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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
Claw01 · 09/04/2019 21:39

If I really couldn’t stand the noise of babies/toddlers/kids, I wouldn’t eat in a cafe that had signs in the window welcoming/encouraging babies/toddlers/kids!

wallymum · 09/04/2019 21:39

Yanbu Live and let live!!! Don't give two more fs about it. People are rude!

BlueSlipperSocks · 09/04/2019 21:43

TBH OP. I had 4 children under 7. When we went out on day trips I took a picnic so they could eat away from grumpy people.

I don't take my dog into a dog friendly cafe for the same reason. No matter what you do someone will have something to complain about. My dog will lie quietly under the table and someone will walk in and have a hissy fit 🙄

Same with the kids. .....There's always someone that has something to moan about.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 21:45

I have had lovely comments as well. One lovely woman offered to hold ds when he was about 3 months old so that I could eat my food. I think I would go insane if I couldn't take trips out. My dd loves going places and it would be a shame to stop just cause she has a baby brother.

OP posts:
Shelbybear · 09/04/2019 21:47

Oh u were nice to them too. I can't say I would have been. You should have thrown that great Mumsnet comment out there of, "do u mean to be so rude".

What they did was not nice or necessary, selfish gits the pair of them 😠

BlackPrism · 09/04/2019 21:50

@NoSauce so the mums should've left instead? Or not come out? Never come out? Why does the preference of you and your DP and friend take precedence over than of (what 6+ people?) by the trolley count they had more right than you as more people's happiness was at stake.

Or, they were first, we could go by that argument?

I don't get why you think you're so much more important than mums and kids...? And they say my generation are snowflakes

user4858 · 09/04/2019 22:01

YANBU!!! Are parents not allowed to leave the house anymore? I feel particularly sensitive to post like this as when I first had my DD i had a similar incident. After which I barely left the house due to the fear of 'making a scene' when out. I now look back and realise this incident and fear contributed to me having postnatal depression as I was stuck inside the house all day everyday.
I hate this 'children should be seen and not heard' attitude some people have. It's seems to be more prevalent in this country. I was on holiday in Greece recently and DD started to get grumpy in her high chair. I panicked and was almost ready to ask the waiter could we take our food back to the room. However, other diners actually started interacting with DD and others just didn't even acknowledge her. DD soon calmed down probably because I did.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 09/04/2019 22:07

No, people not wanting to listen to babies shouting (and op herself described it as such) in cafes does not equate to “parents not being allowed to leave the house anymore”.
I hate when debates are reduced to such arrant nonsense.

Inapickle230 · 09/04/2019 22:10

Yanbu at all. We were all babies at one point and most of us have them, I can’t understand people who get so worked up. I personally find babies babbling one of the sweetest noises there is. In European cafes/restaurants children are welcomed and fussed over, its a shame some people are so miserable.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 22:12

But how do I get a baby to stop. He wasnt upset he was just talking. He does this a lot. He doesn't know how to regulate his volume yet. He got excited by his toast so loudly proclaimed his excitement. If I cant take him out in case he is unhappy or excited. When can I leave the house? When he is asleep?
I tried to keep him entertained but this led to his excited babbling. If I hadn't done this and left him in his pram he would have screamed. I honestly don't know what I am meant to do.

OP posts:
Claw01 · 09/04/2019 22:14

Babies do shout and make noise, it’s unavoidable!

I don’t understand why people who cannot tolerate baby noises (which is reasonable) eat in places which encourage babies with signs on the windows!

wingsandstrings · 09/04/2019 22:19

I've mostly found adults to be noisier than children in restaurants, on trains, at the cinema during films, on planes etc. All the absolute worst experiences I've had with annoying levels of noice in public places have been adults, generally drunk ones. I doubt your babbling babe was louder than a couple of friends laughing over lunch, but somehow people are predisposed to get much more annoyed. It's aggravating when parents just let children run wild but you didn't - this idea that children and their carers (mainly women of course) should hide away during the early years and then emerge with children age 5 and above who despite never having the chance to learn how to behave in public settings behave perfectly, is silly and more than a bit misogynistic.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 09/04/2019 22:20

If it's persistent, loud and sustained over a period of time, it's going to get annoying if it's not your baby. If just an outburst then its no biggie. But the being unreasonable bit was definitely the rudeness of the couple. They are quite entitled not to like it but being kind is, well, kinder! Be kinder.

LittleChristmasMouse · 09/04/2019 22:31

It's all well and good saying aren't mums allowed out, I'd go mad if I couldn't go out etc but a lit of older people can't tolerate noise, find it difficult to hear others when it's a loud environment so they also have the right to be out and about as to anyone else who wants a quiet lunch.

The problem is now that there aren't really places where people can go for a quieter meal are there? So those people might have been unreasonable but where do they go if they don't want to sit next to a baby shouting and throwing bits of food?

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 22:33

I'm going to try to let it not bother me. I cant stop him babbling loudly or dropping food atm due to his age. Hopefully next time we go out I will be sat next to kinder people. Luckily my dd was too obsessed with the sandwiches that were star shaped to notice what was said so it didn't bother her

OP posts:
SosigDog · 09/04/2019 22:40

Take no notice OP. Normal people have empathy and understand that everyone is entitled to use public spaces. I dread to think how they’d react to someone with a disability that caused them to make noise. Bet they wouldn’t be as keen to openly discriminate against them.

DownStreet · 09/04/2019 22:45

I often wonder on threads like this one if the posters who are so verociously pro children felt that way before their precious offspring?

Yep, I’ve never felt that a baby is an annoyance. I couldn’t fully empathise with exactly how awful it feels when you’re desperately trying to calm a baby, but I never found a baby enjoying some toast offensive.

There is also the fact that most of the people who tut and complain in front of mothers of young children would not be pulling the same trick if someone else was making the noise. I’ve been tutted at when my toddler said ‘train, train’ our the window as another train passed ours, the same people didn’t say a thing when a group of men on the way to a football match got on and sang at full volume. People just think they can get away with being rude to women with children.

Claw01 · 09/04/2019 22:46

My son has Autism and cannot stand noise, particularly the pitch babies make!

There are plenty of quieter places to eat! When with my son, I would avoid cafes encouraging babies!

When not with my son OP, I would happily be smiling, cooing and babbling with your baby Smile

shitholiday2018 · 09/04/2019 22:46

It’s so difficult. Of course you should be able to feed your kids. That said, there are so many horribly permissive/ineffective parents out there who allow their children to be noisy, invasive and ruin everyone else’s experience. It is quite the modern phenomenon. So who knows - maybe what you think as quiet babbling was actually loud and obnoxious. If you were making no (or ineffectual) attempts to shush him or quieten him down then I can see their side. And I can’t stand it when kids throw or drop food, stop them fucking doing it!

I took my babies out but even as babies they were not allowed to shout and scream or throw food, either at home or out. At nine months mine had learned not to shout, throw food etc at the table. If it happened we got down/left and the meal is over. Try it - every time. They soon stop shouting and throwing food. Maybe then they will be better company in cafes.

Claw01 · 09/04/2019 22:49

Wow

LittleChristmasMouse · 09/04/2019 22:52

Anyone who isn't entirely welcoming of mums and babies are intolerant arseholes who don't care that mums and children have a right to be out in public not stuck at home right?

So how come mums on buses and trains who let their toddlers take up seats while older or people less able are forced to stand aren't ignorant arseholes forcing elderly and disabled people to not go out?

Or a lady on here, wanting to change her baby, felt that she should have been ushered to the front of the queue - why wasn't she ignorant?

IchibanLipstickForMen · 09/04/2019 22:52

I'd have said "sod of then, miserable git!"

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 22:55

He doesn't understand. I tell him no and to hush but he doesnt understand. He us holding a piece of toast and drops it cause he hasn't quite got the hang of keeping it in his hand yet. Or he misses his mouth and it falls to the floor. I should stop him eating as punishment at 9 months. What do I do with my 4 year old if I have to leave everytime the baby makes noise etc? Your 9 month old never shouted even when they got excited or overwhelmed? I'm sorry I'm not as brilliant as you but he only started properly eating less than 2 months ago so his etiquette hasn't caught on yet.

OP posts:
Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 09/04/2019 22:58

I hate noisy children/babies and I have two of my own but you were in a cafe not a restaurant so I can’t really see the problem unless he was unnecessarily loud.

teletubbies123 · 09/04/2019 23:01

NoSauce Is it you went to the cafe with a friend to meet another friend there or was it with your DH. Did you expect us simple mum's not to read your posts.

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