To think you don't call or refer to your parents-in-law as Mum and Dad

[PocaMiseria]

One of my brothers calls his wife's parents Mum and Dad. We come from a close family and our parents are still together ..... I find this weird and disrespectful to our parents.
DB's wife calls our parents Joe and Freda.... I call my DH's parents Bob and Maggie (and he calls my DPs Joe and Freda) and our sister also uses given names rather than "Mum and Dad" for her in-laws.
AIBU ? I would hate for my kids to be calling another woman "Mum"!
(The idea for this question came from the thread about step parents being called Mum and Dad....)

My parents called their in laws mum and dad, I don't, it's generational (though I do call h's grandparents g £ g as I don't have any of mine alive

My BIL made his son call his partner "mum" at 6, when his real mum was still part of his life. She was a feckless parent and her role was limited, but she was still there and his mum.
I remember BIL telling the child off at a family do for saying the woman's name instead. It made me feel so uncomfortable, and so sorry for him.
This woman is now his step-mum, and has played a huge role in his life for years. But I feel very strongly that it should be up to the child to decide if they want to call step parents mum or dad, not the parents.

I think it’s usually done by lower class people

Upper class people actually. But then the upper and lower classes often have the same generic style, its the pseudo middle classes who are pretentious.

I used to hear my own parents do it but I don’t

To be fair if my in laws were alright I would , my biological one doesn’t make the grade

Never really considered it an issue to be honest, suppose it depends on your family dynamics and maybe cultural expectations in some instances.

I call my MIL Mum but if I’m talking about her to her friends or about her to my Mum I’ll use her name. FIL and his wife are always by their names, mainly because my DH doesn’t tend to call his dad “Dad” as he worked with him since he was 16 for a good 10+ years and got used to using his first name (I expect no one would respect a fellow colleague calling the boss “Dad” really..) and it kind of works with his stepmum so they’re always like “Dave and Sue” - occasionally I might say “What did your dad call about?” but more often than not I use his first name.

My folks are always Mum and Dad for everyone lol even my parents refer to each other that way so Dad will say “Oh Mum is on night shifts this week so call on Sunday” and it’s a rare occurance my DH might call my Dad by his first name say in the pub or something but more often than not he’s just “Dad”. Similarly if I get off the phone to my Mum my DH might say “What did Mum say about this weekend?” etc. I think it just stems from what we’re used to. If I called my parents by their first names I expect my husband would do the same and vice versa. No one really seems to care either way and certainly no one is taking offence on either side.

I'm 67 and called my in-laws by name but a lot of my friends, when they first married, called their in-laws mum and dad. I'm surprised anyone does these days.
Used to call friends of parents either Mrs or Auntie. Never by their first names. That'd be considered so rude!

wrong thread, sorry!!

I'm of Indian descent and DH is white British. Before i told my parents about him (before marriage) I called PIL by their first names. After my parents found out about us and families met etc my mum was shocked to find out I called them by their first names and Dad worried about it appearing hugely disrespectful if I did it in front of my extended Indian family. It was easier for me to switch to calling them mum and dad all the time rather than on and off. I asked PIL if that was ok first and they had no issue with it and said it was common in Bristish culture generations back and felt it was just a sign of respect (& me & then boyfriend were relieved my family were so welcoming of him and his family!). Mum said my DH didn't "have" to call them mum and dad back but he couldn't call them by their first names and auntie and uncle (common for older people in Indian culture again) would be too informal for PIL so he would just have not call them anything! He settled into mum and dad after a few weeks

I think it’s usually done by lower class people

No, its not.

I think it may be an age thing. I would never have called my MIL or FIL by their first names, they were from a generation who used Mr and Mrs Smith ( not their real name) rather than their first names even with their own acquaintances, they would be in their 90’s now. Always called them MIL/FIL to other people or husbands name’s mum or dad. Tried to avoid calling them anything to their face to avoid upset as wouldn’t call them mum or dad. My DH always called my parents their first names, younger than his parents ( in their late 80’s). My sons’ partners call us by our first names ( in our late 50’s).
I did find it a little odd when my boys were younger and their friends called us by our first names, when I was young you would call people Aunty or Uncle or Mrs or Mr Smith it would have been unacceptable to call adults by their first name then.

I don't know anyone who does this. It's the kind of thing I'd expect to hear in a David Lean film about an east end family in the 1940s. Quaint in a way, but definitely not for me.

I refer to my husbands aunts and uncles as Auntie This and Uncle That as I genuinely think the world of them and would be delighted if they were my actual Aunts and Uncles but although his parents have been dead since he was young I don't think I would have ever referred to them as anything other than their names. My dh calls my parents Muminlaw and Dadinlaw, it doesn't sound that weird when he says it but as he has probably a better relationship with them than I do it feels more than okay.

On one hand your brother is lucky to have two mums and dads from his pov. If they're happy with it why shouldn't it all be so harmonious?!

My MIL insisted that I called her mum but I refused.
It was very awkward and she wanted to know what was so special about me as everyone else called her mum.
She was lovely in every other way and this was are only bone of contentatiln.

YANBU. My arse of a FIL had a massive strop because I wouldn’t call him dad

I wouldn’t want my daughter to call someone else mum - but she’s 9. I wouldn’t have a problem with it when she was an adult. I call my MIL mother sometimes.

As an adult if I was there parents I'd be fine about it as long as they called us Mum and Dad too. Likewise as an in law I'd not mind it if it was gradual though it may take getting used to.
I'm not close to DHs parents so I wouldn't do this but theoretically if you've been together years this wouldn't bother me.

On a similar not my close friend at 14/15 called my Mum, Mum. At first I found it odd but it just showed the love and closeness she felt for my family.
It's what the people involved feel comfortable with that matters.

I call my MIL mum and my FIL dad when he was alive. None of the other wives do.

But then, I didn't have a mum and barely had a relationship with my dad.

I can't imagine my (almost) DIL ever calling me mum!

My MIL asked me to call her Mum. I really didn't want to, because I didn't think of her that way, but I was honoured that she wanted me to. I thought it would be hurtful to refuse, so I called her Mum.

I never did really get used to it. But, I always think that the rule of thumb is to call people whatever they want to be called, whether that is Martha or Mrs Jones or Mum. I only would have refused if I had absolutely hated her.

2 of my daughters in law call me Mum. They have problematic relationships with their own mothers.

I called my late FIL ‘Dad’ because I loved him dearly. I love my own dad too and he was never concerned.

I also have an unrelated 16 year old living here for now, she calls me Mum as well.

I think it was done more in the past, in my experience growing up.

But I can't imagine calling my PILs mum and dad. I refer to them to dh as 'your mum/dad' but call them by their names myself.

My mil told me clearly early on to not call her by anything other than her name.

If I had been really close to my ILs then I might have done but only if they treated me like one of their own children

The very very old couple next door refer to each other as Mother and Father, which I fund odder!

Old Devon thing. See the folk song "Outstepped mother and me". It's a man singing about his wife, who he refers to as "mother". I guess it's more of a title, rather than a description of a relationship!

LOL at the nasty classist remarks! So typical of some.

I think it may be generational.

Many years back, I heard women who were about 50 calling their MIL 'mom' and their FIL 'dad.'

Don't hear anyone doing it now. I would never call DH's mother 'mom' ... It's weird (to me!)

But if others want to do it, that's cool.