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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think always being late isn’t a quirky personality trait

420 replies

CorianderDestroysFamilies · 13/04/2019 11:39

I’m meeting my friend today and I already know she’ll be late. Normally she’ll message me at the time we’re supposed to be meeting saying she’s just about to leave so I’ll be stood waiting for 15 minutes, one time she messaged saying she would be an hour late Angry I was already at the meeting point with my DC so it was a waste of all our time.
Anyway I’ve just seen another funny Hmm meme about how someone will still be in the bath at the time they should be going out and how hilarious it all is. I just think things like this normalise lateness and justify people like it’s some sort of quirky, unavoidable character flaw when it’s actually really rude and makes people like me less likely to want to see you. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Theredjellybean · 13/04/2019 11:42

Definitely not aibu.. I hate lateness thinks it just rude, not funny or sweet quirk... Plain lazy and rude. If I can make an appointment or arranged meeting point at the right time so can everyone else.
I once said to dp "running late is not a form of cardio fitness"

IWouldPreferNotTo · 13/04/2019 11:44

Lateness is a sign you value yourself over everyone else and can't be bothered to organise yourself properly.

cookiemonster3 · 13/04/2019 11:46

Lateness is rude.

If you want to meet her again tell her half an hour before you want to meet here then be 10 mins after that. Or even be late yourself and wait till she texts and then get ready to leave.

Sindragosan · 13/04/2019 11:47

Rude. Says that their time is more important than yours, and consequently they are more important than you. I don't want to meet up with people who think they are doing me a favour gracing me with their presence.

Anyone with a small baby I can excuse though, it can take longer than you think to get anywhere.

RedForShort · 13/04/2019 11:47

Personality trait: yes

Quirky: no

Original poster
CorianderDestroysFamilies · 13/04/2019 11:47

Thank you! I get unavoidable lateness or the odd time but not every single time we meet. I’ve scaled back our friendship due to it because it does say to me that my time is less important and I’m normally stuck wrangling my DC who get bored waiting.

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 13/04/2019 11:48

I agree. Put at its harshest, it says that - deep down - they think their time is more important than yours. I had a friend like this and I used to get really cross about it; apart from anything else, she had a high level professional job and I knew for a fact that she couldn’t have behaved like that at work when a client was involved. So it wasn’t a “personality trait”; she couldn’t be bothered to show the same courtesy to her friends.

(Disclaimer: I am guilty of 5/10 minute lateness on occasion when life/traffic etc gets in the way. Nobody is perfect and any reasonable person accepts another’s apology for this sort of thing. But consistent, 30 minute plus, lateness? Different matter!)

whodafeck · 13/04/2019 11:49

I know someone who struggles with planning and organising due to ASD.

Original poster
CorianderDestroysFamilies · 13/04/2019 11:49

@sindragosan I agree with anyone with a small baby - I remember poonamis just as we were walking out of the door!

OP posts:
SoHotADragonRetired · 13/04/2019 11:49

Yes, it's rude and disorganised not adorable flakiness. If you really value her staet telling her a meetup time 20 minutes before you actually intend to be there; if you can live without her start leaving if she isn't there after 10 minutes, and tell her so.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 13/04/2019 11:49

Lateness drives me batshit, I hate it. It's rude and lazy, and both are a choice.

KittyWindbag · 13/04/2019 11:49

I have a friend who does this without fail every single time. I’ll be just arriving at the meeting point and I’ll get a message saying ‘I’m leaving in 10’.

It grates on me hugely. I now try to leave later and take all her suggested meeting times with a heavy pinch of salt. But it bothers me endlessly, why should I and my son have to adjust because she can’t get her shit together?

Original poster
CorianderDestroysFamilies · 13/04/2019 11:49

Ironically this thread is going to make me late Smile

OP posts:
IWantMyHatBack · 13/04/2019 11:52

Good! Have a coffee and sit on mumsnet for 15 mins before you do leave. She might have to wait for you for once.

JustDanceAddict · 13/04/2019 11:52

Any additional needs aside, yes it’s rude. I am always on time and if I’m going to be late due to traffic etc I will let the person know but usually build in a bit of time if it’s important I’m on time.
I wonder if these people are constantly late for work too as if you can get in to work for 9am every day there shouldn’t be problems being on time for social occasions - 5/10 mins not an issue, an hour is unacceptable.?

Meandwinealone · 13/04/2019 11:54

Just be late yourself.

Daffopill · 13/04/2019 11:57

It’s very rude.

The occasional 5/10 mins late is fine. But I cannot be arsed with people who are consistently late - you stand around like a fucking lemon waiting for them whilst they have a leisurely start to the day.

DareDevil223 · 13/04/2019 12:00

I hate lateness with a passion. It's selfish, rude and arrogant.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 13/04/2019 12:13

I had a friend (ex friend now but for other reasons) who was 40 mins late for Christmas dinner at my house and I don't mean 40 minutes after the time I told her (about half an hour before it was due to be served) I mean 40 minutes after the food was ready! She wasn't even apologetic or even bothered.

It was a sign that she didn't value me or my time like I did her/hers, it wasn't the reason were not friends now but it did begin to shift how I viewed the dynamics of our relationship.

AfterSchoolWorry · 13/04/2019 12:15

I don't deal with late people. ✋

If you have issues which cause lateness then don't make plans! It's unfair to the other person.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 13/04/2019 12:16

I think being late without good reason is rude and inconsiderate but the world is divided between those who think it's fine to make you wait, and those who like to be on time.

There was a long thread on MN about this a few months ago and it came down to "I'll make the effort to be on time for work and planes but my friends are not important enough/if they like me they will humour me".

Boopeedoop · 13/04/2019 12:18

I have ADD. Honestly I hate this about myself. It's causes me massive anxiety and lots of shame.
I can't figure out where the time goes when I'm getting ready. One minute I'm almost ready and on time, the next minute it's "crap, I should have left ten minutes ago".

vampirethriller · 13/04/2019 12:21

Rude and disrespectful

starzig · 13/04/2019 12:21

Next time you meet her, be 2hr late.

happinessischocolate · 13/04/2019 12:23

I has a friend who would do this, so after her being late a few times I started mentioning it when the arrangement was made, so if we agreed to meet at 2pm I'd then joke "I'll expect you at 3ish then" i then aimed to get there at 3. It did work, at first she made loads of excuses about how she doesn't care if other people are late and people shouldn't care if she was, but she didn't like being there first and having to wait at all.

We later fell out over something else which was part of the same personality trait of not giving a shit about anyone but herself.