To think you shouldn't ask a vegan to buy you meat/animal products?

[Ragnasath]

A younger relative told me yesterday in casual conversation about how her housemate at university often asks her to pick up meat or animal products from the supermarket for her.

There's a few of them living together and all buy their own food but will all take turns buying loo roll, fairy liquid etc that are communal. My relative said that often when it is her turn to go and get these things, a particular housemate will often say 'can you pick me up some ham slices/ Cadbury chocolate' etc whilst you're there. This relative is a passionate vegan and feels very strongly against animal cruelty etc and has been vegan for 5 years as a result. She said that she'll usually say no to the friend because she doesn't want anything to do with the purchase of animal products but will offer her a vegan alternative (i.e I don't feel comfortable buying you cadburys but am happy to get you oreos or bourbons instead etc). Apparently the housemate often gets annoyed at this response and will roll her eyes about how she's being ridiculous because housemate offers to give relative the money to buy the items so it's not coming out of relative's pocket. Relative still says she wants nothing to do with the purchase of animals or animal products.

The relative says she never asks her friend to pick her up any snacks or food because she doesn't want to feel like she has to reciprocate by buying her housemate food which goes against her values.

I think it's pretty awful of the housemate to put her in that position tbh. You wouldn't ask a committed Muslim to pick you up a bottle of wine would you and I don't see much difference in this scenario

“No, there is evidence that she's being judgy – and condescending – in 'offering a vegan alternative'.”
That is only judge or condescending if you are looking at it from an “anti vegan” standpoint. To me it sounds like compromise.

She's being a very special snowflake

Yeah-vegans are so judgemental!

🤦🏻‍♀️ Jesus Christ. Whatever next. Your relative is being precious. Her flatmate is not force feeding her meat. She’s asking for a favour. Honestly the world has gone mad. We have a vegan chef as a very good friend - shock horror - he cooks ...... MEAT.

So really the non vegan housemate who wants ham and Cadbury’s chocolate is asking your relative to do her a favour? That means it’s fine if she chooses not to (or offers an alternative). Really the housemate needs to be a bit more tactical and make sure she either has bought her own supplies or asks another housemate to do her shopping. Can’t help wonder if there would have been some different responses if you had just posted that your relative has a housemate who is always asking her to pick up stuff when she goes shopping.

“Vegan friend who cooks meat” joins “black friend who collects gollywogs” as a Mumsnet tradition!

I don't know why people keep saying but what about chefs and shop assistants who are vegan. It's their bloody job so yes I'd expect them to do it, or look for another career, but it's in no way equivalent to the person in the question in the OP because it isn't her job.

And yes some vegans may be fine with cooking, buying and handling meat. Others will not be and that is their right. Their ethics deserve to be respected whether or not you agree with them. It isn't just an ethical objection either. Some people have a physical revulsion to carrying/buying/handling pieces of dead animal. I eat meat at the moment(Though cutting down) and even to me having pieces of animal body parts in one's fridge can see rather weird, and I'm not squeamish. I've hunted.

“Vegan friend who cooks meat” joins “black friend who collects gollywogs” as a Mumsnet tradition!

My relative said that often when it is her turn to go and get these things, a particular housemate will often say 'can you pick me up some ham slices/ Cadbury chocolate' etc whilst you're there.

It also sounds like the housemate is deliberately picking on your relative tbh, OP.

I’m a meat eater and I agree with the vegan.

It’s fine for the friend to ask, it’s fine for your relative to decline. The friend isn’t being friendly to get annoyed and take the piss but there’s no law against being a bit of a bellend.

If a vegan chef is ok cooking meat great. Personally I could not cook meat as the smell makes me feel sick. I also would not be able to touch it.

I actually stopped eating meat because I did not like the taste of any of it and it made me feel bloated and lethargic when I ate it. It was never to do with animal welfare (DH gave up because of the welfare aspect). I never liked touching it or even really looking at it.

Over the years I have become more and more aware of the way animals are kept and slaughtered and I don't like it. I only have oat milk now and the little cheese I eat is usually vegan. I do eat eggs but only from my neighbour's free range hens.

It would honestly make me feel ill to buy meat and DH is even worse than I am. When we don't believe animals should be eaten why would we be ok in buying it even if it is for someone else?

All the rude comments on this thread have been by meat eaters which saddens me somewhat.

All this vilifying of ops relative over not wanting to do something that goes against who she is.

Whatever happened to the tried and trusted MN mantra No is a complete sentence ?
Or does that only apply to non- vegans?

Please do me this favour that I know you don't like doing, that goes against your principles, that I am quite capable of doing myself

No, I don't want to. It goes against my principles. I can compromise on this if you like?

Oh you're such a snowflake, you're so precious, and rude. Why will you not do me this favour, that I can actually do myself

Seems to me to be about the sum of it.

I'm vegetarian not vegan but I can understand that. It goes against her beliefs, he friend should just accept that

Morals and ethics and judginess aside, I wouldn't ask a vegan to buy me meat because I wouldn't trust them to buy decent stuff. They wouldn't know good meat from bad.

I spend a lot of time picking up and discarding steaks looking for just the right amount of fat, thickness, size etc.

I'm with your relative, I'd say no. Thankfully no one I know would have asked me to do this. I also agree that it sounds like the flat mate could be doing this deliberately to pick on your relative. It's absolutely fine for your relative to say no. No on should think that they're being particularly precious or difficult.

I wouldn't ask a vegan to buy meat for me because I understand some would find it off-putting and either refuse altogether or come back with some shitty processed chicken nuggets (or whatever looked the least like meat) rather than the nice dry-aged steak or calf's liver I actually wanted.

While I would never say anything or put anyone under pressure to buy stuff they disagree with, I do think it's a bit precious and, as a previous poster put it, tedious as fuck. It's completely understandable that people don't want to contribute to the demand for meat / porn / cigarettes / alcohol / shitty newspapers / (insert whatever else you hate) with their own money, but if someone else is paying for it and would have bought it anyways, it all quickly becomes a bit ridiculous.

I've bought a horrible tabloid for someone in hospital, tacky gendered plastic toys my friend's daughter wanted for her birthday (most likely landfill now) and disgusting soy and palm oil products that wreck havoc on your body and the environment for friends that have asked for them when they stayed with us. My Jewish, Muslim and vegetarian exes paid for my bacon burger, prawns and G&Ts on dates. My non-smoker DP will get me cigarettes from the shop (about 3 times a year when I really fancy one) and continues to buy the chocolate and ice cream I ask for even though I really shouldn't be eating any of that crap and need to lose weight. I've brought back a piece of religious clothing for a friend from a holiday although to me it's a symbol of the patriarchy and deeply ingrained misogyny. I've helped another friend research breeders for a dog she was planning to buy even though plenty of rescues are desperate for a home. I've driven someone to a polling station although I'm pretty sure that resulted in one more vote for a party I despise. Quite possibIy worst of all, I even enabled a friend to order an absolutely hideous piece of furniture by agreeing to store it in our house (with pretty limited space) and the thing violated my eyes every single day for almost two months.

I'm very much of the live and let live persuasion and while I have strong opinions on lots of things, I try not to ram them down other peoples' throats at every opportunity. Sure, if having a dairy chocolate bar in your shopping bag makes you physically sick, don't buy it. But if it's really just about voicing your disagreement with something, remember that this type of possibly principled but petty statement won't convince anybody that you're right and they are wrong (flies, honey, vinegar, etc).

@TaxiPlease you see to me, you just sound like someone who doesn't stick to their principles. Which is fine, some people feel more strongly than others about ethical and moral dilemmas.

I doubt she's trying to convince anyone she's right, but just wants to stick to her own beliefs.

It's surely up to each person if they want to enable others to do things that they personally feel are wrong or don't want to support. It's not petty.

I hate smoking and wish that no one would smoke but I really have no issue picking up a packet of cigarettes for a colleague at work because I'm popping down to the shops. If anything, refusing to make the purchase will just as likely result in the requester purchasing more in advance and then consuming at a higher rate because of greater in-hand availability (ham or cigarettes).

you just sound like someone who doesn't stick to their principles

It sounds to me like they very strongly stick to their principle of:

I try not to ram them down other peoples' throats at every opportunity

Which, to me, is a very fine principle to stick to, given that there is such a wide variety of people in this world.

I think the roommate is being more precious than her relative tbh. The roommate could either ask one of the other roommates or get it themselves if it is that important vs eyerolling and being annoyed by it. Plus, why continue to ask the relative if the relative constantly says no?

Gronky, I wouldn't buy cigarettes for anyone either.

Neither me or DH have ever smoked and both think it is a vile disgusting habit. We holiday in France a lot and when MIL was alive she would ask every single time if we would buy cigarettes for DH's sister. We always said no and his mum would scream and shout. Still asked the next time though

Agreed. I am no longer vegan but was for many years and had an ex who used to wind me up by asking me to buy meat at the supermarket. I never would, I felt physically ill even walking past meat and to some extent still do (still veggie, haven’t touched meat since I was twelve).

I honestly wouldn’t even know where to start with meat tbh, I’ve never had to buy it.

Gronky, I wouldn't buy cigarettes for anyone either.

Sorry, to clarify, I would buy cigarettes for someone if I were already going to the shops.

I don't smoke or drink but wouldn't stop me buying fags or booze for someone if they asked for a favour at the shops! Christ precious or what!