About a different meal to the one that's been slaved over?

[breakthepattern]

Person A thinks that's what's been served for dinner (2 adults, 2 DC under 7) is what we're eating. End of. If you don't like it, you don't eat it, that's your choice. It's delicious and not "out there" or very unusual.

Person B thinks if you've never had it before, try it a little and then say you don't like it, it's ok for you to be made an alternative just for you, so you don't go hungry.

Who is BU?

For further info it's one of the DC refusing the food.

It's squash risotto with sage and pine nuts so quite "adult" depending on your perspective / diet.

And the replacement alternative was a ham and cheese wrap, no cooking involved.

Everyday trolling...

Toast and carrot/cucumber/celery/tomatoes etc always available as alternatives but everything has to be tasted round here.

I think DC dig their heels in more about not liking things if you force them.

That said, sometimes it’s just bad luck they go through a fussy stage, not parent’s approach.

It's a bit of a strange thing to expect children to eat what's put in front of them when the process of deciding what to eat is rather different for adults.

Not really. Adults generally have more to do with buying/preparing/cooking/washing up after meals.

A squash risotto fills me with fear. Try it and if they don't like it offer something filling but boring.

I think it's actually quite hard to get into the mindset of someone who 'can't eat' certain foods (because of their dislike of them, not allergies or anything) if you're not one of them. I genuinely can't think of a food I couldn't eat if someone put it in front of me - I'm vegetarian, but over the years have, on a handful of occasions, eaten meat and fish when someone didn't know and had gone to effort to make me a meal (I try very hard to avoid being in that situation, though). I have food preferences, of course, but no dislikes so strong that eating the food would feel more than mildly unpleasant. I do try and be sympathetic to people who have much bigger issues with foods and much stronger dislikes, but it is something I find quite hard to understand.

It's not like disliking say a flavour of sweet (it's always orange) for me it's actually gagging but it's usually texture based. I admit it's pathetic and very embarrassing but I don't have any control over it.

My kids have always eaten a variety of food- veg, meat, fish. But there are things they don’t like. We always had the rule if it was new they had to try a few mouthfuls, if they still didn’t like it, they got a sandwich, fruit and yoghurt.

I personally love all veg, except butternut squash. I don’t know what it is about the flavour but it makes me feel sick after a few mouthfuls. Also fish- I can eat chip shop cod in batter, but none other. I’ve tried so many times, but if it’s a strong smelling fish, I can’t even eat my food if someone else is eating it. That said I do cook fish for the family- I just struggle knowing when it’s cooked because I don’t eat it. (Any tips very welcome!!)

As I say, huggy I do try and be sympathetic, even though I don't quite 'get' it - it can't be nice to have such a strong reaction to certain foods and I'm sure no one should choose it.

I do wonder if my lack of very strong dislikes is linked to the fact that I have a very weak disgust reaction compared to a lot of people (and compared to almost everyone on MN!). I can clear up bodily fluids without giving it much thought, I don't have a thing about germs (I don't see why I'd care unless it would actually make me ill), there are smells I dislike but not many that make me gag, etc. My body just doesn't seem to 'reject' things as strongly as most do, which is maybe why I can dislike, say, very sloppy pasta dishes, but I can just eat them without pleasure but with no real disgust/upset.

Everyday narrow-mindedness...

That should read 'no one would choose it'!

I would have got them to try it if they would and offered something else. So I’m B.

Except DD would have had hysterics over the notion of even trying it if she was in a bad place with her anxiety that day. I used to spend time in the toilet in tears over feeding her.

do wonder if my lack of very strong dislikes is linked to the fact that I have a very weak disgust reaction compared to a lot of people

No I don’t think so. How many people who claim to gag at squash and sage can eat McDonald’s, crisps and Cadbury’s chocolate?

It’s just a question of what they’re used to.

“do wonder if my lack of very strong dislikes is linked to the fact that I have a very weak disgust reaction compared to a lot of people”

I suspect it’s more to you being a reasonable human being and not a drama queen..........

No I don’t think so. How many people who claim to gag at squash and sage can eat McDonald’s, crisps and Cadbury’s chocolate?

But that's about what you dislike - my point was more about how much you dislike what you dislike. I know people who would say they would feel sick/gag if they ate a McDonald's - that's clearly what they're used to. I don't actually like McDonald's but my point is that nothing makes me feel that repulsed by it, even though there are foods I dislike.

People aren't fucking drama queens just because they have preferences/sensory issues. That's just ridiculous.

I adore sage. I quite like pumpkin soup (with a hint of sage). I adore risotto. But the combination of squash/sage/pine nuts in risotto, especially made in the UK, sounds disgusting. I absolutely never go anywhere near McDonalds or Cadbury’s. Not on my radar...

Sorry. I amend my post to include the taken-as- read “only, of course, NT people”

Bertrand part of my DD diagnosed anxiety and ASD is texture and other sensory issues.

She’s not a drama queen and your statement is disablist.

I have autism but I think that's it's understandable that NT people have some foods that physically revolt them too. Likely just one or two but I don't think it's unreasonable at all. The people who have said that they have very little sense of taste or smell are in the minority. Of course it's easier to eat most things when they taste comparatively bland. It doesn't mean that food likes and dislikes are wrong or absurd.

And a non-apology too Bertrand. Even better.

Do we assume that anyone who has food dislikes so strong they affect their life has sensory issues, even if never diagnosed? I read Bee Wilson's 'First Bites, mentioned by Laurie upthread, and that describes a business woman who has to arrange every lunch and dinner meeting around her tiny range of 'acceptable' food, turn travel opportunities down, etc. She hadn't ever been diagnosed with anything but surely that is a diagnosable issue? (relevantly to the thread, btw, she - rightly or wrongly - blamed her mother pandering to her fussy eating for why she still had such an issue as an adult)

To be clear, I have a fully developed sense of smell and taste - food definitely doesn't all taste bland to me. I have likes and dislikes, it's just I can relatively easily eat a food I dislike. It's a lot easier than, say, getting my eyebrows waxed and lots of people do that regularly!

It was a genuine apology. I just assumed that “NT” would be taken as read.

Food dislikes are not just about taste, though. I find cheese, for example, really hard to digest so I avoid it even though the taste doesn’t bother me - I quite like most cheeses and can eat a small amount. But I would never touch a cheese course during a four or five course meal as it would play havoc with my digestion.

Bertrand does it not occur to you that ASD is underdiagnosed in women and girls, a large component of it for many people is sensory issues?

Do any of your family suffer with crippling food issues?

Do you just belittle people you see struggling in real life?

They may be undiagnosed.

Your attitude is appalling.