To sell up and move to Spain ?

[MijasMaddie]

Hi MN’s!

I’ve nc! So in a nutshell.. I’ve got two DC (sons) 8yrs and 10yrs. DH is 13 years older than me. (I’m mid thirties he’s late 40s)

He works in financial sales and I’m a small business owner (pet care/boarding).

We have a home in a lovely place on the outskirts of London. BUT we are struggling to live!

My DH has unfortunately been out of work/made redundant SO many times! We’ve been together 13 years and it seems every 2/3 years he is out of work.

A couple of years ago he had to ‘leave’ instead of being pushed and was out of work nearly a whole year! This has put us in such a bad financial situation.

We now pay the mortgage and the bills but we have hardly anything to live on. The mortgage and outgoings are huge.

Credit cards maxed out. I’m in touch with debt companies etc only so much can be done!

Life is a hamster wheel and borrowing from Peter to pay Paul etc..

AIBU to sell up and move to Spain? We attended Spanish lessons (myself, DH, DC) but stopped a couple of years ago! So we are no way fluent!

I have no money nor does DH but we have money in our home. After selling our home we could have enough to buy a three bed apartment in Southern Spain (ideally Calahonda area).

DH is saying he’ll have to stay here and rent a room outskirts of London to work his job in the city etc.

I could get rid of my debts and this misarable life but I will also have burnt all bridges to ever be able to come back.

My youngest is 8 and a young sweet 8. He’d be happy and make friends anywhere. But my eldest is 10 going on Kevin the Teenager! I’d have to put them through Spanish state school (also thinking of doing Cambridge p/t home school modules) if he hated it then he’ll hate me!!

Pros - I’d have the debts and financial burdens weighing me down gone. I’d be living in a sunny climate.
I am qualified in beauty industry, massage, animal pet training care..

Cons- what if it all goes wrong?

I’ve wanted to move to Southern Spain since 2013. I love it there. I fully appreciate living there is different to a holiday.

Only other option is to sell this house and rent there for a year (?)

Are kids that are about to turn 9 and 11 too old to be put in a Spanish state school?

I cannot go on like this 😑 too over drawn too broke. Don’t know how I’ll afford food for this week!

The thought of selling up and being able to buy a spacious penthouse in Spain has never been so tempting.

Ps. I have experience in beauty, make up, massage in case you wondered what I’d do over there. Also a very experienced animal carer.

• also Brexit is a factor but as it stands I know I can still go there ...

Please give me some advice (shake some sense into me!) thank you! X

It really is here or Spain

It really isn't. You've decided that this is the case, but no one is telling you to go back to Cambs (it's bloody expensive, for starters).

Like I said upthread, you've already decided that this crazy plan is the only one and you're deliberately ignoring everyone's very sensible advice. You point out the cost of train fares for your DH if you move a bit further out of London, but what about airfares to Spain??? What about childcare when you're living as a single parent with two primary age kids? You've got tunnel vision and a pair of rose-tinted glasses on. Moving OS is a dream for many people, but you know what? Once the novelty has worn off it's the same shit in a different place. Your problems are 1) your DH can't keep a job and 2) you're living in cloud cuckoo land and unless you fix those two things your problems will follow you wherever you go.

Find out how much you could rent your house out for as it is - or with only minor improvements. You might be surprised. Some people will live in what most people would call dives, if it gets them a bigger house than they could otherwise afford.

I would not burn your bridges and then possibly regret it, especially if dh doesn't go too. You will eat away at your capital if you have to find dh renting a room and funding regular flights. It's too big a risk.

I think you need to press your husband to think a bit more about his career. It sounds like you are handicapped by not understanding independently what he does and having to take his word for it. Ask him for more detail and if he’s evasive start a separate thread and ask Mumsnet, a lot of people on here know a lot about the City and financial services and careers.

Born - it’s not ‘entertaining’ to me or my kids though 😑 thank you anyhow for your reply

OP it does seem that you're only really acknowledging the posts that are advocating the move.

You clearly want to go so just go.

Ok, you can't stay where you are and you're afraid of gong back to where you can't from. That's ok, because you do have other choices and we can help you think through then. There's the South Coast, people are making a compelling case for Wales... And if you really need exciting - ask your DH about moving to Guernsey or Bermuda; lots of financial services jobs, all different and exciting, but you're still within British overseas territories, property is cheaper to clear most of your debt and you're all still together.

JessieMcJessie

I think you need to press your husband to think a bit more about his career. It sounds like you are handicapped by not understanding independently what he does and having to take his word for it. Ask him for more detail and if he’s evasive start a separate thread and ask Mumsnet, a lot of people on here know a lot about the City and financial services and careers.

^ thank you! Best advice in the world! And I truly mean that! He’s always been a ‘mystery’ (pig headed!)

I for one would LOVE to move to Spain. I really would, so I don't blame you for having the same dream. However, one question that I must ask you, as I ask myself is: If you move to Spain. How are you going to earm money? Can you set up a secure income stream before you go? If not, are you intending on pitching up and starting a business or job hunt? How long can you afford to live with no income??

The Spanish economy is not good OP. Spaniards have trouble getting work. Without being bilingual, how the hell are you going to compete?

As I say, it's a really lovely idea. But the practicalities need a lot more working on.

OP, I totally get the urge to jack it all in and move somewhere far, far away. I’ve done it myself several times, in Europe and further afield. But you can’t outrun yourself, and the issues you’re facing won’t be improved by your move. Honest.

You can only do an international move with a rock solid marriage with both people pulling for the same thing. It tests a marriage like nothing else because when you uproot from friends and family you’ll be thrown together with only the other to rely on.

Find somewhere else in the uk to get yourself on a solid financial footing, and get a ten year plan for an adventure abroad in motion. I can count on the fingers of one hand how many people I know (of many, many dozens of expats and emigrants) who have improved their financial situation through leaving the UK. From what you describe, I am very sorry, but you won’t be one of them. This will make it worse.

Hi op. Would you be willing to provide more details of your current financial situation, eg house value, debt and outstanding mortgage, seeing as you have name changed. You might get some really detailed advice that could genuinely help.

From reading your posts it really seems that your idea is not well thought through. The plan is very vague and could be seriously scuppered by Brexit.

Like other pps, I know of people who've moved to Spain, it didn't work out, but now they're scuppered and cannot return because they're priced out of the UK market. It's a very big risk.

Do you know the area you'd be moving to? Do you have an indication that it would be easy to find work?

I know I'm being a bit rude here so apologies for that, but it sounds to me like you'd be adding one more layer of complexity to an already overcomplicated life. I think you need to see where you are with your debts first, get some advice, find out whether you'd be better maybe going bankrupt/IVA (but you need qualified advice on that to make sure your home wouldn't be at risk). Then see where you are as regards your long term income where you are now and what the outlook is for your DH's job. Is it the nature of the career that he has periods of no work? Then you need to start budgeting for the out of work periods by saving money while he's working. If that leaves you too short to live on, then look at ways of living more cheaply, and maybe Spain would be one of those options, but you should be aware that there will be unforseen problems and costs with that, and if you sell up it will be quite hard to come back.

Sooh- thank you 😊

Also I do not have any family (broken) it’s just me and my boys!

I completely understand that it’s hard to make a life in Spain. I work 7 days a week and H has made things pretty hard financially! I looked into a big 3 bed place in calahonda and (maybe naively ) thought why wouldn’t going there be easier than this ‘life’.
I know I could or should go to Wales etc.

Today 09:25 juneau

It really is here or Spain

It really isn't. You've decided that this is the case, but no one is telling you to go back to Cambs (it's bloody expensive, for starters

June- I totally get what you’re saying! And of course that doesn’t have to be the case! But I’m kind of saying that in terms of places we know and could be happy. Various places around UK brings depression just thinking about it.

Can you sell your house and buy a smaller one outright with the £200 equity and then rent that out? Use that income to rent in Spain?
I'm just concerned you'll price yourself out of the market here if it all goes tits up.

He and I have both lived in Spain many years ago.

So how long did you both live there?

And why did you come back to the UK?

Go to wherever you want to go, but before toy do, you need to, as other posters have said, fix the issues with your DH in whatever form they agree.

My DH and I are a strong team. We've weathered some seriously testing times. We've had massive rows and come out the other side with more understanding. And now we've made our move because it was right for us as a unit. It's still a bit scary and there's some hurdles to overcome, but we went into it with our eyes open and having researched and reviewed and discontinued every other option, which did include moving to Spain.

Another question. You say you're on the outskirts of London. Could you perhaps stay in the home counties so that DH can commute, but go to a much cheaper area?

You can get a reasonably priced 3 bed in Milton Keynes or Aylesbury. There's a huge demand for pet care in these areas too. Season ticket to London would be £4k but damn sight cheaper than renting a flat in London and flying to Spain on a regular basis!

Have you done any research whether expats want pet boarding? My friends abroad get their friends to have their dogs when they are away to save costs.

There is MASSIVE unemployment in Spain. Huge. All my friends who moved to Spain are back as they couldn't get work. I have one friend who still lives in Barcelona and she has a private income to live on.

Don't underestimate Brexit. Do not even think of moving until issues are resolved. You don't have enough cash to risk it. You can't speak the language. It seems a mad plan and you could lose your equity.

I think you are being very naive.

Your H's job is 'niche' and can only be done in London (or Gibraltar - but there are no vacancies there apparently). I am honestly struggling to think of a role like that and I work in the sector! Unless it's London Markets but even then I know loads of people who commute (or work remotely) from all over the UK. A sales background in financial services has a lot of transferable skills and if he's being made redundant again and again, then perhaps it would be wise to see a careers coach in the sector and look at diversifying?

In terms of your equity, £200K would get you a decent house in lots of places in the UK without having to take on a mortgage. And as a dog-owner myself I know that decent pet services are always in demand and fully booked.

TBH you sound as if you have your heart set on Spain and are determined to go no matter what. And if that's the case then good luck to you. But IME the people who are desperate to go and jump in feet first are the ones who end up hating it, and are unable to move back to the UK without taking on a poorer standard of living because of the price discrepancies.

You haven't thought this through. You have down played Brexit. You have down played the impact on your children. You have down played problems in the Spanish economy.
You have talked up disproportionately what you would bring to the economy.
You need a serious rethink. And a look at the map of the UK if you want more for your money.
If it was just you and you were my sister, I would say, fuck it do what you want. But you are potentially messing things up for your kids without a sketch of a plan.
FWIW, I've lived abroad loads.

You are being naive - sorry to be harsh, but you are. You’re imagining how exotic life will feel as you’re sitting on your sunny terrace with a coffee or a glass of wine, or going for a swim in the sea or a pool, but what you are imagining is a holiday.

What actually happens is that the holiday feeling lasts a few months, but then the reality hits. It’s still the same round of life admin, and sorting out the kids, and doing the weekly shop, and worrying about the electric bill, but it’s made three times harder because it’s run in a bureaucracy that you don’t understand, with unwritten rules that you don’t get, in a language that you don’t really speak. Even little things like finding a hairdresser, or getting your internet connected can feel like an insurmountable struggle.

You also need a hefty cushion of money for unplanned expenses. For example, what about your moving expenses? Budget five grand minimum. Passports, vaccinations etc for dogs. Set up costs at your new place. It adds up frighteningly quickly.

We were struggling and had the exact same thought. We would sell everything we own and just get a caravan and go. We would live off the land and jobs here and there. Also have 3dc.
We were almost ready to go and live an adventure when we surprisingly got an offer of sponsorship in Australia... So here we are getting our paperwork in order for our visa and hopefully we will be in sunny oz soon. 😊
If you're ready for an adventure without many home comforts and not having much money but more so a healthier lifestyle go for it!

Honestly, apart from what everyone else has said, your biggest problem is your DH. He’s “a mystery”, pig headed, you have no idea what he really does and he keeps losing jobs. This isn’t good. No one’s job is so “niche” that they can only do it in London. And even if it was, how long before he “loses” it? You need to have a serious conversation with him about all of this. It seems that he’s the one that’s got you into this dire situation. Moving to Spain will not solve this problem.

I'm from the South, and live "up North"! House prices are cheaper than in the London area, but in some areas of the North they can be almost as expensive as in the Home Counties (certain areas near Manchester for example). It irks me that the "North" is lumped together as a cheap place to be - which isn't always the case.

Having said that, £200k would get you a lovely house in many, many lovely areas, both North and South. My DH works in central London and commutes there several times a week. It is do-able.

And in my area we the waiting list for decent pet boarding and groomers is ridiculously long.

I wish you the best of luck, whatever you choose to do.

Thank you everyone for your advice. You have definitely opened My eyes (even if I don’t necessarily want to hear it!)

I understand about Brexit however I also believe that it may not be resolved for a long long time... we could just be waiting forever it seems

Lastly employment .. as it stands I’m working all around the clock and H is employed but with mortgage debts etc it’s just all go! The thought of being mortgage free would mean we’d still have to find work but wouldn’t be for an extortionate mortgage etc. You could be right I might just be a dreamer! But I see so many people less qualified and with no money who live in south Spain and I guess I think if they can do it ......