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AIBU?

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Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
chandylier · 10/04/2019 18:11

Oh come on, they were arseholes.
There’s no need for that. If the baby was being kid then they could have just changed tables.

Lizzie48 · 10/04/2019 18:15

My DH and I took our DDs to a whacky warehouse (they were 6 and 3 as I recall). We'd only just sat down, DDs hadn't had a chance to misbehave at all. But the elderly couple at the next table kept giving us the evils.

It was a relief when they finished their meal and left.

Surely, if you want a quiet meal out (I like to have that myself sometimes!) you wouldn't choose a pub with a whacky warehouse at 5:30 pm??

NunoGoncalves · 10/04/2019 18:21

For all the people demanding tolerance in public - why is it always towards people with children?... Or, more accurately, noisy, misbehaving children

I haven't seen any PPs demanding tolerance for noisy misbehaving children. Just as they wouldn't demand tolerance for noisy misbehaving adults. Most people are responding to the OP, whose children, by her account, were being overly noisy or misbehaving.

HenSolo · 10/04/2019 18:22

For all the people demanding tolerance in public - why is it always towards people with children?

But we aren’t saying it should just be towards children? This is a thread about a mother and her children so that’s why we are focusing on it here.
Having said that I do feel mothers with small children do need to be given a bit of a break. Sometimes we are really really struggling and just wanted a nice day out. We know people don’t find our kids as adorable as us and if the child kicks off we can feel the eyes boring into us, trust me.

This thread is not about those parents who don’t look after and monitor their children. It is about those of us who do and still get punished for the crimes of a few. We agree with you about the awful ones I’m sure! But can we please be allowed to TRY and have a nice time with our kids in a cafe or restaurant?

Lizzie48 · 10/04/2019 18:22

@Leighhalfpennysthigh I don't think anyone would disagree with you on that point, it does go both ways, though. There have been plenty of threads where posters have agreed that a parent was unreasonable, with badly behaved kids.

NunoGoncalves · 10/04/2019 18:23

I meant were NOT being overly noisy or misbehaving in my above post. Whoops

NewPapaGuinea · 10/04/2019 18:25

Quite simply if the place have high chairs you expect children to be welcome. If you cannot hack that as an adult you pick somewhere that is adult-centered. Don’t stress it, they have the problem.

angelfacecuti75 · 10/04/2019 18:27

Think they were rude and unreasonable thet could've sat somewhere else or left. If he was screaming the place down and bawling to high heaven , that's a different story but he wasn't x

MonsterRehab23 · 10/04/2019 18:31

FGS he’s a baby. You were supervising him.

They were arseholes! Ignore.

Greyhound22 · 10/04/2019 18:34

I had an argument with a couple on a dog friendly beach during the school holidays.

They had a go because one of our dogs barked with excitement at a frisbee. They threatened to hit him with a shovel and said it was ridiculous all these dogs and children around 🙄 I suggested they 'go away' and find somewhere that didn't allow dogs but good luck with finding one without children in the summer holidays.

They were just miserable cunts. I'm dual national and in my other country there is none of this nastiness and intolerance towards families and women with children are treated particularly well.

lily2403 · 10/04/2019 18:36

I would have said phew I’m glad you’re moving table your chit chat was too loud and so distracting

It’s a baby fgs people need to get a grip. Children are part of this world wether you like it or not and shock horror they are allowed to be in cafes and eat (huge eyeroll) god I wish there was a great emoji to demonstrate a huge eye roll

NoSauce · 10/04/2019 18:39

stephi81 we did go somewhere else. We were meeting a friend that is going through a recent cancer diagnosis so obviously needed somewhere pretty quiet for her talk.
Otherwise we would have probably put up with the many toddlers and babies making a racket!

BunsyGirl · 10/04/2019 19:09

I recently experienced a flight where the drunken chav behind me pulled my hair, kicked me and caused a bloody nuisance for the whole four hours. But she’s an adult, so that’s fine! None of the children caused
any problems. Bit of noise from an overtired baby until she settled onto her mummy’s booby...but no threatening or rude behaviour. I am so sick of witnessing adults behaving badly when it’s children who get the bad press!

Sashkin · 10/04/2019 19:14

For all the people demanding tolerance in public - why is it always towards people with children? Where is the tolerance for people who don't have children, don't have their children with them, or whose children have grown up

Oh I tolerate those people just fine, I’m not insisting they never leave the house, or aren’t allowed to eat in the same cafe as me! I’m extremely tolerant! Grin

I think what you want is not tolerance, but some sort of special privilege to ban people you don’t like from public spaces, and no you don’t get that.

Sashkin · 10/04/2019 19:17

You know where else is bad to have serious talks about new cancer diagnoses? Noisy nightclubs. Busy supermarket queues. Rush hour underground trains. But somehow the fact you picked a noisy child-friendly cafe is the fault of the children present and not just your bad choice of venue....

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 19:19

Sashkin

And as has been shown, often there are no other options - everywhere is child friendly.

Sashkin · 10/04/2019 19:22

But if I knew that, I’d invite my friend over to my house. I wouldn’t go and sit in soft play and then complain about it...

NoSauce · 10/04/2019 19:22

Wow.
The cafe we chose is very hit and miss actually to whether it’s busy or not. Some days we’ve been in and it has been very quiet - a few people working on their laptops, couples having lunch etc so no it wasn’t necessarily a bad choice of venue.

Nasty comment there.

Sashkin · 10/04/2019 19:29

But surely you opened the door of the cafe, saw “the many toddlers and babies making a racket” and thought “nope” and went somewhere else? Same as you would have done if all the tables were taken, or it was unexpectedly closed, or something. As I have done many times.

I’m just not sure why your story is evidence that parents shouldn’t be allowed to take their children out for food. They have as much right to be there as you do, regardless of what conversation you want to have.

manicmij · 10/04/2019 19:30

Goodness, you certainly make life hard for yourself. An hour each way in a bus with children their age, then expect your DS to ibe content sitting in a restaurant. You are braver than I could ever be. Perhaps the people who complained had also had a lengthy journey a d was looking forward to a lunch with peace and quiet and they were located next to you with nouse and food being thrown. Always two sides to the story. I cannot stand the noise of babies screaming a d yelling in suoermarkets. Do parents not understand with all the hard surfaces in places nowadays what may be a normal noise ie cry, yell, scream actually amplifies due to the surfaces and of course children hear this and make even more noise. I feel sorry for staff as at times the nouse must exceed the safe levels in other words, not everyone enjoys listening to babies and children. .

NoSauce · 10/04/2019 19:33

I haven’t said that parents shouldn’t take their children out for food. I don’t think that at all actually. However I do think that they should at least try and keep them relatively quiet to some degree when other people are trying to eat too.

The reason we didn’t walk out straight away was because this cafe has ample car parking spaces so my friend wouldn’t have to look for a space elsewhere and then have to walk a way to the cafe.

NunoGoncalves · 10/04/2019 19:33

not everyone enjoys listening to babies and children

There are lots of things I don't particularly enjoy about the general public. I don't, however, demand a space for myself free of those things. I just deal with it. That's life! If I can't face the normal everyday sights and soundsof being in a public place, I just stay at home!

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 10/04/2019 19:40

If I want to go to any decent shops I have to go to this city. If I was driving it would only take 30 mins but the bus goes a long way round. We don't all live in cities etc. Ds sleeps on the bus so it's hardly a hard ship and dd enjoys looking out the window. If I didn't take them then we would be stuck in my rural town all the time. I wasnt making my life hard I was just trying to live a normal life. In summer living here is great we are by the beach and there is loads to do but in winter etc it's nice to be able to have a change of scenery.

OP posts:
Hanywany · 10/04/2019 19:40

nosauce you sound like a dick! They are children just copying the adults in trying to talk thats all theres no personal offence there at all! Do you even have kids if not what are you doing on mumsnet!!

manicmij · 10/04/2019 19:41

Ooops should be noise for all the nouses.

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