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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you think family should help younger generation to get on housing ladder?

226 replies

grimeandlime · 09/04/2019 22:29

A neighbour of mine has a daughter who is 26 and a lawyer in London. She is a lovely girl and hugely hard working, but her mum was telling me that she cannot even dream of affording a flat due to the huge deposit needed.

Her grandparents live in a 6 bedroom detached house worth about £1mil I reckon. According to neighbour they have investments worth at least £500k due to selling off family business and inheritances.

I know it's got nothing at all to do with me, but surely they could chuck each grandchild £100k as a deposit for a flat, and downsize to a bungalow/ retirement village/ nice flat.

Do you think families should try and help the younger generations to get on the housing ladder?

OP posts:
Teateaandmoretea · 10/04/2019 19:31

Kent, Essex and Croydon

CarmineStarman · 10/04/2019 19:43

Tea
Perfectly aware of London house prices, due to living in London and managing, as so many people do, on a wage less than that of a lawyer's. Had I wanted to buy a house when I was that young, I would have lived somewhere cheaper but it was my decision to live in the most expensive city of the country and I don't see why my family should be expected to fund my choice.

popsadaisy · 10/04/2019 19:43

I don't necessarily think they should have to downsize, moving is very stressful and they deserve to stay in their own home but if it was me I would help out my younger family having that much 'extra' money. My Grandad left me enough money in his will for a deposit for a house (I don't live in London so nothing too extreme!!) and was so so grateful that he did that but I would never have expected it from him whilst he was alive (didn't expect it at any stage tbh!)

zsazsajuju · 10/04/2019 19:44

You’re looking at at least 500k for a London flat even somewhere unfashionable. So you would need enough of a deposit that you could get a mortgage for the rest. So for a city lawyer you would need to save about 50k plus stamp duty. no easy or quick task.

And as pp who said that their “team” manage despite earning a fraction of that- how so? How do they manage to buy property in London? Have they found some sort of magic solution? Or did they just buy ages ago or live with family?

zsazsajuju · 10/04/2019 19:45

Also city law jobs are concentrated in London and that type of law is paid a lot less or just doesn’t exist elsewhere. So moving not really an option.

Teateaandmoretea · 10/04/2019 19:48

zsazsajuju Why don't you just look on rightmove for croydon and search for under 300k? Confused

HunnyCaramel · 10/04/2019 20:00

I definitely will be, it's traditional, all older (70+) people i know had some kind of aid from previous generations to get their property, and other cultures have traditions such as family clubbing together to get newlyweds a yurt for their wedding in mongolia. It makes sense - you need the resources to raise kids when you're young, but how are you supposed to HAVE them when just starting out in life? Its logical for older generations to share.

Langrish · 10/04/2019 20:35

Clairemcnam

“But I hate when young people are blamed fpr dying young.”

Who’s doing that? As you say, you hugely increase your chances if you take care of yourself. Some people have bad luck and get sick. Some people get lucky in spite of being irresponsible.
Anyway, we’ll be hanging on to our funds though thanks, in case we live to be very old and need them ourselves!

SinisterBumFacedCat · 10/04/2019 20:59

Genetics can fuck you over healthwise no matter how fit and healthy you are. It’s lucky to live healthily into old age.

Langrish · 10/04/2019 21:15

Indeed they can SinisterBumFacedCat (makes me smile every time I read your name, btw) I’ve got one boob after breast cancer 3 years ago: my 40s were pretty unhealthy, I drank too much wine, didn’t exercise and ate badly in spite of females on my mums side going on into their 90s for many generations (she did the family tree back to the mid 1600s and it’s absomutely remarkable how old most of them were).
So, after I got ill I started exercising, eating well knocked the wine on the head except weekends. Lost stones, feel fantastic, healthier in my mid-50s than I’ve ever been. I’m educated enough to know the cancer could reappear tomorrow in spite of all that bloody effort, but no harm hedging my bets is there?
I expect to live a long life so will need our money Grin

ooooohbetty · 10/04/2019 21:33

I definitely will be, it's traditional, all older (70+) people i know had some kind of aid from previous generations to get their property,

It's not traditional. I don't know anyone 70+ who had help from parents. It seems to be a very middle class thing. Those in their 70's who own homes, I don't know any that are in houses that are worth loads, some are still living in flats. My parents bought their first home that had one bedroom and no bath. We ended up in a Council house after becoming homeless. I got on the housing ladder with no help from parents and my children did with no help from me. Get down from your ivory towers.

grimeandlime · 10/04/2019 21:42

There's usually a reason that some areas have cheap cheap (affordable!) property. As someone pointed out, the girl in question's job just doesn't exist outside of London or New York etc, so moving to an ex mining village is not an option

OP posts:
DexyMidnight · 10/04/2019 22:30

I've said my piece upthread (I.e. there's a difference between gifting 50k which you may well need for your old age, and lending your child their deposit).

Just wading back in to say what a load of absolute tosh about starter homes in London costing 500k.

OP the young lawyer could buy a garden flat with off street parking in a victorian conversion right where i live for 280k in zone 4 and have a 40 minute door to door commute (assuming she works in the City).

Imo it would be lovely if her parents or grandparents would consider lending her the deposit money to enable this to happen now rather than in 3-5 years but if they can't or won't, a junior lawyer can save up 40k in 3-4 years (1k a month put aside from net pay is very doable on 40k, even with london rent, socialising and holidays). Trust me I speak from experience.

If course if she wants a 500k one bedder in trendy clapham or Islington then that's quite different.

DexyMidnight · 10/04/2019 22:33

I should add: no of course the area of London where I live isn't the nicest but it's perfectly suitable for City lawyers (I am one Wink)

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 11/04/2019 06:19

There's usually a reason that some areas have cheap cheap (affordable!) property. As someone pointed out, the girl in question's job just doesn't exist outside of London or New York etc, so moving to an ex mining village is not an option

I talked about my cheap property. I was talking in general because someone, outside London, asked where.

My property is ace. Not an ex mining village. Low crime rate etc.

The girl in question, though chose to pursue a career that, apparently, doesnt exist outside London.

The fact that you, op, only come back to drop bits in and not engage in the converstation suggests this is a made up situation.

You haven't answered why the mother doesnt feel it's her responsibility.

What amazes me on threads like this is that people tall about old people downsizing as though it's the easiest thing in the world.

But on threads, from when the bedroom tax came in, the majority on mn were horrified that elderly people would be forced to downsize and leave their family home, the home they had lived in their entire lives. That it was disgusting, disruptive, upsetting for elderly people etc.

It seems elderly people who own their own home cant have similar feelings and should downsize to ensure their granddaughter who has a good job can purchase her own property. Even though the granddaughter chose a job that only exists in the most expensive area of the country.

If I had the money I would help out. I dont think anyone should feel they must downsize of choices their kids or grandkids made that make their life more difficult.

DexyMidnight · 11/04/2019 06:36

"it seems elderly people who own their own home cant have similar feelings and should downsize to ensure their granddaughter who has a good job can purchase her own property."

That's a great point actually. Are only the less fortunate are allowed to have community ties and extra bedrooms?

OP if it's true that the junior lawyer can only practice in London or NY she must be a Derivatives lawyer, and she must have known the geographical restrictions on her career when she started - you don't exactly just stumble into it! There's plenty of time for her to broaden her skillset and thus widen the job net, or if she's happy doing what she's doing (derivatives) then please believe me when I say I know for a fact she'll be on 100k by her 30th birthday and will afford a london flat very easily very soon.

ooooohbetty · 11/04/2019 07:47

But OP. The girl has chosen her career. Why should her grandparents (or parents) have to give her money because she has chosen a career that means she has to work and live in London. Ridiculous. Also the properties for less than 80k round here aren't in ex mining villages and lots of perfectly nice people live in them. Young couples often use them as starter homes and work their way up.

zsazsajuju · 11/04/2019 18:28

@dexy - it’s not just derivatives that doesn’t exist outside of London, city law is focused on London and there are a lot less jobs elsewhere. In reality there’s not much option, worse work and a big cut in salary if you leave London.

Many not very nice areas start at 500k in London but I was surprised on another thread by ilford being so cheap and relatively well connected. Given your claim re costs and travel times I can only think you must live there.

Teateaandmoretea · 11/04/2019 18:53

In reality there’s not much option, worse work and a big cut in salary if you leave London.

Well that's the trade off isn't it? So in reality other areas arent actually cheaper they have lower paid jobs.

And people are blanking that there ARE cheaper areas purely because they wouldn't want to live in them. But not everyone outside London starts somewhere swanky either.

motherheroic · 11/04/2019 19:42

You want then to sell their house and then hand their grandchildren 100k each? Why are you divvying up their funds? You don't know what it's wrapped up in. Or even if they have a good relationship with this granddaughter.

SerenDippitty · 11/04/2019 20:55

@dexy - it’s not just derivatives that doesn’t exist outside of London, city law is focused on London and there are a lot less jobs elsewhere. In reality there’s not much option, worse work and a big cut in salary if you leave London

Probably a better work-life balance though.

Aroundtheworldandback · 11/04/2019 21:51

“Hugely exacerbates social inequality”. Iltavilli Are you a communist?

Aroundtheworldandback · 11/04/2019 21:52

And what if the grandparents are worried about care home fees?

DexyMidnight · 11/04/2019 22:28

Zsazsajuju yep I lived there. Would have loved to have lived in Islington or Hackney etc but we rally wanted to buy asap. It's turned out to be a wise financial move generally with crossrail etc.

Lots of people just don't have a hope of ever buying a home no matter what they do. It's crap and I don't know the solution is. House price growth has been left unchecked for decades and any initiatives to reverse it would be robbing Paul to pay Peter now.

But I just cannot get worked up about a City solicitor not being gifted 100k by her grandparents. She could easily afford a starter flat in an (admittedly unfashionable) area in 3 years on her salary.

If she prefers to walk to work and flatshare in a trendy area that's her perogative - she's young working hard and earning well and can do what she pleases but I just don't understand why the OP is handwringing about this.

Oliversmumsarmy · 12/04/2019 00:17

zsazsajuju Why don't you just look on rightmove for croydon and search for under 300k

I did and there are 701 properties with 1 bed +

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