AIBU to take exception to being offered 'a night off' at a wedding?

[SomethingStupidSomethingGreat]

DH and I have been awaiting a formal invite (after the 'save the date' had been sent) for a wedding in 3 months time. We were expecting it to be a child free wedding, which is fine... and to be honest, who 'really' wants to take young children to a wedding?
However, the invite arrived and states
'We love your kids but thought you would like a night off, so adults only please'
... we won't be going as dc2 is bf and an avid bottle refuser so I can't leave her. I don't mind, they are not close family and I have massive wedding fatigue after so many last year... but something has really irked me about the phrasing of the invite. I almost (I won't because I'm only a dick in my head and in anonymous forums) feel like saying...
'Thank you for thinking for us, yes we'd love a night off but unfortunately our dc will starve if she doesn't have almost constant access to my breasts.' (The wedding is 5 hours away).
Full disclosure, I do realise that none of this is the couples fault.
I'm not sure what phrasing would have been better and not irked me? I guess it just grated a bit that actually some people don't have the choice of a night off from their kids no matter how much you love them 😬

I knew it was going to be a childfree wedding but I’m pissed off because the invitation says so. Bloody hell!

@YouBumder I wasn't accusing them of some hideous crime... it was the wording I was raising my eyebrows at... which you recognise too.

The wording is a bit irritating/thoughtless but it's clearly an attempt to be polite.

What they actually mean is "we think kids are fucking irritating and we don't want their screaming interrupting our special day so please find someone to deal with the little bastards for the day".

@Alsohuman not pissed off c

@PCohle 😂

thing is, the couple have four children, so i know it wont be childfree.

Yes I got that. And sorry, I have focused on you in particular...just because your posts are more recent...many others have similarly responded with disproportionate ire over this most minor of unintentional infractions.

Suggest some people might be less ready to take offence over such things.
They wanted to be light hearted about no kids at the wedding. It’s fine.

The wording is annoying, disingenuous.

I think there might be a divide between people who have family who can do overnight care (and so a child free wedding is an excuse to ask for childcare) and people who need to pay for it. I fall into the latter category, although I'm lucky to have childcare for evening events from a younger relative who couldn't do overnight. Asking me to travel 5 hours to a child free event is asking me to spend well over £200 just on childcare. Plus being babysat by a paid person is not the same as spending time with grandparents - especially when my dc already do wraparound at school - so I might only do that once a year. Weekends are normally focused on young dc or elderly parents so spending my limited time off with my DH on someone else's timetable is a big no. Its the breezy assumption that all I need to get time off is an excuse which is mildly eye roll inducing.

I prefer your wording pcohle!

They were obviously trying to be tactful - the OP is over-analysing things.

The bride and groom are unlikely to find wording that please all their guests - some people might think a more straightforward 'no children, please' sounds too blunt.

If they were 'honest' and 'owned it' as some are suggesting they would probably offend everyone: 'we don't want your children at the wedding because we're not interested in them and they might be noisy and disruptive'.

The wording is annoying, disingenuous.

Saying they're being disingenuous for not being 100% honest about why they don't want kids at the wedding is a little disingenuous itself though, isn't it?

They don't want kids because it's expensive and, they think, annoying. Are you really saying that you would have preferred them to put that on the invite?

pictish They wanted to be light hearted about no kids at the wedding. It’s fine.

Nope, you think it's fine.
I think it's insincere and thoughtless.

The wording is irritating, condescending and false. Yanbu.

Seriously all those people who are saying it's disingenuous and insincere, do you actually think they should have told the blunt truth? And you wouldn't have found that wildly insulting? You can't handle the truth etc.

I would reply and say: we can’t make the wedding as we can’t get a sitter but as you say, we would love a night off and as you love our kids, when can you come and babysit?

All the invitation needed to state was that DC were not invited.

Yes. I wouldn’t suggest presenting them with a bill for childcare by way of response because I’m not seeking to make a big point over fuck all.
Even if it is insincere...so what? It’s not about you is it?

PCohle
It's really simple. The invitation names those who are invited.
If they want to give a reason and are happy to be disingenuous they could simply say that numbers are limited and they're unable to invite children.

Irked/pissed off - what’s the difference? Professionally offended perhaps?

Deciding whether to go or not IS about OP and her DH.

Fine to decline politely and privately judge the shit wording of the invitation.

Seriously all those people who are saying it's disingenuous and insincere, do you actually think they should have told the blunt truth? And you wouldn't have found that wildly insulting?

We don't actually know what 'the blunt truth' is here though. It could be "we despise children and their sticky noisy ways", it could be "limited budget and we'd rather stick to guests we know well", it could be "we're fine with your children generally but we want an adult-free event here because we've planned every element down to the millimetre and kids might mess it up."

Whatever it is: they don't actually need to give any reason, let alone one which is condescending bollocks.

The wording would have annoyed me to. I wouldn’t have liked them telling me that I needed a night off from my children, they have no way of knowing this.

I will admit that when I was a teenager/early twenties I felt a bit sorry for parents who ‘had’ to stay in at the weekends and miss nights out-it didn’t occur to me that this was a choice they had made. (I never voiced it though). Then when I had dd, I got it and was often happier staying in with the dc, I had everything I needed at home and was often too knackered to want to go out and have a big night out.
They should have owned their decision and just made it clear that children are not invited to their wedding. I don’t think anyone would be surprised to get an invitation that says ‘no children’ and although it causes babysitter issues, that isn’t the fault of the bride and groom, they are entitled to the wedding they want. But this wording is crap in this case and it would have annoyed me too.

If you’d sit and judge the shit out of that you might need to occupy yourself more. I wouldn’t have the inclination to bother about it.

Wording is a bit cringey. But unless your baby is very young you could go and someone else could feed it expressed breast milk in a bottle. Or formula. But you don’t want to go. Which is fine. Don’t make it about the baby though. You’d go if you wanted to.