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AIBU?

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Original poster

To take my child's house key away when

153 replies

avenueq · 12/04/2019 22:14

... yes, when?
When they go to uni? When they set up in their own home?
Never?
I still have a key to my mother's house, but because I live in another country and only go for extended visits it's not like I ever go unannounced - does that make a difference?

OP posts:
Shortandsweet96 · 12/04/2019 23:45

I moved out with OH a year ago. Mum has since changed the locks.. but technically I still have a key.

She certainly has a key to our house though. All parents get a key for emergencies.

BummyKnocker · 12/04/2019 23:50

I still have a key, though parents deceased, house sold on twice, new doors and locks....I still have that key.

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 12/04/2019 23:58

I think I left mine at home when I went to uni. There was no formal handing of it back, just gradually stopped using it over the time I was at uni and at some point never used it again and I presume left it at their house.

I wouldn’t let myself into my parents’ house.

recklessgran · 13/04/2019 00:04

Mine all have keys. I wouldn't dream of asking for them back. It's a comfort to know they can come here any time if they want/need to whether we're here/on holiday or whatever. It simply wouldn't occur to me to ask for them back.

SecretLimonadeDrinker · 13/04/2019 00:08

Dsis and I are both in our 30s and were given new keys to our parents house when they changed the locks a couple of years ago.

I also have a key to pils as I check on the house/feed the fish/leave them bread and milk when they go away.

sardinesontoast · 13/04/2019 00:14

I have a key to my DM & DPiL house. They have one for our house. Purely for emergencies. I / they always knock or ring before entering / text in advance. I'm about to give DS a key as he'll need it when he heads to secondary school and he needs to get used to the responsibility - I can't ever imagine ever asking for it back

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/04/2019 00:22

The time to ask for it back is when they misuse it or show signs they aren't trustworthy, surely? It's quite handy to have various trustworthy people with keys for those emergencies you didn't know would happen.

hoteltango · 13/04/2019 00:27

My adult offspring still have keys to our house. DS went off to uni, came back, moved out locally, still has a key. DD went off to uni, lived in various places far away, eventually came back to live locally, still has a key. Must remember to check that son-in-law has a key.

Some post still comes here for offspring. Plus it's a handy stop-off point for school/playground for DGC. Plus it's a bigger place for DGC's play dates organised by DD - dining room these days is solely for building train tracks! Plus it's got a tumble dryer.

Sometimes it's a bit like Piccadilly Circus, but they've got keys, so I can just carry on as usual.

UnRavellingFast · 13/04/2019 00:34

My late ddad said to me ‘as long as I live, my home is yours.’ My dm speaks of her house as ‘ours’ meaning her and her middle aged, living far away offspring! My home will always be my kids’ whatever age they are. That’s family, isn’t it. We are dysfunctional in many ways but that’s what I love about my family - we are always family whatever. I know many don’t have that experience but as long as I live my kids will know my home is theirs.

AcrossthePond55 · 13/04/2019 00:37

I had a key to my parent's home until the day we had to move Mum to a care home (Dad had died 14 years earlier).

My adult DC have a key to my home, but I don't have a key to theirs. Never asked for one, never needed one.

Callaird · 13/04/2019 00:38

I’m 50 and have key for my parents house. I also have a key for my brothers. I let myself in when they are not home and use/eat/drink their things. I also play with and feed their dogs.

I live 70 miles from them. They don’t have a key for my place as I only have 2 keys, neighbour has a spare and I have the other, parents never visit (elderly and in poor health) brother visits very occasionally, maybe once or twice a year, I visit once or twice a month, I usually stay at my brothers, babysit in the evening and get my niece up in the morning so they can have a lie in.

scratchyfluffface · 13/04/2019 00:38

I'm 40 and haven't given it back - they replaced the front door a few years back and they gave me a new one so obviously don't mind!!

Yabbers · 13/04/2019 00:42

I have a key to my parents house. I walk in unannounced and wouldn't always tell them I'm going there if they are out.

I walk into my sisters house. Any friend or relative of mine can come into my house (we don't have locked doors when we are in). They take me as they find me.

I'm not sure why you wouldn't want your adult children to feel welcome to return.

snop · 13/04/2019 00:45

Nearly 40 and still have my key to my parents house and also my in laws house. I would be gutted if they asked for it back, I never go unannounced though, my in-laws live in the city centre so it's always handy to drop the kids off and stay at there's on nights out as we live a good 40 mins away. Always stay over Xmas as there is a lot going on in town for us and kids.

Chloemol · 13/04/2019 01:17

I still hav my key and pop n and out all the time, as I do to my sisters house

youknowmedontyou · 13/04/2019 01:23

Never

Wigeon · 13/04/2019 01:38

I am really surprised so many adult DC have keys to their parents’ house! Unless you live really close and do things like water the plants while they are on holiday, or are officially the spare key holder person, why would you need a key to someone else’s house?

My parents split up when I was 18; mum moved house, from the house I grew up in, while I was at university I think, and I never had a key to the new house, and still don’t. I live an hour away. I would never go to her house unless it was to visit her so don’t need a key.

My dad lives 3 hours away in a different house and again I would never expect a key - we only go there to visit him when he’s in his house!

PregnantSea · 13/04/2019 01:46

I gave mine back when I emigrated. Seemed silly to keep it when I was moving to another continent. But I never used it before I gave it back. I only ever went around if I was invited or I asked first.

INeedToGetHealthy · 13/04/2019 01:58

My DM moved house in August to a place over 200 miles away. I still have the old front door key to the house I grew up in.

RainbowMum11 · 13/04/2019 01:59

Me & DSis have Key's to DMs house, but DM also has keys to our houses.

TheSerenDipitY · 13/04/2019 02:37

im 46 and i still have mums house key, nanas house key and my auntys house key

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 13/04/2019 03:35

I'm 44, moved out when I was 19 and still have a key. I'm not going to pop in unannounced, I love 120 miles away, but we all have keys. Odd not to really.

I'd never take keys off my dses but I probably would ask them to give me a heads up they are coming once they have left home.

Toddlerteaplease · 13/04/2019 03:55

Still got one for my parents house. They have one for mine. It's very useful to have it. No waiting around.

Longdistance · 13/04/2019 04:53

I’m 43. I have a key to my mums house. I let myself in when I visit. Dh has one for his dads house, but not his mums as his mum lives 4 hours drive away so no point.

TheQueef · 13/04/2019 05:02

I have a spare set for Dads and a spare set for brothers flat even though I've never been in brothers flat in twenty years.
They have a spare set of mine.

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