Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
teletubbies123 · 10/04/2019 14:30

This is why I find it hard to believe that the baby in the OP was gentling cooing - because people are seeing no problem with a child climbing over furniture and then presenting himself at another table to be entertained.

Is this what the little guy in your head told you and that little guy in your head must be right. Most children are to shy to want entertaining from a stranger and you would know that if you had children yourself. The toddler wants attention from there parent not a complete stranger. The op said she was walking around with him and she did not at any point post he was climbing on furniture.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 14:35

No wonder schools have an epidemic of behaviour problems and the rise of anti social behaviour is through the roof. Children simply can do whatever they like and the rest of the world must simply move out of their way.

Yes, that's it. The loud babbling and the wanton food dropping from a 9 month old are sure signs he'll grow into a hooligan.

For the love of god.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 14:37

I have 2 children thanks both adults now.

And if you had read the posts you would see that we are now talking about another poster and her encounter with a child in Costa.

My point is that if posters think that the child in Costa, doing what he was doing, is fine and that the fault lay with the person quietly doing their work then their bar for what is acceptable or not must be set very low.

Spikeyball · 10/04/2019 14:37

"If you insist that your child has the right to behave however they like then accept that others have the right to complain."

Babies don't behave "however they like". They don't have the level of understanding needed to make a choice.

bellinisurge · 10/04/2019 14:37

Op, I'm very sorry that you have been dealing with PND. I know from personal experience how hard it can be to face cafes with all these other people (particularly parents) who seem to be having an easy time of it.
AIBU is not the thread to explore this point.
Those people were rude although your kids probably annoyed them a bit.
When I see a parent struggling to wrangle a child, I now think "not me today, thank god". I didn't before I had kids.
I don't know you or your kids. Neither do that rather rude couple. I don't know if it was stressful (for you) but controlled chaos - life with kids - or a situation likely to spiral out of control. So they reacted as they did and they shouldn't have.
Take a deep breath. Don't let it put you off.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 14:38

The loud babbling and the wanton food dropping from a 9 month old are sure signs he'll grow into a hooligan.

No but the indulgence of parents too scared to correct their child's behaviour does.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 14:40

Who the fuck would ‘correct’ the behaviour of a babbling nine month old? That’s beyond ridiculous.

Are you just plain trolling now? Confused

Usuallyinthemiddle · 10/04/2019 14:42

Ok, you two. Corners please.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 14:43

We aren't only talking about the child in the OP. I am talking about the child in Costa, you know, the one where you said it was the poster at fault.

MRex · 10/04/2019 14:44

I'm many months into saying."if you don't want it put it here" 3 meals per day. He now does about 50% of the time and he's 13 months. It's hazard a guess that approximately zero 9 month olds have perfected the skill of putting their unwanted food to the edge and not dropping anything by accident.

LordWheresMyShoes · 10/04/2019 14:44

Mumsnet is funny sometimes.

Child makes child noises in child-friendly cafe. Attentive mum does attentive mum things. Couple who don't understand how child friendly spaces work, lose their shit and so too apparently does half of a parenting forum Grin

HJWT · 10/04/2019 14:51

@Ginnymweasley OP PLEASE PLEASE ignore the IDIOTS of Mumsnet, they are the kind of people to sit in a pancake house laughing as loud as possible talking in adult groups and sitting on their phones half an hour after finishing food....

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 14:52

the one where you said it was the poster at fault.

I never once said she was at fault. I even conceded it was an annoying situation across a few posts.

What I (and others) said was that I didn’t understand why she didn’t just move or manage the situation more actively herself.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 15:06

@LaurieMarlow

Your posts are visible you know. You said that the PP shouldn't have used the coffee shop as an office, shouldn't have taken so much stuff and should have moved.

It took you ages to concede that the situation was a bit annoying.

That sounds like you were blaming the poster tbh.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 15:11

You said that the PP shouldn't have used the coffee shop as an office, shouldn't have taken so much stuff and should have moved.

Reading comprehension still an issue I see.

I said if she was using it as an office she wasn’t guaranteed ideal conditions. Yes I said she should have moved in the circs as she needed to help herself.

And I said it was annoying in my very first post to her.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 10/04/2019 15:12

Laurie, ChristmasMouse have a cup of tea and a biscuit! You're both going to be exhausted! Grin
OP - now look what you've done! Wink

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 15:12

This thread just popped up

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3556190-No-children-under-8?pg=2&order=

The absolute polar opposite of this one. Every poster agreeing that some restaurants should be child free.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 15:13

I actually have a cup of tea and a biscuit Blush

Sashkin · 10/04/2019 15:13

LittleChristmas it sounds like the problem is that you live somewhere with very few options for eating out (just a Costa and a Wetherspoons?).

You’ve asked a few times for suggestions for places to eat, I can give you loads of suggestions but they won’t be much help to you because you presumably don’t live in Toronto like I do. You actually see very few children in downtown here, not many families live here due to high property prices (they tend to live in the surrounding commuter towns and suburbs).

Tell us where you live, maybe somebody can suggest somewhere (I find garden centre cafes are generally full of pensioners and empty of toddlers, if that helps).

But yes if you are limiting yourself to Costa and Wetherspoons you are going to encounter children. I find more expensive cafes and bars are less likely to attract families, but it sounds like your area maybe can’t support places like that, which means you will have to travel (just like we have to travel for child-friendly options here).

teletubbies123 · 10/04/2019 15:15

I remember when me, my partner and our baby DD who was 9 months at the time going on a holiday to Jamaica. On the way back this little boy who must of been 2 or 3 was really restless he was running up and down the parents struggled to control him. We didn't take offense or say we spent x amount on this holiday blah blah blah. We found it funny how this little guy was in our words running tings. How boring would we have been if we complained the whole time. Be glad its not you having to deal with the child. Thank god for small mercies.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 15:21

Not only Costa and wetherspoons. There are restaurants but are all the family friendly chains - so nandos, pizza hut, zizzis.

If we wanted a really nice meal we would go into London. I'm more looking for somewhere local to go to for lunch or to meet friends for coffee.

Looking at the thread I have linked to and everyone agrees. I am in Essex by the way.

teletubbies123 · 10/04/2019 15:25

There's a big drug service up in Essex.

HauntedPencil · 10/04/2019 15:34

You can't complain at kids in Wetherspoons when they are actively encouraged there. It's clearly a child friendly venue.

Maybe you should avoid places with crayons.

HauntedPencil · 10/04/2019 15:35

You can't expect a child free dining experience at chain places that actively encourage and court the family market.

funinthesun19 · 10/04/2019 15:35

The kind that's in the cafe to get a break from the kids at home?

Yes because when you get child free time the world instantly revolves around you and a baby should not be allowed to make any sound near you, because YOU have child free time. Hmm

Listen, I’m a mum of 4. They are 8, 6, 4 and 6 months. I love my child free breaks I really do, but fucking hell I realise the world doesn’t stop and there will be other kids if I go out in public! And being a mum myself it’s taught me to be empathetic to other people when their kids make noise/play up/get giddy or excited or god forbid babble if they’re a baby!