Do you think family should help younger generation to get on housing ladder?

[grimeandlime]

A neighbour of mine has a daughter who is 26 and a lawyer in London. She is a lovely girl and hugely hard working, but her mum was telling me that she cannot even dream of affording a flat due to the huge deposit needed.

Her grandparents live in a 6 bedroom detached house worth about £1mil I reckon. According to neighbour they have investments worth at least £500k due to selling off family business and inheritances.

I know it's got nothing at all to do with me, but surely they could chuck each grandchild £100k as a deposit for a flat, and downsize to a bungalow/ retirement village/ nice flat.

Do you think families should try and help the younger generations to get on the housing ladder?

Also why should no one help their children ? Do you think the government should ? I think we need to teach our children to look after themselves. Anything else is a bonus .

My Dad helped me buy my first house. He renovated it with me (and I mean with me - I didn't just sit on my arse and watch him do the work, he taught me electrics, plumbing, skimming walls, laying new flooring and pretty much everything he could). As a payoff I wrote him a cheque when I sold it to repay what he'd lent me, fully expecting him to take the money, he explained that the money was a gift so I put it down as a larger deposit on the next house.

If a parent is in a position to help their children buy a home, I think it's lovely. It wasn't expected at all, but the help gave me such a leg-up that I'll absolutely do the same for my own DC.

No, I don't think they 'should'. If they can afford it and want to then it's a nice gesture but no one should be obligated. MIL has help us out in the past but we haven't helped DH's children as there's no spare money and we're not prepared to struggle.

Every family is different. If they’re Tory voters they probably think every man for their own, nobody helped them so they won’t help anyone else.

Luckily come from a long line of Labour voters so we all chip in and help where we can. I saved my own deposit with DP but it took us two years and was far from easy. I would help my DC in a flash if I could but I’m a teacher, I’ll probably never earn enough.

The greatest gift we can give our kids is the freedom from having to look after us if we reach the point where we need care. That’s why we’re not chucking money at them. I fully expect to get dementia - there’s loads of it in my mum’s family - our money will pay for my care so the kids can get on with their lives and not feel guilty. Perhaps that’s selfish?

The greatest gift we can give our kids is the freedom from having to look after us if we reach the point where we need care.

No, Alsohuman I don't think this is selfish, quite the opposite. You've planned what you are going to do, made provision for yourself. I have seen and experienced the opposite though, where parents sit on a lot of cash, don't believe old age will affect them, refuse to plan or part with money for care and deem their children should do it for them. Meanwhile their children and now grandchildren have struggled financially and otherwise because 'no one helped me, so I don't see why I should help you' forgetting that their circumstances were very different.

I have friends with DC in late twenties and thirties climbing the ladder in law and parents still pay the rent and mobile phone in one case and train fares in the other.

Which is just another way of keeping Law elite.

Also if we included grandparents as in the original post that can get very complicated if you want to treat everyone the same. My parents had 9 grandchildren born over about 20 years. Like my parents I wiill leave my estate to my children equally but not to my grandchildren as that is a bit too complicated and means less money to go around etc.

No they're not. But equally then should older generations expect help in the form of care, driving them around to appointments etc etc... it goes both ways. I see a lot of people expecting their adult DC, especially daughters and DIL, to drop everything to attend to their needs once their become too frail to drive themselves around. It swings both ways. Its not out of entitled expectation but simply not having the mental, financial and time resources.

But the older generations have already done the work of bringing up the children. That's what looking after them in old age is payback for surely?

I'm not implying that its a strict quid pro quo that a child is raised to adulthood so must repay their parents in old age anymore than I think anyone is entitled to parents/grandparents money. That will be down to the dynamic between child and parent I suppose. More, that if the adult child has no resources, or is stretched thin already by everyday life, they are not going to be able to give care to elderly family.

The only friends I know with houses had help from parents. We are saving the remaining for our mortgage deposit and recently my mum booked her second hols of the year for more than the amount we need. It's hard not to be jealous especially as my grandparents helped my mum buy their marital home. But you just have to save as much as you can and not think about others or it will drive you mad!

BlindAssasin1

“No they're not. But equally then should older generations expect help in the form of care, driving them around to appointments etc etc... it goes both ways. I see a lot of people expecting their adult DC, especially daughters and DIL, to drop everything to attend to their needs once their become too frail to drive themselves around. It swings both ways. Its not out of entitled expectation but simply not having the mental, financial and time resources.”

No, older generations absolutely shouldn’t expect those things either. My mother is 80, has always taken great care of her health and fitness and is reaping the benefits now. If her health does ever fail, she has enough money for care because she has saved, hard, all of her life, to her own detriment sometimes. I would never have expected her to take care of my children either, that’s preposterous. My decision to have them, my responsibility. She brought me and my siblings up, that’s enough.
Neither my husband and I nor our children have any right whatsoever to expect her to sacrifice her financial independence, move home or go without in order to fund us. She can pay for care with her own hard earned money should she ever need to, would completely hate being dependent on relatives and I feel exactly the same way. I take my health seriously, eat really well, vigorously exercise, don’t smoke etc. If illness strikes, there’s no way I’m going to be a burden to my children, that what my husband’s and my savings and pension investments are for. If we fly til we die, don’t linger on I’ll and don’t need care, the children and grandchildren get a nice departing gift.

Alsohuman

Not selfish, quite the opposite. Wouldn’t wish looking after someone with dementia on any non-professional. MIL only in relatively early stages and that’s bad enough to see. I couldn’t care for her, thankfully she has provision and doesn’t need it.

It may be less simple than not wanting to help. If you gift someone money, if you die within 7 years of the gift, that is liable for taxation at a high rate. So it may not make sense financially to give someone 100k if you are elderly as the recipient unfortunately may become liable to a big unexpected tax bill. Things aren't already a simple in real life without the help of an experienced accountant, tax advisor or IFA. Particularly if they other wealth/inherit to leave that will factor into this. If people have more than the average amount of capital tax planning is very important (and before anyone jumps on me about tax evasion it isn't evasion- tax will have likely been paid at source, through other taxation and it just makes sense to give that thought rather than hand over hard earned money to the government and taxing two or even three times)

My mother is 80, has always taken great care of her health and fitness and is reaping the benefits now.
My dad is 79, has been a chain smoker, heavy drinker and taken no exercise. He is healthy. While two friends have died in their 40s and 50s who both looked after themselves.
I know that if you look after yourself you increase the risk of living to an older age and being healthy. But I hate when young people are blamed fpr dying young.

I agree op. A friend of my mum's is always lamenting how her daughter and her husband are "only renting" despite both having good academic jobs. The woman lives alone in a huge 5 bed house must be worth close to a million. I do wonder why she doesn't down size to help them out. That's just what I would do if it were my child but I guess everyone is different.

I think it's a great thing to do, but that doesn't mean they should. It's made a huge difference to my DSS.

A DGP left him a £40k trust fund when he was 5. Thanks to canny investment, it was over £100k when he reached 21.

He used the money to buy a house, with a small mortgage. He got in 2 lodgers, to give himself an income, and went back to college to do a vocational course (he'd already got a degree in something business related, but he's not suited to commerce and is much happier doing something practical).

He's not yet 30, and has a property with about £200k of equity. He still has lodgers, so has an income on top of what he earns. He can afford to go travelling if and when he chooses, in the summer when his work isn't busy he has the time and money to go to loads of festivals, to work on his allotment, house or garden.

It's given him a fantastic lifestyle. He can work as much or as little as he pleases, and if he wants to build his business and get seriously rich, he can.

It would be nice. My DP and the in-laws are all divorced so between them have 4 4 and 5 bed family homes in lovely areas. My Grandmother recently died aged 97, and had another 5 bed home. We rent and not through choice.
DGranny held on to her house as my aunt's provided decades of free care. Watching that has made me less grumpy at my collective parents and in-laws as I'm not providing any care for them, so pleased they have an asset to sell if needed!

I agree with op - I am currently saving up for deposits for my dcs. My parents didn’t help me and it was a huge struggle with a lot of money spent on rent (wasted really when I would rather have bought and prices were rocketing further and further out my reach). It’s even worse now, especially in London. People should be able to get on the ladder without parental help, but they can’t in many areas of the country. That situation isn’t fair but I want my daughters to have a home and not have to pay huge amounts of money in rent. I can’t help everyone and my dds are my priority.

As for those saying a London solicitor doesn’t need help to get on the ladder, you must have no idea of property prices in London. To buy a small flat anywhere commutable would need a huge deposit plus stamp duty which is a tough ask when paying rent. Realistically it would be years if not decades for even a high earner to save that, even if they were frugal.

500k is about ten years care home fees for one person. A house worth a million squid is not that unusual now in parts of the UK. Why should they downsize, its their home, the kids and grandkids might inherit one day.

Having lived in London through my early twenties (mid twenties now) and working in a competitive industry, I honestly believe nobody HAS to live in London and the choice to do so is an acknowledgment of the housing cost.

I saw a lot of people who CHOSE to live in London because they preferred the working environment/social scene/city buzz and justified not really being able to afford living there as ‘not their fault’ as they HAD to live in London 😒

Nobody HAS to live in London anymore than you HAVE to have a certain type of car or holidays. I get those who were born/raised there but still... you don’t argue that you wouldn’t argue that you should be able to afford a Ferrari just because your parents could 50 years ago!

Well its really down to individual circumstances but as a general rule, i would like us to have a housing market in this country whereby it was perfectly possible for people in average jobs, to be able to afford a decent home with a garden,parking and sufficient space. Unfortunately the housing market is corrupt ,a huge bubble and has so many interest groups driving it that the citizens of this country mostly struggle to afford a decent home.

The finance industry and bent estate agents are also trying hard to drive this concept of parents financing their childrens homes whether its by downsizing,remortgaging, equity release or whatever. All they care about in the end is their own personal and corporate greed.

We have the corrupt help to buy scheme where people are conned into massively over paying for new homes,with taxpayers money being used to inflate the bubble and boost housebuilder profits,share prices and directors remuneration packages. They have no shame..

ALL taxpayers are funding this criminal waste of taxpayer funds,,,even those who are homeless,renting,sofa surfing,etc !

You could not make it up..

why on earth should the grandparents downsize to give grandchildren their money???? wth, so selfish of people to expect this, the 26 year old solicitor can save up like most people have to do or if they have that much money, she may inherit some when they die.

It's no ones business how they spend their money what the house is worth or what investment they may have, I'd be bloody livid if my children discussed this with their neighbours.

As for those saying a London solicitor doesn’t need help to get on the ladder, you must have no idea of property prices in London. To buy a small flat anywhere commutable would need a huge deposit plus stamp duty which is a tough ask when paying rent. Realistically it would be years if not decades for even a high earner to save that, even if they were frugal.

What a load of old tosh seriously. Yes buying in a fashionable London borough v difficult but y'know I have a team in London who earn a fraction of what city lawyers do and they seem to manage somehow.