To sell up and move to Spain ?

[MijasMaddie]

Hi MN’s!

I’ve nc! So in a nutshell.. I’ve got two DC (sons) 8yrs and 10yrs. DH is 13 years older than me. (I’m mid thirties he’s late 40s)

He works in financial sales and I’m a small business owner (pet care/boarding).

We have a home in a lovely place on the outskirts of London. BUT we are struggling to live!

My DH has unfortunately been out of work/made redundant SO many times! We’ve been together 13 years and it seems every 2/3 years he is out of work.

A couple of years ago he had to ‘leave’ instead of being pushed and was out of work nearly a whole year! This has put us in such a bad financial situation.

We now pay the mortgage and the bills but we have hardly anything to live on. The mortgage and outgoings are huge.

Credit cards maxed out. I’m in touch with debt companies etc only so much can be done!

Life is a hamster wheel and borrowing from Peter to pay Paul etc..

AIBU to sell up and move to Spain? We attended Spanish lessons (myself, DH, DC) but stopped a couple of years ago! So we are no way fluent!

I have no money nor does DH but we have money in our home. After selling our home we could have enough to buy a three bed apartment in Southern Spain (ideally Calahonda area).

DH is saying he’ll have to stay here and rent a room outskirts of London to work his job in the city etc.

I could get rid of my debts and this misarable life but I will also have burnt all bridges to ever be able to come back.

My youngest is 8 and a young sweet 8. He’d be happy and make friends anywhere. But my eldest is 10 going on Kevin the Teenager! I’d have to put them through Spanish state school (also thinking of doing Cambridge p/t home school modules) if he hated it then he’ll hate me!!

Pros - I’d have the debts and financial burdens weighing me down gone. I’d be living in a sunny climate.
I am qualified in beauty industry, massage, animal pet training care..

Cons- what if it all goes wrong?

I’ve wanted to move to Southern Spain since 2013. I love it there. I fully appreciate living there is different to a holiday.

Only other option is to sell this house and rent there for a year (?)

Are kids that are about to turn 9 and 11 too old to be put in a Spanish state school?

I cannot go on like this 😑 too over drawn too broke. Don’t know how I’ll afford food for this week!

The thought of selling up and being able to buy a spacious penthouse in Spain has never been so tempting.

Ps. I have experience in beauty, make up, massage in case you wondered what I’d do over there. Also a very experienced animal carer.

• also Brexit is a factor but as it stands I know I can still go there ...

Please give me some advice (shake some sense into me!) thank you! X

your biggest problem is your DH.

True. And moving to Spain would actually make you more dependent on this pigheaded man who's bad at keeping jobs, because he would become your only source of stable income.

"May" and "could" are not great words to base your future upon.

There's a reason very big firms have moved out of the UK.

I'm a dual national and bilingual and spend a lot of time in both the UK and Spain.
I would REALLY NOT recommend you to move to Spain given your circumstances. I have personally known many British families who have sold everything and moved only to lose all their money and return with nothing.
It is very different to retire to the coast with a UK pension and a grown up family than to try and work and bring up a family. Andalucia is a poor part of Spain and out of season there really isn't much work.
While your children would learn Spanish fairly quickly I suspect that you would struggle and believe me it's hard enough for a native speaker to fill in tax returns let alone for someone with a poor grasp of the language.
Many of the houses that have been built along the coast are really only suitable as summer holiday homes. They will be cold and damp in winter.
If Brexit happens then your life would become much harder and more expensive.
Please reconsider.

It seems clear that the issue is your husband.

He sounds as though he is trying to ship you off. You sound as though you are grasping at straws. The dogs chewing up the house to a state you don't want people to rent it show mild depression at best. Running away won't make these any better.

Sort the DH issues first. Don't make wild plans to try to shake things up.

My ex sold up and moved there in December with 40k in savings. He's been staying rent free in his parent's apartment in an expat community Valencia.
He's almost run out of money and thinking of coming back because he can't find enough work over there.

I don't see how you would manage with no savings.

Lonely - you are very insightful snd therefor moving away from H actually is very tempting 😊 jokes aside I’m trying to think of solutions while continuing to work

Fair- your ex sounds like a brat! No wonder he’s an ex! Did he actually try and get a job? I know it’s hard anywhere btw!
Thank you for your advice xx

You are in a pretty good situation if you have £200k to "start over".

You have the free choice of loads of areas of the UK where you can get your business up and running and have a good life plus holidays in Spain if you fancy them! Maybe plan to retire early in Spain even.

You could quite easily and quickly lose the whole £200k forever with the Spain move if you buy a place but cannot find a job so cannot afford to stay there and then also cannot sell your Spanish place again.

If you are thinking of leaving DH in London you could still do this. Honestly though are you happy in this marriage?

If you really want to go though, I would buy a property in the UK to rent out and then move to Spain only once you have a job secured there and rent a place in Spain until you are confident about staying. It seems reckless to move with kids if you are not sure that you can support yourself there.

Having read other posters who are more in the know re Spain, then I'm revising my. Do your move, but stay in the UK. As PPs have said, loads of places where you can get a nice home and still have cash in the bank.

The issue is, I think, for DH and that you sound ground down. Either you make the move then e how things are with your DH, or you consider splitting now. I'm not well up enough on the ramifications of either approach to advise.

What if your husband loses his job and you can’t get a job or only a low paid job? What would you live on?

"I understand about Brexit however I also believe that it may not be resolved for a long long time... we could just be waiting forever it seems"

This indicates little understanding of Brexit and a not very mature attitude to family upheaval.

I don't agree with the posters that say the problem is with her husband , as she is dripping feeding information , I believe in an attempt to get more people to support her . I don't believe anyone has a job that can only be done in London , and even if there is , commuting to London or renting a room while you live in a cheaper part of the country has to be easier and cheaper then if you live in Spain .
My company relocate ex pats back from Spain all the time , as they have found the reality hasn't matched the dream .They have had huge problems selling their houses and more often then not have had to sell at a huge loss, there is a bit of a glut of houses for sale. Some year's ago my mum and step dad retired to Spain , when my step dad had to be admitted to hospital my mum had to provide basic care for him , as the hospitals don't do that....they returned after a few years my mum gated it out there and their marriage broke down
We all have the dream of running away from our problems, but as another poster has said ,it's the same shit ,just a different location

OP start a new thread in relationships on your DH if you want better advice. The moving can happen later, once that is sorted out and you are better aware of your financial situation. There's a lot of support on here for your DH situation that will help you plan a brighter future for you and the boys. Good luck.

Yeah I mean this is the shit thing about Brexit, it's not clear what the rights of British in the EU will be in the future, and it's not likely to become clear for quite a while. It's shit. But that's not a reason to just say bugger it and go anyway, because you could end up really screwed.

As others have said you can't outrun your problems. If you feel you are not on top of your financial situation now - in your own country where you are fluent in the language and know the culture etc - it won't improve once you relocate - especially in Spain with high unemployment, Brexit etc. There's some great advice here on how you can get yourself in a better position and I would recommend you follow that, get on top of your problems and once this is done - appreciate it will take years but there are no shortcuts - consider if you want to still relocate to Spain and if yes make a realistic financial plan.

I live in a very small northern city. In our financial services business, six people earn over 100k, one of them multiply.
The average wage across the company (and most staff are admin and support) is nearly double the average wage.
Your husband is either blinkered, or is wedded to the prestige of working in the City. He’s not alone. The problem is he clearly isn’t very good at it or you wouldn’t be broke.
I love Spain, I learnt the language as an adult to proficient level, but I do think this would be a disaster for your family if you go now.
There is a massive pool of skilled, educated labour in Spain with good English language skills. Wages are generally very low. Without prized transferable skills or significant capital, you will get into trouble.
Utilities are expensive and you will have condominium charges for your building and any amenities.
You don’t have to let go of the dream, just get yourselves in a better place to achieve it, - in the U.K. and then make the move.
You need a five or ten year plan.
Your current plan is very risky for your children. If you can’t afford international schools, they will not follow the U.K. curriculum and gain U.K. qualifications, which could seriously hamper their opportunities in the U.K. if they want to work without getting a marketable degree. So many young people from Spain struggling to find work or at least well paid work do come to the U.K. I know five young Spanish people living and working in the U.K. All have degrees (in Spain). One was earning a pittance in his home country in IT, two are pharmacists here, one is a vet, the other works teaching Spanish, a job unrelated to her degree. All feel there are more opportunities for them here in the U.K., despite missing home.

Join a FB expat group of the area you are interested in and read the posts about moving to Spain and pose your question there to other people who have done it.

Javea Connect is a good one and there are a lot of helpful people on there doling our great advice to people in your situation.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Mijas he has his own locksmith business which he has tried to get going in Spain. He is also a qualified carpenter, plasterer and electrician. He has lots of skills that he can offer but still can't get work. He is trying to get bar work now as it's getting towards tourist season.
He'd been planning the move for a year, been out on a couple of visits before actually going. He's found that the Spanish prefer to employ Spanish people and there isn't enough work in just the expat communities.

He's not a brat. We split 3 years ago and are on good terms. He's provided financially for DS from the house sale.
Spain was his dream and I feel bad for him that it's not working out.

Fair- huge apologies! When you mentioned he was an ex and upsticjed to Spain has lived with his folks etc - that’s why I said he was a brat!!! And thank you again for your advice

I know someone who commutes into London from Grantham, it meant them being mortgage free. It’s a far more sensible plan than moving to Spain when we might be about to leave the EU. You need to put your sensible head on, OP.

...I think the fact that you totally missed the point of fairgame's post about her ex needs to be a warning to you that your thinking about this move is not even vaguely realistic. There was nothing in her post to suggest the ex was a brat. The point of it was that 40k in savings was not enough to establish himself in Spain despite having no rent to pay. But you jumped to the assumption that he just hadn't tried, because it's what you wanted to believe.

You're thinking that you're somehow going to magically avoid all these challenges and be an exemption to the economic pressures. It doesn't work like that. This is magical thinking.

SoHot - sorry but if a middle aged man has got through £40k while living rent free with his folks in a matter of months.. there’s something wrong there?? What ‘point’ have I missed exaxtly ?

You say your H is a mystery.

I agree with others, that he is your problem. Continually losing his job is he reason you’re in debt.
If you move to Spain, will you be relying on his income in any way? what happens when he loses his job again?

My parents live in the Costa del sol but they're wealthy. Also one of my parents is Spanish and both are fluent in Spanish. I know lots of Spanish and expats in that part of Spain and life isn't easy unless you are quite well off. Very well qualified bilingual people struggle to find jobs and the type you are thinking of is very seasonal. My parents pay community charges for all their properties which is quite a lot of money.

Also, for the kids to move to a completely different education system it will be really hard. Not really the language but the way they're taught in Spain. It is much more academic than here and there is a lot of memorizing.

Move to somewhere else in the uk. You'll be able to buy a house outright in many parts of the country. I live in notts and have a lovely 4 bedroom that I bought for just over £200k but there are lots of cheaper options.

He's not living with his parents, it's their holiday home. They live in the UK. He doesn't have to pay rent but has to pay bills. He had to sell his UK registered van and buy a Spanish van because you can only have a UK registered vehicle in Spain for 6 months apparently. That took some if his money but I don't know how much.
He parents went out in feb and helped him with leaflet drops. He's been advertising on Facebook and is involved with the expat community so he has a network of friends.
He is the kind of bloke that normally falls on his feet so the fact that he is struggling just shows that it's not easy.