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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how old you were?

586 replies

HarrysOwl · 12/04/2019 07:35

When you got married? (If you're married!)

I was reading a BBC article about a woman talking about the judgement and negativity she encountered when she announced her engagement aged 22.

I was 32 when I married DH. We were together for 3 years, got engaged then lived together for another 4 years before having our wedding. I wanted to be as sure as I could be and felt no rush.

Is there a general judgement with feminist overtones about getting married so young? Are they doomed to divorce?

OP posts:
Megan2018 · 12/04/2019 09:04

I got married at 36, met just before I was 35. We were engaged 4 months after we met and married a year later.

Everyone I know well that married young (teens or early 20’s) is divorced apart from 2 couples. I generally don’t have any thoughts on other people’s marriages though tbh. Some people meet the right person younger, some older. Sometimes you know straight away, others take years.

One of the young marriages though was a inevitable car crash and I think everyone around could see the writing on the wall, but it was their choice (they were together at 12, engaged at 16, married at 21 as parents wanted them to wait, separated by 23/4).

Sunandseaside · 12/04/2019 09:04

Met at 15, together at 19 and married at 25. First child at 26. I feel lucky we met young because I always wanted to be a younger mother and I knew that early on- I didn’t want to start married life well into my mid 30’s. We didn’t get any negatively but I guess 25 isn’t that young and we had been together a while/ travelled and got our house etc. so didn’t feel we were missing out on anything.

JaneEyre07 · 12/04/2019 09:04

Engaged aged 20; married aged 22 with a 6 month old baby.

Still together having celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary last year - now have 3 DCs, and 4 grandchildren.

SoyDora · 12/04/2019 09:04

27, which was fairly young for my social circle. We’ve been married 7 years now and have 3 children.

Skyejuly · 12/04/2019 09:05

I was 30 x

FairfaxAikman · 12/04/2019 09:05
  1. We've been together since I was 22.
DanielRicciardosSmile · 12/04/2019 09:06

27, we were 23 when we met.

Peabody25 · 12/04/2019 09:06
  1. Met at 23, engaged at 29, married at 30, had DS at 33. Been together nearly 15 years.
Chickoletta · 12/04/2019 09:06

Got together at 17, married at 23, babies at 30 and 33, now nearly 40 and considering baby no3.

We couldn’t be happier and I’m grateful every day for my happy marriage. I believe that only the couple know when it’s the right time for them.

DearTeddyRobinson · 12/04/2019 09:07
  1. I was the last of my 'gang' to get married, average was about 34 I'd say.
AprilBaby29 · 12/04/2019 09:08

Got together when I was 20, married at 28 last year, he is wonderful Grin

restingbitchfarce · 12/04/2019 09:09

DD is getting married later this year. They are both 19

MordredsOrrery · 12/04/2019 09:09

Met at 23, engaged at 27, married at 28, DC at 37 and 39.

Elphame · 12/04/2019 09:10

Married at 22 - about to celebrate 35th wedding anniversary this year

winbinin · 12/04/2019 09:10

Met when we were 24, married 15 months later. That was over 30 years ago and we are happily married still. but in hindsight I’d say we were too young. Sometimes it was just sheer stubbornness that kept us together. My D.C. are similar ages now and I would be horrified if any of them got married so quickly.

RiddleyW · 12/04/2019 09:11

I can't find UK numbers but US stats show that getting married between 28-32 give you the best statistical shot at not getting divorced.

I met DH at 19, we got married at 29 and had DS at 36. About to have our ten year wedding anniversary.

Sunandseaside · 12/04/2019 09:12

Marriage is tough I think having children is tougher

Having kids is way more difficult than being married! A far bigger commitment in my opinion. We never argued for 10 years, got married and nothing changed. Had a baby and all of a sudden we’re bickering constantly! Total shock to the system. It has got better after 9 months thankfully but it takes a lot of compromise and understanding from both of you.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 12/04/2019 09:12

It was my 21st birthday

It will be 29 years this year

icannotremember · 12/04/2019 09:12

I was 24. We'd been together 19 months. We had ds1 9 months later. We'd moved in together 6 weeks into our relationship!

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 12/04/2019 09:13

Oh sorry

17 when we met, we were engaged 6 weeks later

mindutopia · 12/04/2019 09:16

I was 30, just about to turn 31. I don’t think it’s a feminist thing (nothing about being married means you can’t have an independent life and achieve just as much as a single person). But it’s probably just pretty dumb. Most (but not all) people are unlikely to stay with a partner they met when they were in their late teens/early 20s. You change too much as you grow.

That said, my dh was 21 when we met (I’m 6 years older) and we’ve had a perfectly happy marriage. But I think it helped that I was older. My dh certainly grew and changed, but I was already pretty much who I am now, so he knew what he was getting which I think made it easier and why we’ve had such a good relationship.

Definitely glad I didn’t marry the wankers I dated at 21 though!

AngelsWithSilverWings · 12/04/2019 09:16

Met at 23 and married at 26. Most of our close friends had married a year or two earlier than us so it wasn't at all usual to get married that young.

We've been married for 23 years and are very happy.

ilovecherries · 12/04/2019 09:18

I was just turned 23. Have been married 38 years this summer.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 12/04/2019 09:22

I'm 52 and have never been married. I'm gonna push up the average age if I ever do. I think it unlikely, though Grin

MatchSetPoint · 12/04/2019 09:22

I was only 25 , still going strong two children later! I didn’t feel young at the time but looking back I was and should of waited untill I was 30 or so.