICU have said no visitors - I have known the NICU close to everyone except parents if there are certain bugs going around

I've had 2 Nicu babies. 2 people allowed at the babies cot meaning 1 parent has to sit out if someone wants to visit. We didn't have any parents because we both wanted to be there. Babies siblings weren't included in the 2 person rule meant our son visited his sister and we had some family time. Our parents waited outside.

Visitors were not allowed to hold the baby due to infection control.

My son was born prematurely and kept in SCBU. I was very unwell and in a different part of the hospital. My parents and parents in law both visited my son in SCBU (before even I had seen him) because they were all understandably worried. PIL didn't visit me at my request but they spent their time with my husband supporting him because what he witnessed was traumatic and he needed support too.

No visitors i get.

But just the mums parents and not the dads - I don't.

And it was summed up when edge described the bloke as "if he need mummy around". Why infantile fathers and not the mothers?

I'm obviously going off my own experience but despite my XP being a complete twat the birth was stressful for him. He didn't sleep as I didn't for the 48 hours I was in labour.
When I was admitted at 8am and sent to labour ward at 8.30 he couldn't come. Dads were only allowed when we went to delivery suite.
At 12.45 I was told I needed a EMCS. They went to find him and tell him. But couldn't. So 30 minutes later he was informed he had a son delivered by EMCS and I was still in theatre. That he could go and see his son and see me when I was on ward.
I'm glad he had his mum there. My family was also there at hospital.
My XIL are also twats.

But I'm glad I never begrudged them equal opportunities to my parents. And everyone respected I was a complete wreck - stuck on my back for 24 hours and didn't expect anything from me.

I didn't want anyone visiting me in hospital. When we were in nicu I let grandparents come over as he was very poorly & didn't know if he'd survive. My parents came over and were fine, but my in-laws came over and went to pieces and needed us to support them. It made it even harder for us.

for all of you who have had a baby in NICU

No visitors i get. But just the mums parents and not the dads - I don't.

The OP doesn't actually know:
Now based on previous experience part of me feels that her dil will have definitely have had her mum there. I may of course be wrong on this.

Also, she might have had her own mother visiting her, not necessarily the baby.

I would definitely want to know the full details before feeling left out or judging the parents.

I can see reasons for only allowing your mum and dad in and not PIL.

For one, I would not be arsed too much about my mum seeing me covered in blood, puking, tits out, anything like that where I would be a bit uncomfortable with PIL.

I get why PIL would find that unfair though.