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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
NannyRed · 09/04/2019 23:01

Not everyone is obligated to like your children, just let the people who asked to move away from you and your children go.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 23:03

I really do try and keep him quiet. Dd is very well behaved she will sit and talk or colour. He just isn't old enough to understand yet. I have no family around and dh works a lot I don't want to stop going places it will drive me insane. I try to be considerate to others. It just made me worry I was doing something terribly wrong.

OP posts:
Claw01 · 09/04/2019 23:04

littlechristmas People are perfectly entitled to not want to be around babies or noise they make. However, you can’t really complain about babies being in baby friendly places, where they are being encouraged to be!

People who take up priority seats/seats and don’t give them up for elderly or disabled are ignorant arseholes.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 23:04

I didn't try and stop them leaving. They spoke loudly. They could have just left and I wouldn't have known why.

OP posts:
Usuallyinthemiddle · 09/04/2019 23:04

None of us were there so it's not an exact science! And it's all subjective, all relative.
How small the cafe, how loud the noise, for how long, was it shouting or babbling, was food dropped or thrown, were all parties reasonably considerate? We can't know and you're convinced you're not unreasonable so all anyone can do is be nice and draw a line under it! Life's about tolerance, consideration and kindness. Not entitlement. That just leads to arguments! Both ways.

Sleepyblueocean · 09/04/2019 23:05

My 12 year old still makes a noise and drops food - I must be one of those permissive parents. He has a problem with baby noise so we avoid places and times where babies are likely to be there.

teletubbies123 · 09/04/2019 23:06

You don't have to justify yourself you were trying to be as considerate as possible but some people are natural pricks. Born and bred pricks that unleash themselves into society. God forbid they share space with people.

StoppinBy · 09/04/2019 23:07

YANBU, it is not their private home, it is a public place, sometimes when out in public places people just have to put up with things that annoy them. The end.

LittleChristmasMouse · 09/04/2019 23:08

But most places now are baby friendly aren't they? What cafe, coffee shop, restaurant or pub aren't children welcome to go into? In that regard I sort of understand there being no choice for people who do want to go somewhere with less noise from children or babies.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 23:13

Well he was babbling loudly I don't know at what point it becomes a shout tbh I mean it's just noise isn't it? It was a big cafe it was fairly busy, etc. I didn't feel I was being unreasonable but they made me feel so. I wasnt rude to them. But previous posters have told me I should have got him to stop shouting by now and stopped him dropping food. He doesnt throw it as in on purpose sometimes he waves it around and it flies out of his hand. Does that count as throwing? I don't know. But none of the food went near anyone else. We were in the cafe for about 45 mins overall. Cause we had to catch the bus home at a certain time. He really wasnt that loud no screaming or crying. I just don't know when I'm allowed to take him out in public. I got comments when I breastfed him and now comments when he is eating toast. I do 95% of the childcare so things like this really do affect me.

OP posts:
choc1cheese1 · 09/04/2019 23:15

Well done you for starting the steppingstones for your children to enjoy eating out & behaving appropriately in public, the earlier the better, even if slightly stressful, mainly if because of others reactions! But so important! NoSauce, if you & your husband wanted a quiet cuppa & chat surely you had other options!!😀🤣

Claw01 · 09/04/2019 23:16

littlechristmas there are plenty of places to eat which are quieter. Cafes which advertise breastfeeding welcome etc on the windows, I would avoid!

MidniteScribbler · 09/04/2019 23:17

You did say in your OP that he was 'shouting'.

To be honest, you hovering standing up near my table would have annoyed me more than a baby. I had it one day in a café where the woman spent the whole meal standing between our tables jiggling her baby up and down. All I saw for the whole meal was her arse at table height bouncing up and down. It was really very unpleasant and we couldn't relax with her standing right there for the whole meal.

Planetian · 09/04/2019 23:19

They were incredibly rude but 9 months is a terrible age for bringing a baby into a restaurant. I’ve done it too I’m not saying you shouldn’t - but it’s alwaus a bit of a shit show isn’t it?! I had two under two and once my second child left the newborn stage eating out with both of them just became not worth it. I do it very rarely and make sure it’s a cafe where you can get food pretty much instantly.

I’d stick to a deli/food court type place to avoid the stress personally, until your DS is a little older and can sit nicely like your DD. YWNBU by the way it’s just people are arseholes and it’s not worth the aggravation.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 09/04/2019 23:21

You originally said throwing! But, we weren't there and if you just needed a rant then fine! But you asked were you being unreasonable and the simple answer is, who knows?! They were undoubtedly rude and unkind to you from what you've said. Everyone can be more tolerant and considerate. Asking this hive mind will only wind you up!

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 23:22

But again I wasnt stood up the whole time. First 5-10 mins he was in his pram. Then he was on my knee. Then we stood up for 10 mins until the food came. Then he was in his pram again. He was shouting but I still don't know how to stop that. I hushed him, I distracted him. I couldn't leave. It just made me worried about taking them both out alone.

OP posts:
Chlo1674 · 09/04/2019 23:24

The couple were out of order. You were there first. They chose a table next to two small children. What did they expect? Maybe they will be parents themselves one day and then look back on this incident and realise that they were completely out of line? Some people seem to think that anyone with children should stay at home all day and not go on holiday etc. Completely out of touch with reality.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 23:27

I wont be taking them out to eat again, no more trips to this town for a while. I live quite rurally no major shopping centres etc so cafes are the only real option or Gregg's. Luckily it's nearly summer and we live by the beach so we wont be bothering other diners as it will be picnics for us.
As for the throwing food I honestly don't know when it becomes a throw, he doesnt do it on purpose but sometimes it looks like he throws it. Doesnt go far so I doubt he'll be a bowler.

OP posts:
LittleChristmasMouse · 09/04/2019 23:28

Claw01

Where are these places? My local town only has chain coffee shops, chain restaurants and wetherspoons. Which of those won't have lots of mums with babies and children in so that people who want to can avoid them?

You don't know what's going on with people or why the need a quieter environment. Now though that is more and more difficult to find.

yumyumpoppycat · 09/04/2019 23:28

Kind of on the fence - I have 3 children and used to like taking them to cafes, sometimes it got me through the day. But despite this I am not as understanding as I should be, I was in a café today and a mum was feeding her baby and the baby/toddler was babbling in a grating way VERY loudly - I don't think the toddler was upset or having a tantrum it was just being really loud for a prolonged amount of time, and it really made for a non relaxing environment for everyone else. I don't really think the mum should have left early (she didn't) and no one tutted or whatever but it was clearly causing irritation for other people. It's a bit of a no win situation as I also feel irritated when cafes have signs up saying no children allowed!

Thatsnotmyotter · 09/04/2019 23:33

My DS (7 months) loves people and will smile, giggle, wave and shout at them for attention. I’m not going to take him to quiet, intimate venues but I’m equally not going to stay at home for the next few months in case he starts trying to chat to someone who is so miserable that they can’t just give him a little wave.

YWNBU OP.

AllesAusLiebe · 09/04/2019 23:36

I don’t think ywbu op. It sounds as though you made a good choice of child-friendly cafe and it’s unfair that you’ve been made to feel this way.

I really dislike noise from children and babies, by the way. That doesn’t mean I’m a total monster, just that I’d prefer not to be sitting next to a child making noise. I wouldn’t be shocked to find a baby being a little noisy in a cafe with colouring pencils and children’s menus, however, and definitely think that the couple should have chosen their venue for a ‘quiet lunch’ better!

LittleChristmasMouse · 09/04/2019 23:39

But why are other people wrong for not wanting to entertain your child? I just don't understand.

I don't like it where you are sitting back to back in booths and you get a child behind standing up and trying to talk to you, show you the peppa pig video that's playing (with sound) on the screen they've been given, is showing you stuff all while it's parent eats their meal in peace.

We aren't wrong to not want that.

Worsethingshappen · 09/04/2019 23:43

You did nothing wrong! You are a family who needed somewhere to eat lunch. It sounds like your children where behaving totally normally for their heathy development and you shouldn’t have to apologise for this.
I assume you are in the UK? Southern England?

InionEile · 09/04/2019 23:43

Good response to them would have been to say: 'Children are people too, if you don't like them you shouldn't go out in public and spend time in cafés'

I see you're getting lots of sniping about how loud the baby was but I'm sure it was just normal baby noises. 9 month olds babble and shout a lot. Some people are more sensitive to that than others so it's no problem if they wanted to move table but there was no need for them to make some snarky comment while doing so.

I never could handle the pressure of keeping kids quiet in cafes myself so I avoided them most of the time when my two were 3 and under but you have every right to go to cafes if you want to. Maybe just find a place with seats outside next time so you can walk the baby around more.