To think this might be the most passive aggressive well done ever?

[Forthepurposesofthetape]

My dh has done a big charity run today and has been lucky enough to receive lots of generous sponsorship from family and friends. After he'd finished, I took his photo and we put a thank you post on FB as that's where we've got most of our sponsorship from and it was an easy way of saying thank you to everyone.

We've got back this afternoon and I haven't stopped! I ran dh a bath, put his muddy stuff to wash and have been looking after dc so that he can chill. Am just putting the tea on when I get the message from my mother:

"Well done to Dh. I was waiting to hear how he got on, seems it was put on Facebook some time ago. Apologies for the delay but I was waiting for a text or call"

Aibu to find this very passive aggressive?!! I haven't replied or shown dh, I don't want to spoil his moment and make it all about her

FFS, it was a charity race, not the birth of her first grandchild!

YANBU, OP. Posting an update on FB is perfectly all right if everyone who would like to know is on there.

Oh and also: if she was THAT interested in the outcome of the race, she could have texted or called you to ask how your husband had done.

Yes, that's extremely passive-aggressive. Does she have form for it?

Yes I'm afraid she does. It has caused me lots of stress in the past.

Oh this reminds me so much of my mother. Events circling completely around her! I just wouldn't rise to it! Breezy, 'thank you!' and a snap of DH and you after the race if you fancy it. Repeated 'de-escalations' of this nature have worked well for us...

your Mother tried to make it ALL about Her.. yes she was being very passive aggressive.. ignore her, and well done to your DH

Oh I hate shit like this. It's so 'let's see if I can piss on their chips' as far as I'm concerned. I'd got with a simple thanks or more than likely ignore it. Well done to your DH.

Maybe I just have a different relationship with my mum but I think hearing about something to do with your loved ones via FB instead of personally could maybe be a little hurtful

Where does this stop, though? It's not as if a run is equivalent to a birthday or a promotion at work. Should OP text to report on her DH getting up in the morning, catching his train, getting in from work, receiving his salary, finishing his book/computer game ...

Pretend you don't realise that she's being PA - don't give her the satisfaction. It will drive her nuts!

Apparently your phone is capable of RECEIVING calls and texts... perhaps your dm forgot this?

I’d go with Butchy’s response too! Good for you!

I'd be tempted to text back "oh that's all right, don't feel too bad, I'm sure he understands" bit I suppose it does no good to carry it on

Seriously though, your mum? Not his mum? Why does she even care? It's hardly the birth of her first grandchild...

Very passive aggressive and uncalled for. A relative of dh's 'apologised' for not calling us when dd2 had sepsis, but went on to say that they didnt find out until weeks later so they didn't have the chance, did they? I felt like i'd been told off for not informing them. It was hard enough keeping up with updating the grandparents and I dont really share on social media (not stuff like that anyway). I do think it is generational. Id ignore.

My mil was with us.

Ah. Did your DM expect to be invited to come along for the family day out as well?

It's the sort of thing my MIL would do, even if I was the one the event was about. Total FOMO.

It's a generational thing

No, it really isn't.

I don't think she particularly wanted to come, she didn't come when I invited her to my run a couple of years ago. I don't think it's that.

How precious of your Mum.

I hate the whole talking through other people.

I refuse point blank to pass on messages now as I'm not the family's PA.

To be fair I feel like I've spent most of my life wondering what Mum is stropping about now.

FFS, it was a charity race, not the birth of her first grandchild!

This! Why on earth was she sat at home waiting in anticipation of an official announcement!

If he'd climbed Everest maybe but a charity race?

Why on earth would you ring people to tell them how he got on? Unless he won the thing outright maybe!

Yes IGNORE her attention seeking 🙄 I hate it when people do this! Either ignore the message altogether or reply with the thank you - I think I like the thank you idea better. I think it will annoy her more 😏

Was your MIL in any of the pictures? I imagine your DM is jealous as a result, even if she didn't want to go initially. My mother was like this. I used to carefully make a negative remark following every 2 or 3 positive remarks about anyone who was sort of parallel to her (I.e. older women in the family structure); this seemed to offset the passive aggressive bullshit early. It was wearing, though.

My mum can be like this. I just ignore the message!

Haven't RTFT but I would have called both sets of parents ASAP after the run.

Was it some form of 'Running Man' race? as in injury or worse was likely to befall him? Am not getting her upset at not being called after the run or pp who agree with her need to be informed asap!

bit stroppy of her yes