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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
Usuallyinthemiddle · 09/04/2019 21:10

justaboy I know, it made me chuckle!

MagnificentDelurker · 09/04/2019 21:11

Give them no attention mothers have a right to be in public. They were unreadable. Mothers are truly treated badly in this country. They should not have made you feel uncomfortable. I am fuming on your behalf.

KateTTC123 · 09/04/2019 21:13

Yanbu. Babies exist, they need to deal with that.

JE87 · 09/04/2019 21:14

There was no need for them to be so rude! They could see you were on your own with 2 young children. Wouldn't hurt some people to cheer up a bit sometimes!

Mrsfrumble · 09/04/2019 21:15

I often wonder on threads like this one if the posters who are so verociously pro children felt that way before their precious offspring?

I can honestly say that at no point in my life so far have I found the sound of a 9 month-old baby babbling anything other than heart warming, and if I ever do, please shoot me and put my black and withered soul out of its misery.

Because that’s what the OP is talking about; a baby, making normal baby noises. Not a child who is old enough to be “controlled” shrieking or yelling.

OP, you were not being unreasonable. The miserable sods could clearly see you had small children when they sat down near you. I swear some people go looking for misery and reasons to moan and start conflict. How dull their lives must be!

TheSheepofWallStreet you sound awesome.

Boysey45 · 09/04/2019 21:15

They should have sat somewhere else to begin with . If someone is after a quiet lunch then they shouldn't sit next to a toddler.Its basic common sense.

Creatureofthenight · 09/04/2019 21:16

Good grief, this thread.
OP it sounds like you were fine and the couple were arsey. As are many of the replies above.
So tell us wise ones, how exactly do you get a 9 month old to stop dropping food on the floor? I mean, you could bring out a book or something and let the rest of us in on the secret.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 09/04/2019 21:17

Babies exist, they need to deal with that. What a very strange comment.
Nobody wants to eliminate babies, but many don’t want to hear their caterwauling when they’re relaxing over a coffee either.

MsTSwift · 09/04/2019 21:21

Well those fools should have sat somewhere else then not smack next to a mother on her own managing two extremely young children Hmm.

Cherrysherbet · 09/04/2019 21:21

They were just miserable op. If I were them , I would have tried to make conversation with you to reassure you it was fine. Don’t worry about it.

InsertFunnyUsername · 09/04/2019 21:23

Managedmis

And the OP might have went to the cafe to get a break from being stuck indoors, which one trumps the other?

Its a public place, public will be there. Unless the child is running riot, throwing food and causing chaos then it's really not that big of a deal a baby babbling.

Wearywithteens · 09/04/2019 21:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

mirime · 09/04/2019 21:28

I often wonder on threads like this one if the posters who are so verociously pro children felt that way before their precious offspring?

Yep. I've never been bothered by children being out in public. Even when they're noisy.

They're are things I don't like - people listening to crappy music on crappy phone speakers, smoking, loud drunks, gratuitous swearing, aggressive behaviour...

Children being children is fine though.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 21:29

He wasnt unsettled as in crying just wanted to be entertained. I had to feed my other child as well. He then sat and ate his dinner. I walked round with him to stop him becoming unsettled as there was no place for me to out him. He wasnt screaming or tantrumming he was shouting cause hes learning how to make sounds.
The 1st time I took him out alone a woman told me to cover his head while I breastfed him and now this. It just makes me wonder if I should just stay in my small town until hes bigger.

OP posts:
Jakesmumandbump · 09/04/2019 21:31

YANBU. Well mannered people would simply have moved away quietly in that situation, they were clearly out to ruin someone’s day by making a big drama. Whatever their problem is, it isn’t with you, it’s with themselves.

Dieu · 09/04/2019 21:31

Aww, OP, they sound horrible Gin

If it were me, I'd have asked very discreetly to be moved. Not used it as an opportunity to make someone feel like shit!

HenSolo · 09/04/2019 21:33

A 9 month old wanting to move does not make him ‘unhappy’ and ‘unsettled’. It makes him a small child.

Are you people reading the op and the thread? Do you REALLY think small children should not be welcome in cafes?? And people have the right to make horrible comments to a struggling parent? What unempathetic world do you live in? Should my disabled brother not be allowed in too as he might make a bit of noise?

SleepingStandingUp · 09/04/2019 21:34

It was a cafe that served children, so it's unreasonable to go in and expect peace and quiet. They were rude.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 09/04/2019 21:36

So now he wasn’t babbling, he was shouting...

AssignedNorthern · 09/04/2019 21:37

Amazes me the amount of people who seem to expect to hear no noise whatsoever when out in public. They are the ones who should stay at home IMO

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 21:37

Well hes 9 months, he cant talk he cant regulate his volume. He was babbling loudly. He wasnt crying he wasnt screaming he was making vowel sounds in a loud way.

OP posts:
Namechangemum100 · 09/04/2019 21:38

Haven't read the full thread but as a mum of 2 under 2 with a ds who is a similar age and likes to cruise around and babble loudly I do not think you were unreasonable at all!

It's life, children can be noisy at times and mum's deserve to still move around in society as they normally would should they choose to. I refuse to be confined to God awful baby groups day in day out and therefore take my two wherever I like.

I would ignore them op, you were out for lunch with your two children, despite their horrible attitude I hope you still managed to have a nice time...there's something about being a mum to really small children that makes some people treat us as if we are no longer members of normal society and quite frankly they can sod off.

reetgood · 09/04/2019 21:38

Yanbu.

I mean I avoid tables with kids on... but that’s when I have my own 1 year old sleeping in the pram. He will sleep through pretty much anything but another infants’s noise!

I think i agree with a positive it is a bit of a feminist issue tbh - children are part of our society too, and their main caregivers are often women. They have as much right to occupy public space as other people. And yes, context of cafe should be considered. But you can’t expect kids to disappear.

And yes, I did have this attitude before kids. I once as a teenage waitress told a customer that a baby had as much right to be in the (family friendly) cafe as he did.

HenSolo · 09/04/2019 21:38

The 1st time I took him out alone a woman told me to cover his head while I breastfed him and now this

Oh Jesus. I’m so sorry op I have had several similar situations but also so much support and love from strangers. Carry on please, we can’t let them win! Grin

My favourite was when my 2 year old was having a full on meltdown in a quiet road and I was close to tears. A group of women, about age 70+ were power walking down the street towards us. One crossed the road over to me and I thought oh no here we go. She reached forward and squeezed my arm gently. ‘Aren’t they hard work sometimes?’ She said, and was off. Think of all the lovely people like that (who made my day!) and not the arseholes

sollyfromsurrey · 09/04/2019 21:38

NoSauce, you went to a cafe that you could see was full of mums and toddler/babies and then were unhappy with the toddlers/babies....