To think this might be the most passive aggressive well done ever?

[Forthepurposesofthetape]

My dh has done a big charity run today and has been lucky enough to receive lots of generous sponsorship from family and friends. After he'd finished, I took his photo and we put a thank you post on FB as that's where we've got most of our sponsorship from and it was an easy way of saying thank you to everyone.

We've got back this afternoon and I haven't stopped! I ran dh a bath, put his muddy stuff to wash and have been looking after dc so that he can chill. Am just putting the tea on when I get the message from my mother:

"Well done to Dh. I was waiting to hear how he got on, seems it was put on Facebook some time ago. Apologies for the delay but I was waiting for a text or call"

Aibu to find this very passive aggressive?!! I haven't replied or shown dh, I don't want to spoil his moment and make it all about her

Yes you are BU.

Yes, very PA!

Would ignore the text.

Ignore. Very passive aggressive and the kind of shit I get from my mother. Learnt ages ago you can’t win so just ignore

Well that's a big, fat damper! Maybe she should've sent it earlier when he'd have been happy to have an icy breeze to cool him off after the run.

I'd either totally ignore it or just reply "thank you!"
Don't give her a reaction.

Yup, that's ridiculous. Definitely don't show it to him, at least not while he's still enjoying his high from the run.

Aw she’s just a bit hurt you didn’t let her know how he got on
Just text a quick sorry we didn’t let you know directly but it’s been all mud and baths here! Thanks for the wishes I’ll let him know.

Yep I get stuff of a similar nature.

Not sure if it’s deliberately pa or just the tone of some mothers!

Ignore the text but tell dh “dm text to say well done” otherwise if you’re like me you’ll get told off for not telling dh she’s texted!

Just say "No bother " back, if you can't beat her, join her

Well it depends on whether or not your mum has a facebook account really ....

If she doesn't, or if she is one of those mums (like me) who doesn't spend loads of time online, or doesn't have facebook notifications activated on her phone, how was she supposed to see your post? And she's your mum. Couldn't you have called her?

Unless there's a massive back story here and she has form for being a passive-aggressive nightmare, I think YABU, sorry

I second replying with 'thank you! Really proud, will pass on your congrats to DH'

Do not rise to the bait.

I’d text her back to say ‘apology accepted, i’ll tell him you said well done’

Oh wow. That's so rude! You've done the right thing not telling DH. She could have just messaged and asked nicely how he got on!

It's a generational thing

She doesn't get how easy fb is to post a generic thank you

She's obviously been thinking of you so I'd say thank you

There’s nothing pa about it. You are overthinking.
I hope your kids don’t do this to you when you are older

Say what HarrysOwl suggested!

Unless she contributed the vast majority of the sponsorship money and/or you had given her some reason to expect an individual phonecall or message, YANBU.

God, she sounds like my MIL! Making things all about her when they aren’t!

Does she have FB? If not, how does she know it was put on there earlier?

Yes she's on FB she goes on it a lot! She has done something similar before - I posted pictures of dc at the park once and she sent a similar message moaning about not seeing the pictures first! So I don't post pictures of them anymore on FB, not that I did it that much.

YANBU. It’s much better (and more satisfying) to rise above it and refuse to see her subtext.
You’re supposed to apologise so don’t. Send that cheery thank you and ignore the rest.

Am not sure in this one.

My mum doesn't do FB. If it was something I knew she wanted to know about a quick txt (when posting to fb, which you did have time to do) just saying dh did it, alls good, off home for a bath will speak tomorrow sort of txt would have only taken a few seconds.

So I can see why she is upset or annoyed if she's been waiting for news.

Yes it is a passive aggressive message but you could have dropped her a quick text to say 'Hey, DH did really well, his time was X, really pleased! Home now to clean up and chill!' That's what i would have done.

Just tell DH your mum says well done, and send her a text saying "yeah, he did great!! "

Just seen she is on FB! Ok, that changes it a bit!

Wouldn’t bother me. Just reply, “thanks for your good wishes. Will pass them on.”