AIBU to take exception to being offered 'a night off' at a wedding?

[SomethingStupidSomethingGreat]

DH and I have been awaiting a formal invite (after the 'save the date' had been sent) for a wedding in 3 months time. We were expecting it to be a child free wedding, which is fine... and to be honest, who 'really' wants to take young children to a wedding?
However, the invite arrived and states
'We love your kids but thought you would like a night off, so adults only please'
... we won't be going as dc2 is bf and an avid bottle refuser so I can't leave her. I don't mind, they are not close family and I have massive wedding fatigue after so many last year... but something has really irked me about the phrasing of the invite. I almost (I won't because I'm only a dick in my head and in anonymous forums) feel like saying...
'Thank you for thinking for us, yes we'd love a night off but unfortunately our dc will starve if she doesn't have almost constant access to my breasts.' (The wedding is 5 hours away).
Full disclosure, I do realise that none of this is the couples fault.
I'm not sure what phrasing would have been better and not irked me? I guess it just grated a bit that actually some people don't have the choice of a night off from their kids no matter how much you love them 😬

Why are you awaiting the invite if you know you're not going because it's child free? Cringey invite wording though.

Why do people keep saying it’s just a polite way to communicate ‘no children’? It’s not ‘polite’ if it sounds insincere and annoying to its intended audience.

I would check with them then if babes in arms are permitted.

Your child won’t starve. Eventually it would get hungry enough that it would take a bottle.

I don’t know about anyone else, but that’s good enough for me! I’m totally fine about leaving my baby for a day and a night with no food/water source knowing that eventually they’ll be so hungry they’ll start taking a bottle. I can imagine the hours before that would be so relaxing for both my child and whoever babysits. And I’d be totally letting my hair down in the loo of a wedding venue pumping and dumping and hoping that I didn’t leak all down my new dress.

Yabu". Its just an invite saying no children. Accept or decline.

Someone is only offering you a night off if they offer to babysit your children.

Absolutely have a child free wedding if you like but dressing it up as a favour to parents is obnoxious and patronising.

I really dislike that wording too OP! I was invited to two wedding that my under 6 month, bottle refusing baby wasn't invited to. I declined one as it was abroad (we double checked and they said the baby couldn't come, we haven't actually seen them since, didn't fall out but made no effort and neither have they). The other one we went and my baby didn't eat for 24 hours, she's still really stubborn now.

If you wanted to go, I'd say to ask if there's an exception for babies, but as you are not bothered I'd RSVP and tell them (kindly) why you are declining.

It's s bit twee but so is a lot of wedding invite phrasing, it could've been worse 'don't bring your children we don't like them and don't want their grubby, sticky, noisiness ruining our celebration, you think it's cute, no one else does, much love bride and groom'. There will always be events where children are not welcome you're BF and DD won't take a bottle, I'd imagine this limits you in other ways too, but that's your choice and I say this as someone BF a 4 month old.

The wording is patronising, but then again we invited kids to our wedding. I hate it when people try to enforce 'time off' from my kids, I work full time and actually like spending time with them. I don't like being patronised.

Not sure what sort of person would leave a breastfed baby to take a bottle through pure desperation. That's awful.

I agree with you, Op.

I was going to have a child free wedding.

I would have just put the adults names on the invitations.

I'm guessing that some would still have thought that that included their kids even though they weren't named?

You don't have to go into great detail, just decline the invitation by saying that you are unable to attend and hope that they enjoy their day.

We love your kids but thought you would like a night off, so adults only please

I wonder how they'd react if a guest said "Oh, that's OK, I'm fine without a night off so I'll bring my kids. After all, you want people you love at your wedding, don't you?"

Totally with you, OP. The wording is crappy. Have a child free wedding if you wish, but don’t pretend it’s because you have my best interests at heart.

The wording’s a bit naff, but you’ve already decided you’re not going, so not sure why it irks you so to be honest.

I hate this wording, it’s so patronising. We had an invite with this wording and the wedding was 6 hours away from where 99% of the guests lived so really would have meant 3 days away from DD.

The best wording I’ve seen is “due to the size of the venue we can only accommodate children of close family” I thought that was good because no one gets pissed off if they see one or two kids there and it’s not acting like they’re doing you a favour.

I think the wording is really rude because my child is not a burden, I don’t need or want a night off so you’re not doing me a favour. As we have no family close who are fit and well enough to look after DD I’d have to leave her with a stranger, which she would hate, so it would actually be quite stressful not to mention expensive for me and if I want “a night off” I’ll choose when and where.

The people who put this crap on invites are always the ones who are massively offended that you’ve turned down their invitation too.

FWIW we had kids at our wedding because despite not having children ourselves we knew it was a massive ball ache for the parents if we didn’t invite them and we wanted our friends to be able to come to our wedding. The ones who wanted to leave their kids with a babysitter did, but they had the choice.

Oof. Why post this at all? Mumsnet really needs an "I'M RIGHT, I'M RIGHT, I'M RIGHT!!!!" topic.

I’ve had the same on an invitation and it didn’t bother me.
However I love kids at weddings and they were invited to mine but that’s a different issue.
Have just received an invitation for an evening reception only and a gift list. Again, not offended.

It’s a polite and cheerful way of saying, “Don’t bring your kids.”
That’s all.

You are in the baby mist. We’ve all been there. You have taken this a little more negatively than you ought to because it impacts on you.
But really...they’re not going for patronising...they just want to tell you to leave the kids at home nicely. If you can’t attend because you’re breastfeeding, you politely decline.

You're too sensitive.

Of course they do not LOVE your kids, otherwise they would have invited them!

The wording is pure deception so thats why it grates.

A small footnote at the bottom would have been better stating it is adults only would better. Having ideally already informed each family individually about their decision in advance (if it is a big wedding a thoughtfully written email would suffice)

I love your responce @Cherrysherbet

I also like the Narnia analogy and think it should be applied to breastfeeding as well. Posters who advise the OP to pump or give the baby formula have clearly never fed a bottle refusing breastfed baby.

“I’m glad you love my kids and you are right, I would like a night off! When shall I pencil you in to babysit?”

Are you generally a very irritable person? They are clearly trying ro phrase it nicely. The response you wish to give about your baby not having access to your breasts is one of the most cringeworthy dickish statements I've had the misfortune to read.

That said op, your bottle refusing baby is of zero interest to them.

It is their wedding and I understand why they may not want babies or children there. We went to a wedding last year and couldn't even hear the service because so many babies were screaming (inc the B&G's own) It was that particular wedding that made me realise that having a child free wedding is not such a bad idea. The atmosphere in the church was positively febrile as parents tried desperately to keep their children and babies quiet for the vicar.

You are NOT being unreasonable!

They love my kids, bet they've never fucking met them! Horrible horrible invitation. Like they're doing you some huge favour! Oh fuck off!

Answer with the PP suggestion.

Thanks for the invite. We love our kids too, that’s why we will be spending your wedding day with them, not with you