To sell up and move to Spain ?

[MijasMaddie]

Hi MN’s!

I’ve nc! So in a nutshell.. I’ve got two DC (sons) 8yrs and 10yrs. DH is 13 years older than me. (I’m mid thirties he’s late 40s)

He works in financial sales and I’m a small business owner (pet care/boarding).

We have a home in a lovely place on the outskirts of London. BUT we are struggling to live!

My DH has unfortunately been out of work/made redundant SO many times! We’ve been together 13 years and it seems every 2/3 years he is out of work.

A couple of years ago he had to ‘leave’ instead of being pushed and was out of work nearly a whole year! This has put us in such a bad financial situation.

We now pay the mortgage and the bills but we have hardly anything to live on. The mortgage and outgoings are huge.

Credit cards maxed out. I’m in touch with debt companies etc only so much can be done!

Life is a hamster wheel and borrowing from Peter to pay Paul etc..

AIBU to sell up and move to Spain? We attended Spanish lessons (myself, DH, DC) but stopped a couple of years ago! So we are no way fluent!

I have no money nor does DH but we have money in our home. After selling our home we could have enough to buy a three bed apartment in Southern Spain (ideally Calahonda area).

DH is saying he’ll have to stay here and rent a room outskirts of London to work his job in the city etc.

I could get rid of my debts and this misarable life but I will also have burnt all bridges to ever be able to come back.

My youngest is 8 and a young sweet 8. He’d be happy and make friends anywhere. But my eldest is 10 going on Kevin the Teenager! I’d have to put them through Spanish state school (also thinking of doing Cambridge p/t home school modules) if he hated it then he’ll hate me!!

Pros - I’d have the debts and financial burdens weighing me down gone. I’d be living in a sunny climate.
I am qualified in beauty industry, massage, animal pet training care..

Cons- what if it all goes wrong?

I’ve wanted to move to Southern Spain since 2013. I love it there. I fully appreciate living there is different to a holiday.

Only other option is to sell this house and rent there for a year (?)

Are kids that are about to turn 9 and 11 too old to be put in a Spanish state school?

I cannot go on like this 😑 too over drawn too broke. Don’t know how I’ll afford food for this week!

The thought of selling up and being able to buy a spacious penthouse in Spain has never been so tempting.

Ps. I have experience in beauty, make up, massage in case you wondered what I’d do over there. Also a very experienced animal carer.

• also Brexit is a factor but as it stands I know I can still go there ...

Please give me some advice (shake some sense into me!) thank you! X

Golorinda- thank you! Great and wonderful advice xx

Op, go ahead. Ignore people's advice on here. Disregard your children's needs. Follow your heart because that will obviously work out brilliantly, hun.
Isn't that what you want to hear rather than - be sensible; sort out issues here; make longer term proportionate plans; do proper homework; put your kids' interests at the heart of what you decide.

Yeah, OP I think it's a pretty dick move to deliberately track down a poster who has offered you helpful, realistic advice to post a petty comment on a thread of theirs from last year. And yes, last year - 2018, 6 months ago. You know this is 2019 right?

Bellini - I never ignore people. I work all the time. I might not be able to have to time luxury to individually answer everyone personally but rest assured I appreciate everyone’s advice and always thank everyone.

I’ve just been charmingly been called a playground juvenile name by a silly silly person saying this thread is from ‘last year’ 😳🤣 never once have I called people names like that.

I’ve just been charmingly been called a playground juvenile name by a silly silly person saying this thread is from ‘last year’

The poster stated the thread you dug out and posted a cheap dig on was from last year...

You’re doing the classic MN “don’t get the replies I want so I’ll display increasingly puerile behaviour”.

You’ve had some fabulous advice, it’s a shame you’re focusing on things which aren’t painting you in the best light.

TheHodge- huge apologies but I do not engage with people that call others ‘d**ks’! It’s cringeworthy and juvenile! I do hope your DC don’t repeat that kind of language from their mother in the playground.

JacquesHammer

I’ve just been charmingly been called a playground juvenile name by a silly silly person saying this thread is from ‘last year’

The poster stated the thread you dug out and posted a cheap dig on was from last year...

^ you failed to miss out that the silly poster called me a d**k!! I’ve never called anyone a name.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Easter x

No I noticed it, what you did was a dick move.

Maybe an apology to the poster who you felt the need to advance search and snipe at would be in order?

Jacques- if you condone calling people rude names then you’re just as bad! Sorry but true!

For the rest of everyone on here (bar maybe 1% of the negatives) thank you once again!
I’ve had some amazing advice and food for thought xx

if you condone calling people rude names then you’re just as bad! Sorry but true!

If someone acts like a dick then law of averages states....

Nice segue to avoid acknowledging you’ve behaved like a.....you know where I’m going with this right?

Jacque- just leave it now. I know it’s easy to hide behind a screen and snipe but what are you getting from this? I’ve got lots from this wonderful thread! Please put your energy into something else x

MN obviously agree that your comment on the London thread was inappropriate because it has been deleted.

This thread is weird.

The poster you've scared off is exactly the person you should be listening to. People who have actually done it understand how relentlessness hard it is to move country. How unlike what you thought it would be and how the constant difference and language barrier is exhausting.

I've moved countries a couple of times, cities many. I'd live up north or in Southern Europe (and have). Being highly adaptive is innate and not learned. And if you feel you couldn't live up North and could live in Spain then the likelihood is you aren't adaptable enough to do it. That's not an insult, it's realistic. Culture shock is MASSIVE and the first year is generally the worst. That's without financial and relationship worries.

I've spent a third of my life living elsewhere and I think you're incredibly naive. If you are serious then you need to: learn Spanish, research job opportunities and train accordingly, save a whole load of money, wait until you have an EU passport or Brexit dies, research schools, be honest about how your 10 year old will cope (my DBro didn't cope when moved as a child), work out your relationship issues one way or another, save more money, find out what the residency conditions are, have a plan B, save more money.

And joylessness is exactly what you need. You have joy in your pipe dream. If it's going to happen you need realism and that involves a whole shitload of joylessness.

Just dropping by to make sure that everyone is addressing the point and not the person. And to give a thank you to all who have offered help and advice on this thread.

'Don't want to say where'
Who gives a shiny shite ? 🙄

I can't get past the fact that you don't know exactly what your 'pigheaded' DH does for a living, other than it only exists in London. He keeps losing his 'niche' jobs every 2/3 years. He's run up debts that you didn't know about which you've paid off using money generated by working 7 days a week in your own business. It is significant to people's advice that your DH has lied about debts (and works in financial services himself) that you've had to bail out.

Even if you did move to Spain, what do you think he's going to contribute? You're going to need huge amounts of energy and determination to get this plan off the ground - are you absolutely sure he's (a) on board and (b) not going to sink the whole plan by revealing more problems that you have to sort out?

bellinisurge

I think the issue is op has been planning this move since 2013 and has done all the right things but things have come up to scupper her plans.

Now people are saying to wait another 5 years and if something comes up then another 5 years.

At some point you do have to jump because life will always get in the way of the best laid plans.

Who is to say if instead of doing all the right things op, her dh and the dc had got on a plane in 2013 and spent the last 6 years carving their life out in Spain and in doing so her dh had found work, never been made redundant and things would have worked out better.

Doing the sensible thing has not resulted in a great outcome so far

This may be crazy but perhaps you and DH could both do the TEFL qualification. Then you could both secure contracts in Spain and keep the family together

AFAIK the best one for this is the CELTA. It is a month of very intensive work, and it costs a lot. And not sure about Spain but I don't know many people except the most experienced EFL teachers (who do niche things like business English and have other side gigs) who make anything like enough to live on for a family of 4. (my experience is of EFL teaching in Frankfurt where native speakers are highly desirable)

The problem with them both being TEFL teachers is, who looks after the children? Schools are 9-2 and the overwhelming majority of TEFL work is 4-10 pm. The average cost for someone to look after kids is €7 an hour, so if you're both out, let's say 3.30 to 10.30, you need to pay someone €49 a day to look after the kids. Even if you ony do 4-10 Mon-Thurs, that's about €785 a month, out of your €1200 salary, so even with 2 TEFL salaries you're talking about around €1600 a month to live off, and both of you working your backsides off (cos TEFL is haaaard).

Don't forget, at least at first, TEFL pays for about 9 months a year, not year round.

And, if your kids are at school 9-2 and you're at work 4-10, when do you actully see them? That's one of the reasons most people try their damndest to get out of TEFL once they have kids.

I would do it! If it didn't work out you could always move back to the UK but to a much cheaper area in the north.

also you might find - as I did - that you fork out shedloads of cash for the CELTA and then find that you really hate teaching... (I can laugh about it now , but at the time there were a LOT of tears)

Why not buy a couple of small holiday apartments and rent somewhere for the family. As well as teaching.

Do longer term let’s in winter at a reduced rate to retirees wanting to come over to get away from the cold in the UK.

But the cold in some parts of Spain feels so much worse than Northern Europe, horribly damp and quite expensive to dehumidify and heat some houses. I don’t understand how people survive it!

And add to the plan the very long school holidays in the summer months in Spain( isn't it June to September?) , just when the OP will have more opportunity for seasonal work but issues with childcare.