AIBU to take exception to being offered 'a night off' at a wedding?

[SomethingStupidSomethingGreat]

DH and I have been awaiting a formal invite (after the 'save the date' had been sent) for a wedding in 3 months time. We were expecting it to be a child free wedding, which is fine... and to be honest, who 'really' wants to take young children to a wedding?
However, the invite arrived and states
'We love your kids but thought you would like a night off, so adults only please'
... we won't be going as dc2 is bf and an avid bottle refuser so I can't leave her. I don't mind, they are not close family and I have massive wedding fatigue after so many last year... but something has really irked me about the phrasing of the invite. I almost (I won't because I'm only a dick in my head and in anonymous forums) feel like saying...
'Thank you for thinking for us, yes we'd love a night off but unfortunately our dc will starve if she doesn't have almost constant access to my breasts.' (The wedding is 5 hours away).
Full disclosure, I do realise that none of this is the couples fault.
I'm not sure what phrasing would have been better and not irked me? I guess it just grated a bit that actually some people don't have the choice of a night off from their kids no matter how much you love them 😬

I think your taking issue with something you dont need to

FFS pictish I have explained that my comment about childcare bill was to illustrate the insincerity of the invitation.

I was not suggesting that the OP use that as an RSVP.

That phrasing is like saying "we're having a mid-week wedding so you can have some time off work".

Yes!

Ihatehashtags, she's already explained that the baby is a bottle refuser.

That could be said of all MNetting, Pictish

OP has an ebf baby, lives 5 hours away from the venue, and presumably no free childcare. Understandable she’s pissed off with the wording.

Jesus Christ. The people who must see everything as offensive are far more irritating than the one person who put some words in a bloody card. Ffs are your lives really that empty?

As for a baby being a bottle refuser, the best way to deal with one of those is to leave it with someone who cannot bf. Honestly, the baby wouldn’t starve, and it’ll be three months older by then anyway, but if you don’t want to go, then don’t. But don’t take every bloody opportunity to be offended. It says far more about you than it does about them.

Bollocks Ihatehashtags: minimum time OP would be away from DC would be 24 hours, unless she wants a ten hour round trip. presume you don’t you have experience of expressing breastmilk for that length of time, or caring for an ebf whose mother is away.

The wording the couple chose would not bother some parents and would annoy others, eg OP. Why are those who would not be bothered insulting those of us who would be?

I had this problem last year. One of my close friends got married and didn't invite my kids. My youngest was 4 months and also refused bottles. In an ideal world I would of loved to have had a night off from parenting and enjoyed some wine & dancing but thats not realistic. I spent huge amounts of time in a toilet cubicle trying (and failing) to empty my boobs with a breast pump, and on the phone to my mum who was pacing the house trying to get my baby to stop crying. I couldn't enjoy myself because I knew my baby was upset and hungry. I truly think that once my friend has her own family and goes through that stage she'll see it all differently.

This is why I dread wedding invites ”can you drive 400m with a dh who hates travelling, put the cat in the cattery for two days, risk going hungry because we forgot to tell the caterers your allergic to cows milk to spend the day with people who make no effort to speak to you in between this and the last wedding/funeral/christening”.

Whatever happened to marrying in the local church and having a buffet nearby, B&G waved off early evening?.

The wording the couple chose would not bother some parents and would annoy others, eg OP.

Because I think to be offended in these circumstances you have to really** want it, you have to be practically seeking out ways to feel hard done by. In which case you clearly don't like the happy couple much anyway, so why should they care that they won't be graced by your joyful presence?

Because it’s just wording. It’s an invite. And even the OP admits that she would love a night off but when someone suggests that they’re being offensive.

Seriously, it’s little wonder that this generation is so precious about everything if even a wedding invite causes offence. Go, don’t go. But it’s about the couple, not about you.

I had a child free wedding due to cost. Almost everyone was delighted at the idea of a night off. Except one couple who were friends of ILs who sent a really quite rude reply saying “we won’t be coming as you have omitted to invite our twelve year old daughter .” No “regards,” no nothing. And I thought at the time what a rude cow she was, but I certainly didn’t take offence. She wasn’t coming, meh. But she never spoke to ILs again after that and that was twenty years ago.

I've no issue with childfree weddings, but all the ones I've been too have been quite straightforward (unfortunately no children). It would irk me too that they are wording it like a favour to me. My XH was king of this - "take me to the train station for 6am, you'll have time to go to Macdonald's before work, won't that be nice for you?". Or "why don't we go here so you can (do whatever)" and then when we get there he'd do what he needed while I was expected to trail after him. Just own it and say what you mean.

Rubbish. OP has explained why it pissed her off. Being irritated by the wording doesn’t imply she does not like the couple.

You're hormonal and are being unreasonable. It's their wedding day, THEIR day which doesn't revolve even remotely around your kid or your breasts.

More insults: “precious”, “professionally offended”. Is this to seek to shut down and dismiss others’ opinions?

@Alsohuman different words are used to convey different extremes of emotion.

I’ve had this wording in an invite and wasn’t offended, I’d love a night away from my kids!! But it would have involved finding overnight childcare which isn’t easy to arrange and I wouldn’t waste the opportunity on going to a wedding of someone we’re not close to. So I declined, sent a card and thought no more of it.

I think the wording is a bit rubbish, I don’t see the need to dress the justification for not wanting kids at your wedding as being a gift for your guests. The couple should just own the decision and say “it’s a child free wedding” and be done with it.

@Ihatehashtags baby doesn't take a bottle. It's 100% about the baby. We would go if we didn't have such a young baby but I'm not fussed about going anyway so dc is a bit of a bonus regardless.

I had a child free wedding due to cost. Almost everyone was delighted at the idea of a night off.

But they could have a night off any time. Including for a wedding to which kids were invited - plenty of people would attend without anyway. So unless you were providing paid babysitting services on-site, which I'm guessing you weren't because most of us don't have that kind of money, you really weren't offering your guests anything extra by making it child-free.

You absolutely have the right to have your own wedding be child-free if that's what you want, for whatever reason you want. Dressing it up as doing your guests a favour, though, is going to get people's backs up. And if that's what you did, while I'm sure your guests weren't so rude as to tell you anything like that to your face, the strength of feeling on this thread should give you an indication that many of them were indeed rolling their eyes when they read it.

@NoCauseRebel your response says a lot more about you tbh. I take it you've not had a bottle refusing baby. But let's keep this thread breezy as intended x

Seriously, it’s little wonder that this generation is so precious abouteverythingif even a wedding invite causes offence. Go, don’t go. But it’s about the couple, not about you.

My take is rather different NoCauseRebel. I think the attitude of "it's all about the couple" and a refusal to consider how words /actions affect other people reflects an increasingly selfish attitude.

@Supergrassyknoll I'm fine thank you. I do not expect their day to revolve around me or my breasts and have not stated or implied that.

Tbh though I think it’s more about people wanting to send out something more than a general “we would like to invite x and y to the wedding of....” and wanting to put something more in place there. I don’t even think that these people think that it’s about making you feel like they’re doing you a favour rather than finding some quirky wording. Iyswim.

No I didn’t personally have a bottle refuser, but I know plenty who did, and who had to leave the baby with someone else in preparation for times when they personally had to leave the baby, e.g. to go back to work etc. And while I probably wouldn’t have done it for a wedding, it’s just a wedding after all, I wouldn’t have taken so much time to be offended at something which is just words on a card.

Oh God, they're just trying to tell you that your kids aren't invited in a polite manner. Nothing wrong with that. YABU