Baby in cafe

[Ginnymweasley]

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

@HauntedPencil

Yes, my point exactly. If there were places without crayons then we would go there.

The problem is when there is no choice.

It must be a local issue because honestly I have young children and I go out without them and there are places around that don't have so navy children in. Or in the evening.

There is another thread about an Italian restaurant not allowing under 8s. I think that's fine, as i understand there should be adult only venues and would be happy to avoid.

I think it's unreasonable to expect no children to be in cafes during the daytime, or at Nando's, or in Spoons.

I’m sorry, I call bull on there being a town with not one non chain cafe

@HauntedPencil

Yes, I've been reading that thread. Interesting to see how many people do want child free places to eat.

And if the only places available are the likes of nandos and wetherspoons then parents in them surely need to be a little bit aware that those spaces are being shared with people who don't have children? In the same way as I would expect adults to moderate their behaviour in the presence of children.

@reetgood

Call it all you like but it's true. Apparently rents and rates are too high for independent businesses.

Don’t know where you live but most places if chosen with a little care are usually fine. Sure Giraffe on a Saturday lunchtime or flipping Mac Donalds could be abit hectic but even places like Wagamama’s put families with young kids in one section away from main dining area. Curry houses and Thai type restaurants don’t have many kids whereas pizza places probably less good option if you child phobic

No Giraffe, no Wagamamas, no McDonald's.

With 2 Costas and a starbucks on 1 high street I won't hold my breath waiting for an independent cafe either.

Good to see other's who feel like me on the other thread though.

Maybe you should avoid places with crayons.

^This! Because you know that there will be children eating there, and there will be some noise.

I do have to say, though, when my DDs were the age of the OP's DC, I avoided going to cafes with them, apart from soft play cafes. It wasn't worth the stress!

I eat out a fair bit. Both with and without kids, and my experience is that the most obnoxiously annoying people in cafes/restaurants are other adults.

In fact, I can think of 3 adult examples right now from the last year, and not a single child one.

Children (and mothers) are people too, and they're allowed out of the house, and to make normal, reasonable noise whilst going aboutt their business!

If you’ve chosen to live somewhere with few eating options- I imagine rurally - you can’t then complain about lack of choice! I was using giraffe and Mac Donald’s as kiddietastic places to avoid anyway.

Agree with butter though. A group of 40 something adults talked loudly all the way through a film we saw recently despite being asked to stfu

I’m sorry, I call bull on there being a town with not one non chain cafe

Oh I don’t know, I’ve worked in a few places which have out of town retail parks and not much else.

Little, if you’re in Essex have you tried NT/EH cafes? Weekends will obviously be child-packed, but in a weekday morning they should be pretty empty. Or farm shop cafes, expensive hipster artisanal coffee shops... they may not be right in your local town centre but there will be some within easy travelling distance.

There's no "opposite" in the thread about wanting child-free places to go, it's good to have a selection of places. I've got no problem with DS not being welcome in some restaurants or cafes, that's their business decision and other places make different decisions. I take DS to places with high chairs and changing tables; they've picked their team and it isn't those few adults who want silence.

If you’ve chosen to live somewhere with few eating options- I imagine rurally -

You are so wide of the mark. Not at all rural and I have lived here all of my life so 50 years. It has changed enormously and over the past 10 years there has been a lot of new building so I guess a lot of young families have moved into the area which has completely changed it.

The high street used to have loads of independent shops and restaurants, our only chain was a Wimpy. But big chains started to come in and they forced the independents to close.

We can get the train into London or drive much further out I suppose for more variety but that's not convenient if you just want lunch or a meet up with friends.

Made it to the daily digest, folks!

Is there a link?

Christ, gonna open up a restaurant that actively bans children then all the misery’s can gather together and moan and the rest of us can go about our business without getting sniped at for trying to live

I too wish there were restaurants and cafes that don’t allow children. Then I’d be able to tell miserable soda who can’t stand a bit of babbling where they can fuck off to.

I doubt many places will ban children though as they’d be missing out on a lot of custom.

Sods that should say.

Well done for getting out of the house with two very young kids and introducing them to the nice experiences of life, lunch in a cafe with their Mum and the rest of society. Unfortunately there are some pretty miserable, grumpy gits that form part of that society. F*ck them!! Go out have fun with your children, keep going to cafes and keep letting your kids be kids (anywhere that has a kids menu is Ok)

This really is a British thing. No other nationality detests kids as much as some Brits do. It’s why I rarely holiday in the U.K. now I have children. And the one bad experience I have had abroad was due to an older British couple who point blank refused to sit near us just because we had two young children! My DC’s were perfectly behaved. Not a peep out of them as they quietly ate their dinner. Makes my blood boil.

@nosauce - why didn't you go somewhere else then!? They were all there before you!!?

Omg! YANBU AT ALL! I cannot stand people like that, do they think they just popped out of the womb fully functioning comforming adults?
We’ve all had babies or been babies. As for the comments about not being able to control your children 🤣 I would have plonked my 9month old baby on their table and said “crack on if you think thats a thing” You have every right to be there as a paying customer, and if they don’t like it they can leave.
The only unreasonable thing here is that you apologised. They should be apologising for being such vile human beings.
I hope this doesn’t knock your confidence foing out alone with your DC they are the problem not you. X

I can see both sides - there is a pub where we used to live in London that was family-friendly, and on Sunday afternoons it was like a zoo (primary-aged children running around and screaming). If every local venue was like that one, I’d be pissed off (it was fine at other times, and other pubs hand cafes in the area had children in them but were totally fine, so we just avoided that one pub on sundays).

But some people object to the mere presence of children and babies, regardless of how well-behaved they are. I remember getting on a train with DS when he was about a month old. He was asleep in a sling inside my coat. This woman in the carriage got her phone out and called her friend to complain about how awful it was that “she was stuck on a train next to a BABY, some people have no consideration for others, urgh aren’t children awful with their sticky little fingers and screaming and snot” - DS slept for the whole six minute journey and bothered nobody, she was just being a bitch.

Always hard to judge on these threads whether the child objectors are genuinely being inconvenienced by badly behaved children, or if they just like sticking the boot into new mothers who are going about their business harming nobody.

I’m sorry, I call bull on there being a town with not one non chain cafe

I live in one. There are more than a few of them in Scotland.

For all the people demanding tolerance in public - why is it always towards people with children? Where is the tolerance for people who don't have children, don't have their children with them, or whose children have grown up. Why do they always have to make allowances for parents, when parents are not making allowances for having to share their space with adults who, for whatever reason, do not want to be around children. Or, more accurately, noisy, misbehaving children. And yes. I do know what children are like. I'm childless nit stupid.