Baby in cafe

[Ginnymweasley]

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

@NoSauce have you tried keeping a 9 month old quiet? It's impossible because they don't understand!

Next time if you encounter miserable people like them, just say "you were kids once and your parents probably struggled raising your miserable arse"

I can understand if you were ignoring your DS then that is annoying but you tried to keep him quiet for as long as you can.

I go through this almost daily, it's hard and I've cried in some occasions. You didn't have to apologise to them either. They could have just got up and moved without saying a word.

lily2403 well said! it does my bloody head in people moaning about children being children! How dare these mums take their children out to get some fresh air and a change of scenery! Its just diabolical! (Eye roll)

I haven’t said that parents shouldn’t take their children out for food. I don’t think that at all actually. However I do think that they should at least try and keep them relatively quiet to some degree when other people are trying to eat too

Plenty of people on this thread have said children should be banned from cafes and restaurants. If you didn’t mean that, it would have been helpful to spell that out rather than saying how terrible it was that you had to leave because there were children present.

Nobody wants their child to scream the place down, and parents will be trying to calm them down. Normal baby babbling and toddler chitchat is part of life I’m afraid - same as plenty of adults have noisy intrusive laughs, and I’ve had to listen to plenty of rowing couples in public. You can’t expect other people to be silent for you. I wonder if it had been an adult work lunch if you would be on here suggesting all group bookings should be banned? Because those are far noisier and obnoxious IME.

They were absolutely horrible. Of the young children should be seen and not heard brigade. They should go back to the 50’s where they belong. I’m intolerant of anyone who is intolerant of children.

I cannot stand the noise of babies screaming a d yelling in suoermarkets.

Riiight. So what? I shouldn’t go shopping? I should predict when my child will have a shit fit? (Not all that often if you must know, but it happens because he is 2!) I should back out of the shop and leave my shopping while grovelling and apologising for ruining your day?

I'm in the bar area of a pub and they don't let kids in this bit. They are in the restaurant bit. All I can hear is two women bellowing a conversation to each other from 2 tables apart. They'd shatter glass. Bring me the babbling baby!

I once had a day out in Whitby with DS2 who was about a year old. We went into the Magpie Cafe - VERY popular place - and got a seat at a table for 6. Because it was busy we were asked if we’d mind sharing the table and an older lady took a seat at the other end. DS2 was quite possibly the most well behaved I’ve ever known that day, colouring in with crayons, happy as larry. We were eating our lunch as she ordered and she loudly announced that she wasn’t happy being close to such a noisy child (?!). It just so happened that it was the proprietor who was serving that table and she announced in a very loud, room quieting voice that “this is a FAMILY restaurant in which children are very welcome and if you don’t like that then you are quite free to eat elsewhere”. She placed her order and never said another word!

Don’t be a twat. You weren’t there so have no idea the amount of noise they were making. It wasn’t one baby babbling, there was a huge group of them - probably 6/7 mums each with at least one baby or toddler. All of them shouting, dropping noisy toys on the table/floor, some of them crying.

When we went to pay the cafe owner said “ sorry for how noisy it was, it’s not normally this bad “ I explained that I had been in before when it was much quiet and she said that is how she likes it!

They have to learn at some point. You were totally not unreasonable!!!!

It sounds very busy. But if there were 6-7 mums each with 1-2 children, you’re saying there were maybe 15-20 people in one cafe? That’s a hell of a lot of people in one room. How many groups of 15 adults are silent?

The noise level would have been significantly worse if it had been a group of 15-20 people on a raucous work lunch for somebody’s retirement or birthday. It sounds like the issue was that the cafe was very busy, not that there were children present.

Ive just told hubby and even he said they were being total dickheads! Take no notice of stupid people behaving in such a moronic way, clearly they have no children and no idea! Ive got 4 and christ on a bike ive had my fair share of mortifying moments where my kids being noisy are concerned e.g terrible 2s so carry on as you are, being a good mummy and dont worry about other selfish tossers!

You really don't know what was going on in their lives though do you? They could have had anything going on, but they are ignorant twats for not delighting in OPs kids as much as she does?

No, the issue was that all of the children were making a noise. Shouting to each other, crying etc they all had toys that were being banged on the table or being dropped, the mums were oblivious and were busy chatting to each other.

Take no notice of stupid people behaving in such a moronic way

Yet here you are with your disablist language.

No, the issue was that all of the children were making a noise. Shouting to each other, crying etc they all had toys that were being banged on the table or being dropped, the mums were oblivious and were busy chatting to each other

And this is why people get pissed off with parents. Not because people want to banish children and parents from society, but because of the sense of superiority and entitlement of these type of parents - of whom there are many on this thread.

A friend of mine is planning on opening up a coffee shop in our town. It will be combined with a library and a bookshop and will encourage people to come in, work, read, catch up with friends etc. The one thing she is adamant that she won't have is any one under the age of 18. That's not because she is intolerant of children (she has 3) but because she is intolerant of sloppy parenting (her words). I can't wait.

All large groups are noisy. Are you really saying that 20 adults would not be calling out to each other down the table, clinking cutlery and glasses, laughing and talking loudly to each other?

You are minimising the size of the group because some of them were children. If you’d walked in and seen a table of 20 adults having a leaving do, you’d have walked straight back out again because you’d have known they’d be rowdy. And you wouldn’t decide based on that that middle aged men should be banned from cafes because they are all noisy.

But because this group included children, you are extrapolating that the OP, one person, shouldn’t be allowed to take her two children into a cafe because they will make just as much noise as 20 people. Can you really not see why that is unreasonable?

Why can’t you accept that these children were being noisy? That their mums did nothing to stop that noise? I very much doubt has there been the same amount of adults instead of babies and children the noise would have been the same.

Adults don’t persistently bang their toys on the table or keep dropping them for their mums to pick up, they don’t cry continuously getting louder and louder, they don’t shout repeatedly to their friends at their side.

Not the ones that I hang out with anyway. But if it makes you feel better carry on making excuses. You weren’t there so cannot really comment on whether the noise would have been the same if the group were all adults.

However I do think that they should at least try and keep them relatively quiet to some degree when other people are trying to eat too.

The OPs baby is 9 months old. Loud babbling is what they do, it’s a normal developmental stage, important for language acquisition.

It’s not really possible to shut them up. They’ve no understanding of why they should be quiet.

So what should the OP do?

And this is why people get pissed off with parents. Not because people want to banish children and parents from society, but because of the sense of superiority and entitlement of these type of parents - of whom there are many on this thread.

I don’t think I’ve seen any of ‘these type of parents’ on this thread! It isn’t a sense of entitlement to want to occupy the same room as other people?? That is all the people on this thread are saying!
I’m sorry you’ve come across sooooo many terrible parents. It’s odd isn’t it because wherever I go the rarity is the bad parents mostly it’s just folk like me trying to get by and doing all they can to make sure the kids are on best behaviour. Maybe I just am lucky with where I live or maybe some of you are exaggerating...

It isn’t a sense of entitlement to want to occupy the same room as other people??

Well exactly.

There seems to be an implicit assumption that public spaces are for the grown ups and they’ve more right to them than children.

I’m sorry you’ve come across sooooo many terrible parents. It’s odd isn’t it because wherever I go the rarity is the bad parents mostly it’s just folk like me trying to get by and doing all they can to make sure the kids are on best behaviour. Maybe I just am lucky with where I live or maybe some of you are exaggerating...

^Same for me. I've come across far more groups of obnoxious adults, particularly when they've had too much to drink.

@nosauce I worked in restaurants for years. Adults really do make that much noise when in large groups. They mostly tend to drop less food. Mostly.

^ that. As a restaurant manager give me a couple of kids on a table who I'm going to have to pick up squashed peas from, over a crowd of adults roaring loudly any day

Ginnymweasley. (sorry have only just arrived and can't read all 23 pp many apologies)

Poor you Ginny! I had to say, as soon as I read that they only had 1 high chair I was worried about them! The Bustards. They (the café) probably exist for selfish, mean-minded, arrogant twats like the couple who were soooo rude.

I think it's this kind of thing that gives us Brits a bad name. I kind of assumed this is a British scenario from the word "café". Maybe I'm thick - very sorry if so. But this anti-baby attitude is a British thing - strong in the post middle aged imho. Well in my experience in fact. I wish I had been there. To tell them not to be such complete Rs holes. I am becoming very outspoken as I get older and I really hate these "holier than thou" prigs who expect the world to revolve only for them and that nobody else should every breathe too heavily near them and spoil their pleasure. They really get on my tips.

I think you are doing such a lovely thing taking your little man and his big sister out to lunch. Of course he babbles. Of course he shares his food with the floor! It's what being a baby is all about! For me, who will not have any more babies of my own, to see babies when I go out really makes me happy. I would have loved to sit near the three of you!

Please do not let it upset you.

I had a friend who would have said, in a very mild and pleasant voice, "Do not worry, you just bumped into some awkward people."
I think they are shitty people but he wouldn't have said that! However, the way he said it had the knack of making me realise that such people are just not important. Today it rains, tomorrow the sun shines, we carry on, we are the same. You are lovely! Your baby is gorgeous! Your daughter makes you proud! That couple are up themselves...
You are a wonderful mum! Keep taking those two out to lunch. Share them with the world! One day I might meet you and it will make my day. Maybe find somewhere with more high chairs.