AIBU to take exception to being offered 'a night off' at a wedding?

[SomethingStupidSomethingGreat]

DH and I have been awaiting a formal invite (after the 'save the date' had been sent) for a wedding in 3 months time. We were expecting it to be a child free wedding, which is fine... and to be honest, who 'really' wants to take young children to a wedding?
However, the invite arrived and states
'We love your kids but thought you would like a night off, so adults only please'
... we won't be going as dc2 is bf and an avid bottle refuser so I can't leave her. I don't mind, they are not close family and I have massive wedding fatigue after so many last year... but something has really irked me about the phrasing of the invite. I almost (I won't because I'm only a dick in my head and in anonymous forums) feel like saying...
'Thank you for thinking for us, yes we'd love a night off but unfortunately our dc will starve if she doesn't have almost constant access to my breasts.' (The wedding is 5 hours away).
Full disclosure, I do realise that none of this is the couples fault.
I'm not sure what phrasing would have been better and not irked me? I guess it just grated a bit that actually some people don't have the choice of a night off from their kids no matter how much you love them 😬

@Bluntness100 maybe read OP again? 100% not planning on responding that way which I thought clear. That said 50% irritable as a person.

@Springwalk yes I know, and not should it 😊

I went to a wedding last year where a toddler called out a few times. I was shocked one of the parents didn't immediately remove them tbh!

@TapasForTwo til you've been in that situation you'd never i now though I think so won't worry about the 'it won't starve' comments.

(I was genuinely shocked when my first dc refused a bottle!)

@LadyOfTheCanyon Sorry I'm missing your point?

Am I not meant to respond to posters?

The wording would really annoy me too, they are saying that the reason they aren't inviting children is for the parent's benefit....when in actual fact it is them who don't want children there, which is fair enough, but why not just own their decision which is fine. Really annoying that they presume you would have a better time without your children, when there's zero chance you could be dancing and drinking with a hungry baby at home...so ridiculous. Heads up their own arses.

Childless couples have absolutely no idea, but that's not their fault. However, Brides and grooms often tend to think their wedding day super cedes everything else. I would politely decline and leave them to it.

I don’t understand why you are so bothered.
If they are your friends, they are probably people you like, who you shouldn’t be searching their - perhaps clumsy - wording for bad intentions.

I went to a wedding last year where a toddler called out a few times. I was shocked one of the parents didn't immediately remove them tbh!

This is how most child free weddings come about, isn’t it? We all have a number of friends who’d behave sensibly and considerately, then there’s one dozy/rude one that can’t be relied upon to do so. And they’re usually the one that would take offence if you tried to have a quiet word.

Childless couples have absolutely no idea,

That’s a sweeping generalisation that uses some quite insensitive terminology.

The phrasing is fucking toe curling! So no, Yanbu. But you're not going anyway and it's no great shakes, so just have a laugh here about how dickish it is and then forget about it.

You sound unhinged op. You have just had a baby so get let off, this madness will pass.

I do think you're being a bit over-sensitive.

Every couple/individual I know - without exception, and I know loads - with young children keeps telling me "I would LOVE a night off/away" and trying to organise said nights off. They may well have just been taking what these people say at their word and parroting in what they thought was a light-hearted way.

@SlappingJoffrey exactly the intention 😊

@ThatssomebadhatHarry 😂

If anyone ever wants to see an example of over thinking, this is the thread I will direct them too.

It was a light-hearted way of saying no kids. Presumably due to sleep deprivation you are not seeing the lighter side of life if you find this irritating.

I'm pretty sure babes in arms are not included in the no kids bit.

This is one of those pieces of received wisdom that only seems to appear once you or your friends become parents. I certainly didn’t know this when I had my own wedding in my twenties and neither did my friends.

We invited all kids to our wedding and several friends replied ‘thanks but no thanks, we want a night off so we’re coming but the kids definitely aren’t!’

Also we have a couple of relatives with disabilities who we wanted to include- and for that to happen we had to be ok with noise! So we decided to embrace noise in the whole family and we’re happy to have toddlers playing at the back of the church etc etc...

Several people still took their toddlers outside and missed the ceremony themselves as a consequence.

You can’t win 🤷‍♀️

The phrasing annoys me to, Something. I too have no problems if you chose to have a child free wedding, but it most certainly isnt for my benifit. Sorting childcare for a wedding usually involves a 300 mile round trip to drop the kids off, and the same to collect them.

Child free weddings, no problem.

Pretending the bride and groom are doing me a favour is just annoying. I'd still be paying for babysitting just like I would I any other occasion I wanted to be child free.

Irritating, patronising wording.

Maybe a bit over irked because small children and bf is hard work? However you've owned that and you are responding very amiably to posters (even the daft ones). You've also admitted you can't really think of better wording and 'the happy couple' have probably not invested too much time in thinking how this invite might come across - other parents/many MNers would be bryond-irked by an honest "We don't really like children and have seen many weddings ruined by them so please don't bring yours (unless in utero)"!!!

OP isn't questioning the decision of a childfree wedding, it's the condescending wording on the invite that is annoying. She is asking others' thoughts on the invitation and having a vent on an anonymous forum.

Calling her unhinged and blaming her reaction on lack of sleep and just having a baby is very patronising (almost as patronising as B&G and their twatty invitation)

The Narnia analogy is a good one. But really this is why weddings need the input of the parents of the bride and groom. I wanted a child free wedding. My Mum quite sensibly said no children would mean some people close to us wouldn't be able to attend and so there were close family children but some of our friends couldn't come because they couldn't get childcare.

This is all complicated by people having friends from all over the country (due to Uni and moving for work etc) and so a wedding invite is expensive and childcare isn't just for the few hours of the wedding. The OP says the wedding is 5h away. That requires 3 days childcare (drive to location day before, day of the wedding then drive back the next day. Utterly exhausting and very difficult to find someone who will babysit for that length of time). Completely different to an invite to a wedding where you live.

I’m genuinely surprised at the level of vitriol some of you have applied by way of response to this innocuous and polite request.

I agree with Saracen

YANBU.The phrasing is cringeworthy and patronising.

The couple would ALMOST deserve to have someone respond brightly, "Thanks for your concern but no, we don't need a night off so we will be bringing our 2yo triplets to the wedding."

Or replying "Thanks for the offer of a night off - here is the bill for the overnight childcare"

Rafferty I know you wouldn’t actually do what you suggest...but why does it occur to you to even think of such a confrontational and rude response?

You were expecting it to be a child free wedding, it is a child free wedding, and now you're pissed off because you won't be able to go because your DC needs bf. Did you expect it to be a child free wedding with an exception made or something?