To think you shouldn't ask a vegan to buy you meat/animal products?

[Ragnasath]

A younger relative told me yesterday in casual conversation about how her housemate at university often asks her to pick up meat or animal products from the supermarket for her.

There's a few of them living together and all buy their own food but will all take turns buying loo roll, fairy liquid etc that are communal. My relative said that often when it is her turn to go and get these things, a particular housemate will often say 'can you pick me up some ham slices/ Cadbury chocolate' etc whilst you're there. This relative is a passionate vegan and feels very strongly against animal cruelty etc and has been vegan for 5 years as a result. She said that she'll usually say no to the friend because she doesn't want anything to do with the purchase of animal products but will offer her a vegan alternative (i.e I don't feel comfortable buying you cadburys but am happy to get you oreos or bourbons instead etc). Apparently the housemate often gets annoyed at this response and will roll her eyes about how she's being ridiculous because housemate offers to give relative the money to buy the items so it's not coming out of relative's pocket. Relative still says she wants nothing to do with the purchase of animals or animal products.

The relative says she never asks her friend to pick her up any snacks or food because she doesn't want to feel like she has to reciprocate by buying her housemate food which goes against her values.

I think it's pretty awful of the housemate to put her in that position tbh. You wouldn't ask a committed Muslim to pick you up a bottle of wine would you and I don't see much difference in this scenario

Of course this woman can refuse to buy meat, and of course her choice must be adhered to.

But it is dreary and tedious as fuck.

In my vegetarian years it would never have occurred to me to refuse to buy meat. And it's probably never occurred to my non-smoking friends to refuse to buy my cigarettes.

I feel for vegans, and can't understand why they get such a hard time. This kind of thing doesn't help much though, even though I understand it.

She can just say no. Let the housemate get arsey. It’s no big deal.

“But it is dreary and tedious as fuck”

Is it dreary and tedious as fuck that I wouldn’t buy cigarettes or porn?

Yes it is

I was a vegetarian for many years. It would have been crazy to insist my then husband do a separate shop for meat.

I think in a house share it can appear more difficult because it’s like you’re changing the dynamic. If 3/4 people are willing to add something to the shopping list when they pop out but 1 isn’t I can see why that would be irritating.

Surely the easiest way for your relative OP would be a quick house meeting with a change of rules that they don’t shop for each other.

Yes it is

Is it dreary and tedious as fuck for someone to decline to do something they vehemently disagree with?

To me, ham in particular is too close to human meat

I have no idea why you are being mocked for this. This is how ham got its name you know. It's an acronym - Human Arse Meat.

I'm not even vaguely vegetarian and I think the housemate is being out of order. It's ok to ask once, but vegan relative has every right to say no and then housemate should stop asking. It's really that simple. It's not even about veganism vs not, it's about basic consideration for another person.

I see no harm in someone asking and I see no harm in them refusing. It doesn't need to be a big deal surely.

The household stuff interests me though... presumably the other housemates aren't buying all vegan cleaning supplies when it's their turn so does relative use what's in the house and just buy vegan when it's her turn? Or does she not partake in the round robin and just have her own stash of stuff??

I think you are making that up!

Many years ago I had an interesting chat about cannibalism with a very nice lady whose great grandfather told her about it (obv in a part of the world where it was practiced).

Do they share a fridge & cooking facilities though? And buying meat for a housemate not ok but buying vegan stuff from a shop that sells meat IS ok? I use meat as the most contentious request btw, I get it's not just meat that's the issue.

I'm not criticising, I think I'd be the same as your relative tbh. But I can see why the housemate could find it difficult to get their head round if the meat is from the same shop and ends up in the same fridge, etc. If it doesn't then, then no possible objection, it's not as if students are short of time to do their own food shopping from my experience.
As an aside OP I know some Muslims that drink and I know more that are happy to give alcohol as gifts or buy a mixed round in a pub even if they don't drink it themselves.

So don't ask anymore. It takes one final conversation- I don't feel comfortable picking up the products you usually have, so instead of us having petty, ridiculous and condescending convos every time of why your buying if certain products is wrong and immoral, how bout we juts adult and don't pick up things for each other, and then not have conflict. Because I'm vegan everything you do disgusts me and I'm judging you for it so this was we stay as friends or flat mates at least and no mutual eyerolling is ever required again. I think they are both daft for not juts having this convo after the first few times

So your relative has made a decision she is comfortable with and has offered a compromise to her rather demanding housemate? She is happy with her decision and I'm guessing being vegan she is used to having people, wrongly, judge her choices?

And you as a non-vegan are stressing about this?

She's living in a uni house share, there's alway a tit amongst the mix, least she's learnt early on who it is

There’s a lot of irony and hypocrisy on this post. People have decided without evidence that the young relative is being judgy, and in turn have been judgemental about her, and have made sweeping generalisations about vegans. The nastiness is all coming from the meat-eaters

Ffs, live and let live. Young relative is entitled to her principles, she doesn’t have to do anything for anyone else that she doesn’t want to do.

I am a meat-eater and respect anyone else’s rights to eat what they want and buy what they want.

I think it’s unwise to say anything at all to people who are easily upset.

I'm not vegetarian or vegan although have been considering going veggie for a little while (can't give up the steaks).

I would never ask a vegan to buy meat products.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If she's not happy doing it, she is entitled to feel that way

The housemate is being a dick.

And I don’t think the vegan relative is necessarily being ‘superior’ or ‘condescending’ by offering to pick up vegan alternatives - to me it sounds more like she is offering a compromise to soften the “no”. Don’t we all do that from time to time if someone asks us to do something we can’t or won’t? We don’t just say “No” every time, if someone is a friend we quite often say “I can’t do that but I can do X instead”.

I wouldn't ask a vegan to buy meat but as a vegan, I doubt I'd be using the same kitchen as a meat eater.

To those mocking the pp who said pig products were too close to human meat - the term "long pig" is, according to the dictionary "a translation of a term formerly used in some Pacific islands for human flesh as food". Those who have eaten both say they're actually quite similar.

There are also some bodily similarities between pigs and humans which mean that when forensic specialists want to recreate a crime scene they're quite likely to use a pig as a stand in for a human. Similar body size and consistency. Often pays to check things out before you mock.

I think it's pretty awful of the housemate to put her in that position tbh. You wouldn't ask a committed Muslim to pick you up a bottle of wine would you and I don't see much difference in this scenario

I agree with you OP. Neither scenario is acceptable if the person doesn't want to.

I brought some sweets to work the other day and made sure some were vegan (Skittles) so everyone could enjoy them. A little consideration makes everyone happy.

“Often pays to check things out before you mock.”

Well, I am very firmly on the side of the vegans/ vegetarians on this- but I reserve the right to mock anyone who won’t eat pork because it’s too like human. And I have an ancestor who actually ate “long pig” way back when.

People have decided without evidence that the young relative is being judgy,

No, there is evidence that she's being judgy – and condescending – in 'offering a vegan alternative'.

So I am guessing than none of the vegetarians or vegans refusing to buy meat on this thread have dogs or cats?

A lot of vegans disagree with keeping animals as pets.

I’m vegetarian, and specifically chose a vegan pet so the issue of their food would not come up. DH wants a cat at some point, so we will have to buy meat products for him or her, but that’s because kitty has no other options.

No, there is evidence that she's being judgy – and condescending – in 'offering a vegan alternative'.

That’s your interpretation of her offer. I have suggested another upthread. There is no evidence either way of what her intentions are with the offer.