About a different meal to the one that's been slaved over?

[breakthepattern]

Person A thinks that's what's been served for dinner (2 adults, 2 DC under 7) is what we're eating. End of. If you don't like it, you don't eat it, that's your choice. It's delicious and not "out there" or very unusual.

Person B thinks if you've never had it before, try it a little and then say you don't like it, it's ok for you to be made an alternative just for you, so you don't go hungry.

Who is BU?

For further info it's one of the DC refusing the food.

It's squash risotto with sage and pine nuts so quite "adult" depending on your perspective / diet.

And the replacement alternative was a ham and cheese wrap, no cooking involved.

I ended up at the doctors once due to being underweight. Apparently where I grew up hadn't anticipated that some children will in fact starve themselves if they don't like the evening meal - and I had six months of "We're having this, no other options, if you don't like it go to bed". So I went to bed.

I was very set on what I did and didn't like

Fussy eating is often a sign of a person with high sensitivity to flavour. This is an interaction between nature and nurture.

As long as DS has tried it (couple of mouthfuls) then he can have toast with marmite and an apple

Ah but you don't know that Maria, until you try all the recipes ;)

Making DC eat food they hate is abuse.
Indeed, force feeding is abuse. But so is giving children the same thing every day. And nobody is talking about force feeding.

especially when recipes are culturally appropriated by people who haven’t got a clue about what they should taste like or even the methods to be used to get an acceptable result.

Modish but overused-to-point-of-meaninglessness buzz-phrase AND food/travel snobbery. Great comment.

I agree that it's definitely worth trying foods that you don't like now and again, because I've learned to enjoy two or three foods that way(Though it took about thirty years to face mayonnaise) but there are a few foods that I really couldn't even begin to taste(coleslaw being one. Even the smell of it makes me feel ill.)

I've never understand why not liking something means you are unable to eat it. I really dislike aubergine.... It's horrible to me in taste and texture. I'd never choose to eat it but if someone served it to me I'd still eat it. I'd just get it down!
Would an adult (sensory issues aside) really push away a meal they didn't like if served it by a loved one who didn't know?
I'm still B when it comes to a child though (as long as they've actually tried it)

I couldn't get coleslaw or raw tomatoes down if you paid me. They genuinely make me gag. There are foods that I dislike(e.g cottage pie) that I could eat if I had to, but coleslaw and tomatoes?, never.

I must have just never encountered something I couldn't eat. I probably haven't got a good sense of taste as I can't distinguish flavours in things well, and don't have a great sense of smell.
I'd be good on the bushtucker trial!! Just get it down!

Depends on the kids. Mine are pretty good eaters there are a few things they genuinely dislike and just will not eat which I avoid making for them and forcing them to eat those things would be unkind. Funnily enough they both HATE butternut squash think I over did when they were tiny. They merrily eat curry chilli try new stuff though etc.

I'm with Person B. As a child there were many occasions when I either went to bed hungry or sat choking down something I didn't like, at the table alone because everyone else had finished, gagging with every mouthful, because my parents were People A. Unsurprisingly I now have disordered eating.

I was brought up like person A and I'd take that stance if I knew the dc had eaten all elements of the dish before.

However if they hadn't, then I would be like person B as long as they did try a mouthful with an open mind.

I hate risotto so wouldn’t eat that. However, in theory everyone should eat the same but that rarely happens in our house. Bloody annoying but wastes less food if I just cook what people like.

DS(4) will eat nearly anything but isn't a big eater, so I never make him finish what he's been given, if he says he's full. When he says he's had enough, I encourage him to eat a little more, but then if he's adamant he's done, he's done and he can go. And if he tries something and doesn't like it (or absolutely refuses to try it, in the case of my frankly delicious cauliflower cheese), I don't push him. I really don't want mealtimes to become a stressful battle, like mine were. I dreaded meals because I was forced to eat stuff I really couldn't stand, and to be honest I still get stressed sometimes if eating somewhere unfamiliar.

I particularly dislike butternut squash risotto I think it tastes like baby food. I'm B.

Unless you have an allergy, intolerance or illness, you should eat what you're served or do without - whether you're an adult or a child.

Satchell I think your sense of smell and taste there makes a really big difference.

DH and DM both find coriander soapy tasting which is genetic (this is quite interesting www.news-medical.net/health/The-Genetics-of-Corianders-Soapy-Taste.aspx) and it literally ruins any meal that it contains (not the spice though just the leaves) and also both find goats cheese and strong cheeses and there is also a suggestion that the same thing causes this

But it is also cultural - we happily drink cows milk but find the idea of say Donkey or Camels milk they drink the middle east weird and odd. Why?

I think that's intransigent to the point of nuts.

And don't get me started on people dishing up in the kitchen so you can't say how much you want, then getting the evil eye because you haven't finished it all! We were staying with family this weekend, and on one night we had spag bol and the other a rice chicken veg dish. I did my best but I have a small appetite, and left about half the pasta, and half the rice (ate the bolognese/chicken and veg components). SIL asked "Don't you like pasta?" - I really do like pasta but there was too much for me and if I'd been dishing up for myself, I'd have taken half as much. I'm not going to fill myself up to the point of discomfort on carbs just for the sake of it.

Person A all the way here. One of the most I.portant lessons I've taught my kids is that it won't hurt you to occasionally eat things you don't particularly like. That said everyone in our house is allowed to name 3 foods they won't eat.

The only sort of acceptable parenting is B type. Making DC eat food they hate is abuse.

Seriously? Surely we can agree that whichever method you choose to adopt within your own family, both are perfectly within the range of reasonable parenting methods.

If you think telling your child they have to eat their squash and sage risotto is abuse, you are laughably out of touch with the real world.

Screaming, so when by FiL deliberately chose a child-unfriendly food - poached smoked haddock with bones, green beans and boiled potatoes - for my deeply anxious 2 year old with digestive issues, so that he could berate me for my poor parenting leading to his fussiness, DS should have eaten it all?

Or when he insisted on a spicy Thai curry recipe for 3 year old DD, despite knowing that she very much disliked spicy food?

I think it is reasonable to ask someone to try a new food where no intolerances, illnesses or allergies exist (and where there is no reason to suggest that the person won't like it - so not, for example, when you know that the child doesn't like spicy food and you have deliberately put in 5 chillis). It is not reasonable to expect them to eat a full portion.

Whether an alternative is offered depends on what else is served at the meal - so whether sides of just rice and vegetables can be eaten, or bread and salad - and how long it is to the next meal. Both the above were served to DCs when staying with Fil, at about 6pm, with no food served since lunch and none until breakfast the following morning.

Fussy eating is often a sign of a person with high sensitivity to flavour.

Ime it’s generally a sign of indulgent parenting.

I’m highly sensitive to flavours, that’s why I like food - a wide variety of food.

cantkeepawayforever
You have a FIL issue which is clearly done to undermine you and not typical of the general thread.