To expect people to teach their children not to stare?

[hennaoj]

I'm fed up of adults letting their children stare at my Autstic 5 year old. When I was a child I was taught not to stare at disabled chidlren/people. He is tall for his age (wears age 7 clothing) and rather conspicuous in his special needs buggy or when he is stood around being him. He hates being stared at and it actually makes him more violent.

I've also had children insist on coming up close to him after being told not to by me and getting upset when he kicks out.

Marchitectmummy you don't ( or don't want to understand) the level of disability I am talking about. I am talking about an older non verbal child with the understanding of a one year old and with autism on top of that.
He has a right to be in society. He is part of society. If you are unable to accept that then keep yourself out of public places.
If I let him roam around a playpark unsupervised and he hit someone's 3 year old, that would be me acting in an irresponsible way and my fault.
If you let a child too young to recognise distressed behaviour and too young to comply with being told to go away, roam around a public space unsupervised, pestering obviously severely disabled people. then it is your fault.
I think I am more likely to know what professionals who work with children like mine think, than you do.

@Marchitectmummy are you aware that Autism is a spectrum? Some autistic children can learn acceptable behaviour some might never learn that due to the severity of their autism, you really are coming across as very ignorant .

My son, who has both physical and learning disabilities will often ask me - In his usual loud voice - why someone is staring. If they are not embarrassed by that then they usually are when they hear my reply telling him to ignore them as they are being rude....

@QueenOfTheTofuTree that is quite an unintelligent response, the OP of which you are not, asked options based on their 5 year old. My opinion is not the same as yours and frankly resorting to swearing just weakens your opinion. It also doesn't change my thoughts whether you like them or not

@x2boys perhaps but the discussion is about children starring at other children. My starting point was that children look at other children, as a way of making friends. To stop a child starring at another is separating autistic children unnecessarily from other children. That is not necessary. Nor is it necessary for all other parents and children to be responsible for the behaviour of another child. Regardless of the attitude on here my children will continue to be permitted to look at other children. It's harmless as long as parents don't permit their children to come to my child and 'thump' them.

But can you not see that if a severely autistic child is getting distressed by other children wanting to play with them it's probably best to not let your child approach them?, children with comp!ex disabilities can and do lash out when they are distressed and or frightened why would you add to their distress the world, does not revolve you and your child .

Saying a disabled person cannot be part of society is ignorant and disablist.

Unintelligent response? Bit rich coming from you.

There is a huge difference between staring and getting in someone's face.

No one on this thread has said their child would thump another child simply because they stared at them.

kids stare at all sorts of things. Its not something you can always teach them not to do easily. Im sure youre aware that just because a child is neurotypical, doesnt mean theyre just super easy to teach social niceties to. Kids are kids

YANBU

I can’t stand children that stare and the parents don’t tell them off. Not even at disabled people but just generally, in a restaurant or similar. I would tell my two not to do it, even the ASD one.

I teach my children not to stare. If I can subtly mention to older dd to stop it I will, sometimes i would be worried she will then argue about it. So often I will wait until we are away and have a conversation about people being different and that may be interesting to you it is rude and may make the other person uncomfortable so dont stare.

@x2boys yes of course I can, same as any child shouldn't be bothered by children if they are upset by it, same with any human or animal. Same rules for all. I don't want an adult I don't know touching my children, I don't want my children being bothered by dogs not on leads. That is respect not to approach anyone who doesn't want to be. Looking is not the same.

@Sockwomble re-read when you have more time x

The disablist comment has now been deleted so no need to re read.

@march

Come on! Children don't just stare to make friends. They do it when they see something/someone different and continually staring at someone is rude. If your child is doing it you need to correct them. If you don't do this you're not doing your job as a parent. Of course your child might have questions about a disabled person and want to look but you gently remind them that it's unkind to stare. This is not controversial at all.

@marchitectmummy

I think you realise you're wrong and are just refusing to back down. Staring at someone is rude. Yes young kids will do it anyway but you correct them when you notice it, just as you would with any other childish behaviour that isn't socially appropriate.

Kids need to learn social skills and that includes not staring at people who look different.

I think the Op is making 2 different points and everyone seems to be choosing a response based on one of them.

1. whether you can stop a child staring at all is based on the age and ability of the child. My ASD child will sometimes stare, your child hates staring, both have an absolute right to be in a place and it's up to us as parents to negotiate the difference as best as we can. You have a view based on your child's needs, as others have expressed, that view isn't universal, and people aren't mind readers as to what your child needs unless that is communicated to them in some way. A big badge attached to the wheelchair saying staring upsets me might save you from some issues, at the same time I'd defend your rights to not have to label your child in anyway, so it's down to what you want to do.
2. it is never right for someone else to intrude on your child's personal space without their, or if non verbal, your, express permission, and their parents deserve everything they get if they don't enforce that rule with their child regardless of age or ability.