To think you don't call or refer to your parents-in-law as Mum and Dad

[PocaMiseria]

One of my brothers calls his wife's parents Mum and Dad. We come from a close family and our parents are still together ..... I find this weird and disrespectful to our parents.
DB's wife calls our parents Joe and Freda.... I call my DH's parents Bob and Maggie (and he calls my DPs Joe and Freda) and our sister also uses given names rather than "Mum and Dad" for her in-laws.
AIBU ? I would hate for my kids to be calling another woman "Mum"!
(The idea for this question came from the thread about step parents being called Mum and Dad....)

In theory I call my MIL ‘mum’. In practice I think I’ve done it about twice.
I do because she likes it and I’m fine with it because I still call my own mum ‘mummy’ .

My Mum always called my Dads parents ‘Mum’ and ‘Dad’ , it’s a generational thing I think, perfectly normal.

I called my PIL by their given names as they requested. I would never have called them Mum and Dad....because they are not my mum and dad.

My DH called my dad by his given name too. Recently my mum asked my DH whether it was ok to send him a birthday card for 'son' rather than 'son-in-law' and he said that was ok. She does write "love mum" on it. However, again, he would never call her mum as he said "you only have one mum". His mum has died but she's still the only mum he'll have.

It is generational.

I'm in my 60s and my parents did this. So did my older siblings.

I had to call my parents' friends aunty and uncle, but my children never had to do this.

This was a bone of contention with my MIL. She'd always called her PILs Mum and Dad and, when reminiscing (her parents and PILs are all dead now), it's often very difficult to know who she's talking about.

She expected me to call her Mum but I refused as I didn't want that kind of relationship with her, and insisted on calling her by her first name. My SIL had previously avoided calling her anything, but she started to follow suit. My MIL is used to this now, but I remember a PA comment from her to my DH early on that her MIL would have been so upset if she'd called her by her first name. Needless to say, it didn't have the desired effect of persuading me to call her Mum. (When the DDs are around, she gets called Grandma.)

I don't think your DB is being disrespectful to your parents. Your brother obviously has a close relationship with his PIL, which is great for him.

My DB called his PIL Mum and Dad and SIL called my parents Mum and Dad. I thought that was weird.

My BIL calls my mum 'Mother-in-law'.

I find it disrespectful too, I couldn't do it and both my parents have died years ago.
Unfortunately, it's not up to you or your parents what he calls his ils.

Ex MiL insisted that I address her and ex FiL as Mr and Mrs XHSurname until we were married, after which I was allowed to use their given names. However, she still made me call her mother (XH's DGM) Mrs Surname . She'd have died on the spot if I'd called her mum .
Current MiL I use her name but have once or twice called her mum by mistake. DH calls my parents by their names.

An older colleague had her MIL living with her (some years ago now) and said they'd never discussed how to address her, so for years she got by with 'erm' as in 'erm, would you like a cup of tea?' etc. - the erm got the MIL's attention and neatly avoided what form of address to use!

Another colleague (in her 50's) uses mum/dad for her in-laws. None of those involved are from a lower (or even working) class background..

My mother called her PIL Mr and Mrs X. I tried to avoid directly calling FIL anything. First name seemed disrespectful but I wasn't comfortable with Dad. I am over 60 though so things have changed.

I call my PIL by their first names (although I try to avoid directly addressing them by name)

I call my husband's Grandparents Grandma & Grandad though, they're so lovely and I've adopted them. I've told DH if he divorces me then I'm keeping them as part of the settlement 😂

I’m Sikh and my MIL expects me to call her mum.

My mum died when I was little and I’ve never called anyone Mum. Definitely not going to start calling someone Mum who is not my mum and I’ve never said it before.
Actually breaks my heart that people can be so thoughtless/expecting sometimes

My sister's boyfriend started calling my parents 'mum and dad' after they'd been together about six months! He also refers to my sister as his 'wife' (they aren't married). Extremely irritating.

My mum was close to my dads parents and called them mum & dad. Although I love my in laws I couldn't imagine calling them that. I don't think in this instance it's disrespectful to my own parents though.

I think it was like how I had to call my Mum's friends and female neighbours 'Aunty' and their first name. Even thought they were not my Aunts!

Oh, my late Father did this, anyone more than about 8 years older was always Aunt, Uncle. I grew up with lots of Aunts and Uncles who were actual family but they were in reality cousins, half cousins etc., he'd been the youngest and had nieces and nethews when he was a baby so it skewed the dynamics. When I was about 18 I drew up a family tree to work it all out, very illluminating!

"Krimpy

I couldn't do it. Maybe acceptable if you're from Alabama where your parents are also your in-laws."

You're thinking of Arkansas.

I was told I must call them Mum and Dad. I said I couldn’t because they aren’t my parents. Was told that I cannot use their first names as they would be severely offended. Apparently I could call then Mr Inlaw and Mrs Inlaw.

So I never directly address them.

I can't recall either of my parents using any form of address to the ILs. Maybe my dm called the ILs by name.

I too have an arse of a FIL who wants to be 'Dad'. Signs things to me as 'Dad'. He hates me. I have a dad who actually likes me so there's no sodding vacancy.

Always called DP’s parents Mum & Dad and he always called my Mum.. Mum. Seemed quite normal but maybe because of the times, we’re in our 60s..

My mum and dad called their respective in laws mum and dad. We are almost posh so its not a class thing. Generational definitely

Oh, and birthday cards from PIL are signed off as DH’s mum and dad.

When I met my dh parents they expected me to call them mummy and daddy as it’s respectful in their culture. I refused. I’m supposed to call them ‘sir and mrs (last name). I settled for ‘the old git’ and ‘her’ (long backstory. Not a fan). Dh really struggled with calling my dm by her first name and wanted to call her mummy. She said absolutely not. We’ve been married 12 years and he’s never called her by her first name. Fortunately for him he hasn’t called her mummy either

I have never heard anyone family or not call my mum and dad by their names (Am African). Its always Aunt, Uncle or grandparents. They call each other mother and father. My dh call them mother and father. I called my MIL mother, she is deceased.

I would never do this. My parents called their in laws by their given names and DP and I use first names for each others parents. His DM calls her FiL "Dad". I find it bizarre. I would find it tremendously disrespectful to my own parents to call anyone else mum and dad. Especially as my preferred names for my parents are mummy and daddy. I'm not using those terms for ILs and would be weird for me to purposely use mum and dad instead.

Not weird. DH calls my parents mum and dad, I do the same with his.

Whilst my ethnicity is African and that is the norm, I also have some white British friends who do the same.

Calling your PILS by their name is unacceptable and considered disrespectful. We don't call any elders by their first names.

My own parents have no issue with this, it's our culture. They've been present when I've said mum or dad to my PILS. My DM calls all her SILS son as well... in a term of endearment kind of way.