To think this might be the most passive aggressive well done ever?

[Forthepurposesofthetape]

My dh has done a big charity run today and has been lucky enough to receive lots of generous sponsorship from family and friends. After he'd finished, I took his photo and we put a thank you post on FB as that's where we've got most of our sponsorship from and it was an easy way of saying thank you to everyone.

We've got back this afternoon and I haven't stopped! I ran dh a bath, put his muddy stuff to wash and have been looking after dc so that he can chill. Am just putting the tea on when I get the message from my mother:

"Well done to Dh. I was waiting to hear how he got on, seems it was put on Facebook some time ago. Apologies for the delay but I was waiting for a text or call"

Aibu to find this very passive aggressive?!! I haven't replied or shown dh, I don't want to spoil his moment and make it all about her

I did the Swimathon a few weeks ago - it was a big thing for me....(it’s going to be in the paper..!!)

When I got out of the pool I phoned my husband to say I had done it, phoned my mum to say I had done it and posted on Facebook.

Didn’t phone my MIL. Didn’t expect anyone else to phone anyone else.

Massive achievement for me but not the birth of a child.

Interesting that you have time to post to Mumsnet but not text mother.

is this the mother speaking @user?

Sounds like she's often annoyed about something. Must be exhausting to be around

it wasnt even the op's run, that would be different.
was she very much involved ?

I’m with you OP. Very PA and exactly the sort of thing my mother does. I used to rise to it before realising that’s exactly what she wanted. Now I always answer with something breezy and try to ignore.

Shoxfordian - yes she made my wedding and my graduation all about her when she sulked about ridiculous things. I won't go into it as this thread shouldn't be my personal therapy session. She's a kind and generous Mum but very moody and sulky at times. She hasn't been particularly interested in the run at all up to now, never asked how he was getting on with training.

We’re staying at my parents presently. The stress of walking on eggshells around my mother causes my eczema to flare. The pained sighs, the laden comments. The sad realisation is I don’t like her, my own mum.

She sounds very difficult op
I wouldn't have replied to a text like that tbh, sometimes the best reply is silence

If she was so invested in the run surely she would have texted shortly after she thought he’d be finishing to either say well done or ask how he was getting on?
Don’t rise to it, a quick thanks will do as a reply.

Shes controlling with her moods and sulks.
A normal response to the FB post would be "just saw DH on FB-well done to him, he must be exhausted etc "

Setting your own stall and not responding to the sulks,moods and PA comments is the way forward.
For those who havent experienced this type of behaviour,my DM told me to have an abortion ( much wanted pregnancy) as she didnt want to be a GM as she was too young.
I was seriously ill (ICU)after the birth and she didnt even call to ask DH how I was or come to visit ( too busy with golf)
Once recovered I sent my amazing supportive friend who went above and beyond to help , flowers and a card.

DM got wind of it and erupted in fury that I hadnt sent her any

Yep its all about her !

Interesting that you have time to post to Mumsnet but not text mother.

She didn't thought did she? She was busy earlier and not posting on MN. She posted once she had some spare time. Also there is absolutely no need to text her mum, whether or not she had the time. Her mum had no reason to be sitting around waiting for a text just because her DH has done a sponsored run!

God OP I know that feeling. You've done something wrong you just can't work out what so you watch every word you say.

My mum can be lovely but when she isn't she is such hard work and indulges in massive sulks. I find these sulks incredibly stressful and so I have cut down contact.

It's a shame for her as she gets older but I genuinely can't cope with the emotional tension. To an outsider it may look like I'm being precious but having spent my life waiting for 'that sigh' and then ' the look' I just don't want it any more.

There's a lot to be said for replying to passive aggressive people like they actually mean what they say.

"Oh don't worry mum. I think DH was a little hurt you hadn't congratulated him earlier but I'll explain you hadn't thought to check Facebook - no need to fret xx"

Windows
I came to the realisation that actually I will never please her so I stopped trying .
The relief is immense

I'm trying to convince myself I don't care but I'm not quite there yet. A bit like the OP she knows her DM is unreasonable but still needs to check on MN.

It's a work in progress.

Head over to the Stately Homes thread for some reading recommendations.

Windows I relate so much to what you've said. I have a nice time when it's just me and her but if I invite her to a family meal or event, I can't relax because I know she'll find something to sulk about or something will offend her. She tends to leave gatherings early and I can feel myself relax after she's gone.

Sockworkshop that is unbelievable. I'm staggered.

Bollox you should have called/texted her. You were busy, doing something entirely unrelated to her.
Ignore.

Thanks, will pass on the congrats. Don't tell DH yet.

Go on reply. 'We did text a few, were you not on that list? but thanks for the delayed thanks'

For the thing is she made out I was being utterly unreasonable
After a while you start to question yourself, which I did for years until I read something on here and BAM!
Stately homes really helped me

It's a generational thing

True, is your mother on Facebook? I often don't even look at my phone for a couple of days, I'm from the generation that isn't surgically attached to their phones, I have a life in real-time!

LadyRannaldinini up yourself much . The OP said her mum is on fb ...