Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my child's house key away when

153 replies

avenueq · 12/04/2019 22:14

... yes, when?
When they go to uni? When they set up in their own home?
Never?
I still have a key to my mother's house, but because I live in another country and only go for extended visits it's not like I ever go unannounced - does that make a difference?

OP posts:
Inferiorbeing · 13/04/2019 08:34

My OH got his taken off him a week after moving out, but jokes on his DM as now everytime he goes over he rings the doorbell and hammers on the door until she answers Grin, we both still have one to my parents house

FudgeBrownie2019 · 13/04/2019 08:35

I have keys to both parents houses, despite neither house being my childhood home. I can't imagine them ever asking for them back. My parents both have sets of keys for our, house, too.

I doubt I'd ever ask the DC for their keys back; this is their home.

Leah012 · 13/04/2019 08:38

I still have a key for my parents house even though I haven’t lived there for 10 years. DH still has a key for his parents too & both sets of parents have a key for our house.

PippilottaLongstocking · 13/04/2019 08:39

We moved into the house my mum still lives in after my brother had left home, but he still has a key despite never living there!

cookiemonster3 · 13/04/2019 08:40

Both hubby and I still have a key to our relevant parents house. Perfect for keeping an eye on them when they go on holiday, emergencies or borrowing stuff when they are out.

Been very handy when we had several power cuts at tea time over the course of a couple weeks and no way to feed the kids and they were all still at work.

Leah012 · 13/04/2019 08:41

I’d find it strange if we were asked for the keys back! We both use the keys to let ourselves in to our parents house to collect stuff etc but parents never just let themselves in unless they’ve been asked to look after pets while we’re away!

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 13/04/2019 08:43

I'm 26, married and two children and I still have one.

Bringbackthestripes · 13/04/2019 08:43

46 still have a key to mums house -she has moved several times and always gives us a new one-and she has one to ours.

Spidey66 · 13/04/2019 08:45

My parents moved around the time I left home and the only time I then got given a key was a few months before my mum, by now a widow, died. That was because by this time she was very ill with cancer and found it difficult to get to the door. She usually knew i was coming though and id ring the bell as i was coming though so she knew I was at the door. I don't know if things would have been different if she'd been still in the house i grew up in though.

Evenstar · 13/04/2019 08:47

We take ours away when they move out, there is a key safe with a code they all know, so no question of anyone being locked out or unwelcome. I would rather not have keys to the house all over the country as at least one DC has a habit of losing keys etc

Aph413 · 13/04/2019 08:50

My siblings and I all still have ours no matter how far away we live. However my parents only have the keys to my house which has always been useful for me. I live on the same road of them and have lost count of the number of times I've popped round only for my husband to lock me out.
Whenever they've changed the locks they've always made sure we got a new key too.
We all just wander in and out.

TheNoodlesIncident · 13/04/2019 12:13

I haven't had a key to my mum's house for decades. I'd moved out, moved back in for a while during my new house's renovation then back out to the new house. I think I gave the keys back then. My mum had spare keys for my house and dropped by in her lunch hour quite often as her work was near.

We've all since moved houses and mum and her partner have probably given my brother and SIL keys, as they live quite near them. Dsis has keys to my house, I have keys to hers but we live close to each other but not mum or brother. We have them in case someone gets locked out, or if either of us need to sit in the other's house to await collections/deliveries or repairmen/builders.

I can understand the hurt of the PPs whose parents have asked them for their keys back. It totally diminishes their role in the relationship to that akin to a stranger. I have a spare set which will become ds's when he's in secondary and I will not be taking them back from him.

C8H10N4O2 · 13/04/2019 13:28

DC all grown and with their own places, one lives abroad - all still have house keys. Where I live will always be a home for them as and when they need it.

We also had keys to both sets of DGPs even though those were not the houses we grew up in.

LL83 · 13/04/2019 13:30

I have my key for parents house. They might ask for it back if there was a practical reason such as one of them lost their own key but I dont expect them to ask otherwise (moved out 13 years ago)

MillicentMartha · 13/04/2019 13:35

I was divorced from my exH a few years back. He rented for 6 months and our DSs (9, 11 and 13 at the time) all had keys to his rented house. Then he bought a new house together with his OW. The boys have never been allowed keys to that house. They are not allowed to be in the house unaccompanied. They’re now 17, 19 and 21. Way to go to maintain a relationship with them. Sad

isittheholidaysyet · 13/04/2019 13:36

I have a key to my parents (always have, I'm in my 40's)

I live some distance away, so it's rarely used. Sometimes if we go for a planned visit, they might be out at our arrival time, but we know this isn't a problem as I can let myself in. I presume as they get more elderly, my key will be useful for their safety.

About 10 years ago my Dsis managed to break their lock whilst they were on holiday and had to replace the lock. Immediately new keys were cut and distributed to us all. So it's not even my childhood key.

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 13/04/2019 13:38

Both my AC have a key to my house. I have a key to DD's house - but would only ever let myself in when I'm there doing childcare and they're not at home, otherwise I always knock and wait for them to let me in.
I haven't been offered a key to DS & DIL's house, but that's their choice, and as they live a long way away (so childcare is impossible) it's not a problem.

MitziK · 13/04/2019 14:08

Mine didn't get replacement keys when the lock was changed. The reason for that was that I'd come in a few times late at night and things had been moved around and once, a can of fizzy orange had been taken out of the fridge, shaken up and violently stabbed with a kitchen knife so that the kitchen was covered in sticky liquid. This is completely the sort of thing that the ex would do and, because they both think he's wonderful mainly because I didn't tell them exactly how nasty he was towards me and they'd believe him anyway, I had the feeling that he 'borrowed' it and got another one cut on the quiet when the youngest was round there.

Much as it saddened me to lie, I told them it was changed because there had been an attempted break in and the replacement was a security type that meant there were only ever two provided and can't be copied.

Richmond1972 · 13/04/2019 14:26

my parents took my key back when i was 16 when i left home. i have never felt welcome in "their" house. i have to ring before i go and its all very appointment-y. they also changed my room into a guest bedroom WEEKS after I left and demanded i take all my things. it was instantly referred to as "the single guest bedroom". my DBs was "the double guest bedroom".

on the other side my DH still has his key (we are in our 40s). he pops round and leaves his mum flowers every now and then or feeds the cat or does house jobs. its still very much his other home. his childhood things were boxed up around 3 years after he left but are in the wardrobe. the room is a guest bedroom now but still referred to as "DHs room".

i wont be taking my childrens back.

Richmond1972 · 13/04/2019 14:28

also, to add, DHs parents have keys to ours and my parents dont. DHs parents pop round whenever they like and feed our dog when we go away etc or pop in to drop things off. mine make appointments.

SingerNamedElephant · 13/04/2019 14:28

I'm 27 and my mum gave me a key to her house when she moved.

I use it a couple of times a week, and have been told I can go over whenever I want to

WhenDoISleep · 13/04/2019 14:32

I still have my key to my parent's house, having moved out 20 years ago. They gave me (and my sister) new keys when they replaced the front door about 5 years ago.

My DC aren't at the age to have their own keys, but when they do they will always have one.

nokidshere · 13/04/2019 14:36

I hope my two will always have a key and that they would never feel the need to knock on the door if they were visiting.

sprot · 13/04/2019 14:42

I have keys to both my mum and dads place (never lived in either) don’t know why I have my dads key he never locks the bloody door anyway,if he’s in or out‼️‼️

MatchSetPoint · 13/04/2019 14:54

I have a key to my parents house, my husband also has a key for my parents house, my brother and his wife both do too.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.