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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 13:10

All bar one has strict over 21s policy go there if you’re that bothered

We do go there if we go into London. None near here at all. Only Wetherspoon

EleanorOalike · 10/04/2019 13:14

@teletubbies123

Did you not read my post? I’d had family turn up to stay with me because their kids were off school, my house was full of extra people and kids. I’m a single woman living alone, I don’t have much space.

And I know I can’t dictate what other people do.

You really don’t think it’s unreasonable for a woman to allow her poorly behaved child to pick the one table in a restaurant next to a person who was working when she could have went to any other table in an empty cafe? It was really me that shouldn’t have been there?

MarthasGinYard · 10/04/2019 13:20

I think the extremely offended are probably the perpetrators.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 10/04/2019 13:22

I can't believe this is still going round in circles!
OP: AIBU? Child loud, walking round table, throwing food
PP1: I don't mind kids
PP2: I'm not keen
OP: He wasn't loud. I never said loud. Or throwing. Or grumpy.
PP2: You do just as you like. I love kids
PP1: I'm not keen but I would move away from you.
OP: well, I just won't leave the house ever again, huff. I'll picnic in minus 2 on my own.
Repeat. Repeat.
Trying to give a balanced view really is futile on here! Nobody listens or takes on board anyone else's point of view. There should be a channel for "I'm right and I know it." And one where people just complain about each other and never concede a point...

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 13:24

Eleanor I don't think the fact that you were working is relevant. It's not an office space, you take your chances. I'm speaking as one who loves to work in coffee shops, but I know my needs there don't trump anyone else's.

If you really need dedicated, quiet space and your home isn't suitable, then you'd need to rent somewhere.

Taking the seat next to you when the place is empty is annoying in any circumstances (public transport in particular). But there's nothing actually wrong with it. People are entitled to sit where they like.

So I think you've a right to be a bit irritated by her failure to read social cues and utilise the space, but that's it. If that happens to me, I just move and don't think anything more of it.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 13:25

I can't believe this is still going round in circles!

Welcome to AIBU.

MarthasGinYard · 10/04/2019 13:27

Usually yes I absolutely agree.

I do also sometimes think an OP's can be the watered down version of what really happened with 'little Tommy' and their antics.

misskatamari · 10/04/2019 13:27

Honestly OP, you don't sound at all unreasonable, please don't let this get to you. You were in a child friendly cafe - there are going to be kids there. You were trying your best to keep your son calm and entertained. The couple were just rude.

I'm absolutely shocked at the comments about not letting babies drop food. Surely that's normal? So many kids are baby led weaned now, it's part and parcel of it. As long as you pick it up and clean up after your child I really don't see the issue at all.

Millimollimandi · 10/04/2019 13:27

I think part of the problem (I have 2 kids, now grown) is that when you have babblers you get so used to the noise you don't realise how loud it is. To you it is 'normal' to them (no kids, grown up, short memories) it is unbelievably loud. Not right or wrong, but rude of them to be so obvious!

EleanorOalike · 10/04/2019 13:28

@LaurieMarlow...ok then where could I rent in a small town with no library for two hours once in my entire lifetime because I had family staying for three days?

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 10/04/2019 13:31

I have been told to take a picnic by a few posters.
I have mentioned my previous pnd. Things like this really do play on my mind. I always feel like I'm one bad week away from slipping back. I have at times found it so hard to leave the house that it has definitely impacted how I live my life.
He wasnt walking alone he cant walk. He walked about a meter holding onto my hands around the edge of the corner table. He wasnt screaming I never said he was. He got grumpy at first so I entertained him this led to the loud babbling. Again not saying he was quiet but he wasnt screaming. If people think I was unreasonable that's fine but to make it out i was letting him scream and run riot is just not true and not what i said at all.

OP posts:
LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 13:31

So I think you've a right to be a bit irritated by her failure to read social cues and utilise the space, but that's it.

When did we think that it's quite fine to be utterly selfish? The PP was having no impact on anyone. No noise nothing. Her needs weren't trumping anyone else's unless the mum and her child had a need to interfere with a stranger, stare at her work or talk to her. What need was the pp trumping?

Why is it so offensive to ask patents to keep their own children at their own table? That is just such a bizarre attitude - oh the mum didn't read social cues. No. The mum and her child were rude and had no manners.

EleanorOalike · 10/04/2019 13:33

@Ginnymweasley a lot of us have said it sounds like the couple were wrong and you did all you could. Please don’t take the exaggerations and people attacking you for no reason to heart and don’t let it stop you going out Flowers

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 13:34

ok then where could I rent in a small town with no library for two hours once in my entire lifetime because I had family staying for three days?

Sorting out workspace is your problem.

All I'm saying is that cafes are not offices and while it can be a great solution to work there (as I say, I love it) they don't guarantee you ideal conditions.

Either you can live with that and take your chances, or you sort something else.

EleanorOalike · 10/04/2019 13:37

I guess that’s my point @LittleChristmasMouse, in both of my examples the adults behaved in an utterly selfish and unreasonable manner whilst we, the people who were affected, put up with having our time ruined. But the tendency on this thread is to blame the people it affected and not really acknowledge the selfish behaviour or lack of common-sense.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 10/04/2019 13:38

If you're worried about PND, AIBU isn't the kindest place to be! If you ask, you're going to get responses and a bun fight. There's no consideration or tolerance in this town! Or sensible debate.

HomeMadeMadness · 10/04/2019 13:39

Yeah you really can't expect office conditions in a cafe. You'd have to use a library or find some other solution. It's not for everyone else to stay in doors because someone doesn't have a suitable work space.

ethelfleda · 10/04/2019 13:42

This thread is ridiculous.

I look at it like this - the only place that I have any say over who is allowed and who isn’t is my own home. My land. When you leave that place, I’m afraid you’re likely to encounter something that might annoy you. If that thing isn’t illegal, there is fuck all you can do but try to avoid it.
That’s how it works.
If I encounter something that irritates me - I see that as totally my problem, not theirs. And I adjust my behaviour accordingly.

HomeMadeMadness · 10/04/2019 13:46

@ethelfleda

To be fair that's bonkers. You can't decide who comes into a cafe but there is a minimum standard of consideration expected of anyone who enters a public place the argument is where that line lies. Allowing children to run around a cafe and make excessive noise is bad behaviour on the part of a parent. Playing loud music through your phone without headphones would be bad behaviour. It isn't for me to adjust my behaviour is someone is being inconsiderate. However if someone is behaving reasonably e.g. baby dropping a few bits of food on the floor, people having normal conversations etc and you're still irritated THEN it's your problem.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 13:49

But EleanorOalike wasn't asking for office conditions. She was asking for the child to not be allowed to climb over the chairs near her or to be allowed to come over and disturb her papers.

What is wrong with his mum having him at her table? His own mum talking to him? Why is it the poster's job to entertain someone else's child?

And the point is there are no libraries and there are no adult only spaces so we do all need to share the space. Which means not invading others space and not allowing children to pester strangers.

This is why I find it hard to believe that the baby in the OP was gentling cooing - because people are seeing no problem with a child climbing over furniture and then presenting himself at another table to be entertained. If you think that is fine then you have no appreciation for how you impact other people.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 13:56

She was asking for the child to not be allowed to climb over the chairs near her or to be allowed to come over and disturb her papers.

So she had the options of

A) Speaking to the mother and/or child

B )Talking to a staff member
C) Moving

She didn't do any of these things. Sometimes you have to manage the situation.

ethelfleda · 10/04/2019 13:58

homemade
Exactly - the argument is where that line lies. And who decides? What one person thinks is responsible behaviour, another person thinks is inconsiderate? So who has the final say?
IMO, it would be the proprietor. You don’t like something that is happening then complain to the owner. They decide to do something, or they don’t. Ultimately it is them who would lose potential business. And them who has the actual say on who and who isn’t allowed on their premises. They can decide to run a cafe with no children allowed if they want to!

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 14:12

Speaking to the mother and/or child

As this thread proves, you simply cannot talk to the mother and can you imagine if anyone dared to talk to the child?

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 14:18

you simply cannot talk to the mother

Who knows, I think there’s a good chance they’d be fine with it.

She had two further options.

To be fair, I think the cafe staff would have simply suggested she move (and helped her with her stuff).

And that’s probably the answer.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 14:27

No wonder schools have an epidemic of behaviour problems and the rise of anti social behaviour is through the roof.

Children simply can do whatever they like and the rest of the world must simply move out of their way.

Swipe left for the next trending thread