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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how old you were?

586 replies

HarrysOwl · 12/04/2019 07:35

When you got married? (If you're married!)

I was reading a BBC article about a woman talking about the judgement and negativity she encountered when she announced her engagement aged 22.

I was 32 when I married DH. We were together for 3 years, got engaged then lived together for another 4 years before having our wedding. I wanted to be as sure as I could be and felt no rush.

Is there a general judgement with feminist overtones about getting married so young? Are they doomed to divorce?

OP posts:
KnifeAngel · 12/04/2019 08:33

Together 5 months when we got engaged I was 19. Married at 22. Been together 23 years now.

alittlesnow · 12/04/2019 08:34

We got married at 27, Married over a quarter century now.

I do think it's a class thing. Middle and upper-class people/university educated people, don't usually get engaged at 18-19, and have a baby by 19-20. It just doesn't happen - not usually. And they certainly wouldn't be married whilst still in their teens (or just out of them.)

As a pp said, many people will want to complete their degree, go travelling, establish their career, buy a house, be able to go off for a weekend away at the drop of a hat, and generally enjoy their youth/20s... Why get engaged at 17, and married/have a baby at 18-20? There is so much more you can do with your life...

I do think 22 is too young to be married. If my daughter had said she was getting married at 22, I would have supported her, and wished her happiness, but wouldn't have hesitated to tell her that she is too young.

bloodywhitecat · 12/04/2019 08:35

Married at 25, left him when I was 53.

Pascha · 12/04/2019 08:35

Got together at 20
Moved in/first mortgage at 24
Married at 28

MTBMummy · 12/04/2019 08:36

Met at 17, married at 22, divorced at 23.

Second time round, Met at 24, engaged at 32, hoping to be married at 42 Grin

80sMum · 12/04/2019 08:36

I was 20 when I married DH over 40 years ago. At the time, it wasn't at all unusual to be married at that age. Lots of my friends and family were married in their late teens and early 20s.

fermezlabouchee · 12/04/2019 08:36

just gone 24, we've been married seven years. We'd been together three years and known each other since we were 16.

I definitely got a lot of judgement for getting married quite young, however it made no difference to my life plans, we've just spent a longer time married, had our first child last year.

JaceLancs · 12/04/2019 08:38

25

SparklyShoesandTutus · 12/04/2019 08:38

Married at 28, met when I was 24

Pashola · 12/04/2019 08:38

I was 17 when we met and 21 when we got married, so have been together 18yrs and married for 15yrs this year if we last that long, but that's a story for another day

florentina1 · 12/04/2019 08:39

We met when I was 16 and he was 18. Married at 20 and 22 which was very common in the 60s. We have just celebrated our golden Wedding.

ThisIsNotARealAvo · 12/04/2019 08:40

32 when we got married, met DH when I was 29. We've been married for 8 years.

cookiemonster3 · 12/04/2019 08:42

First marriage at 19. Abusive and controlling. Cheated the whole was through. Found out after the oldest was born I was the other woman but had no idea. Mil knew and accommodated his cheating with me so it should have been no surprise she accommodated him heating ON me.

Second at 30. 4 years this year. Had more than our fair share of trials and tribulations with money issues, bereavements, family drama, depression and struggles to ttc but honestly couldn't be happier.

Duchessgummybuns · 12/04/2019 08:43

22, now happily divorced at 32 Grin

IckleWicklePumperNickle · 12/04/2019 08:43

23 when we got married. Celebrating our 13th anniversary this year.

Stopyourhavering64 · 12/04/2019 08:45

Met at Uni, aged 18
Engaged 21
Married 23
3 Dcs, when aged 29, 32,35
Married 32 yrs in September

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 12/04/2019 08:46

Met at 19, married at 23. Been married 14 years.

5BlueHydrangea · 12/04/2019 08:46

Nearly got married at 23 but he bailed a few weeks before so we cancelled everything and split up. Later found out he was already seeing someone else whilst I was happily organising the wedding! In hindsight however it would never have lasted long term so he did me a favour really.
I do think 23 Is pretty young though, in part of course due to my experience but I'm quite pleased dd1 didn't do that. Now she's a few years older and I would feel happy but she is quite happily single!

Actually got married at 36 after 6 years together and so far, so good it's been 10 years albeit with ups and down a long the way but mostly fine.

Original poster
HarrysOwl · 12/04/2019 08:46

The results of Bridebook.co.uk's study found that the average age of a single woman getting married is now 30.8 years old, up just over eight years from 1971, when the average was 22.6 years.

So in the 70s getting married in your early 20s was the norm, but now it's much more likely to be in your early 30s. That's quite an ideological shift. My feminism overtone thinking was linked to wondering if this change is be something to with the fact women are more empowered now, and have the opportunity to progress in their own lives (career, education etc) without the sociological pressure/expectation of marriage and kids.

OP posts:
thebabessavedme · 12/04/2019 08:47

I think it depends on the person, I was 20 first time, was totally immature, not ready and should never have done it, it could have ruined my life and that of my xh who is a good man.

2nd time 26, what a bloody mess!

3rd time a charm! I was 36 Grin 20 years and counting

When dd announced that she was getting married at 20 I knew it was a different kettle of fish, she is by far more mature and sensible than I have ever been, she is still married (to a wonderful guy) small child, running their own business and generally taking life by the balls.

Lalliella · 12/04/2019 08:49

My auntie met her DH when they were 15 and married at 19. Golden wedding coming up. They’re absolute soul mates. There’s no such thing as too young it’s nonsense. People should myob.

gubbsywubbsy · 12/04/2019 08:49

25.. been married 19 years ..

polarpig · 12/04/2019 08:50

It used to be the norm to get married much younger, buy a house and settle down - just like your parents. Times have changed.

Montsti · 12/04/2019 08:51

Married at 31...
Met at 28, engaged at 30, married at 31, 1st child at 33...4th child at 41...

SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn · 12/04/2019 08:51

Met at 27 and started living together after five months, married six months after that at 28. Our 28th wedding anniversary is this month.

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