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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
Dana28 · 10/04/2019 12:48

often want to treat us to a meal out when we visit. We always go somewhere family friendly at around 12pm ish for lunch. Should families not go out in this situation because of the young children.
But that's p a completely different situation to the one you describe. There are multiple adults in this example who can take the child out if they are being a nuisance. In your ok there was just you trying to manage two children and it just wasn't possible for you to do this without annoying others. I don't think you should take children out if you can't do so without encroaching on the enjoyment of others. Bring sandwiches

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 12:48

christmas got great advice here

The answer for you is to go to a higher priced quiet restaurant, or eat outside baby lunchtime (11.30-1 is when almost every young child eats, just eat earlier or later), or go for dinner instead, or go to a less family friendly pub, or go to a restaurant with an upstairs and sit there (no pushchairs!), or look inside the cafe before you go in and either pick another venue, or get a quiet table away from families... You're the one being unreasonable by expecting public spaces to be quiet when you choose, so you should make a teeny tiny effort to avoid inconvenience that only upsets you. I strongly suspect you prefer moaning though, so you won't do anything to help yourself.

But I agree that she’d prefer to just whinge.

Or if, as she seems to be asserting, she lives in a total nappy valley then she should consider moving.

HenSolo · 10/04/2019 12:49

For goodness sakes. Yes there will always be people who don’t try to watch or look after their kids. That’s true and they should be more considerate - again, that. Is. Not. What. Happened. Here.
Op was made to feel like shit despite doing her best to keep disruption to a minimum. How is it fair that she and the rest of us doing our best are tarred with the same brush??

singme · 10/04/2019 12:49

YANBU OP. That couple sound grumpy and rude!

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 12:50

Eleanor I’ve been in your situation quite a few times and I moved.

I didn’t say that you were the problem. Bit given the circs, I think moving would have been sensible.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 12:52

My point is there aren't only a couple of places. There are lots, including 2 costas about 3 minutes walk from each other, a pub and half a dozen at least chain restaurants yet they are all have at least a dozen young children in them pretty much non stop throughout the day.

My 80 odd year old dad doesn't want to go out at night and why should he? People wouldn't have half as much of an issue if children were confined to their parents table and had to watch screens with sound off or headphones in. That alone would make a big difference. One child babbling isn't a huge noise, mix it with peppa pig and other assorted cartoons playing 10 times over, plus kids running about and shouting and a few babies crying - it's not difficult to see how that noise is overwhelming for people without children.

If you insist that your child has the right to behave however they like then accept that others have the right to complain.

teletubbies123 · 10/04/2019 12:53

EleanorOalike

If I was working I would want peace and quiet and a cafe would not satisfy those needs. Here's an idea a library would accommodate all of my needs.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 10/04/2019 12:54

Once again I have been told to take a picnic so when it's cold I have to make children sit outside and eat cause some people don't like babies. And we wonder why mothers feels judged all the time. At least my dd starts school in September so it will only be school holidays I will be juggling both of them....

OP posts:
bellinisurge · 10/04/2019 12:55

They were a bit rude but a child allowed to wander in a busy restaurant always pisses me off. They don't know you had the situation under control. It would have put me on edge and somewhat spoiled my meal if I was sitting next to a space with a wandering toddler. Again, your perspective might have been different and I certainly wouldn't say anything having had experience of toddler wrangling myself.
They were rude.

EleanorOalike · 10/04/2019 12:56

Thanks for the sage wisdom @teletubbies123 but since this government came into power my town no longer has a library. I intentionally picked a Costa on the outskirts of town because it’s always quiet and until the woman arrived I was the only person there.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 12:56

If you insist that your child has the right to behave however they like

What people have said is that a nine month old has the right to act like a normal nine month old in public.

He’s not old enough to understand social rules for older children. He’s just doing what 9 months olds do.

MarthasGinYard · 10/04/2019 12:56

Eleanor

That sounds a bloody nitemare especially given all the empty tables.

A bit like the idiots that choose to park on top of you in empty car parks.

MRex · 10/04/2019 12:56

@EleanorOalike - then ask a waiter for help or make a couple of trips? You could also ask the mother to control the toddler at the time the kid is disruptive if you think she hasn't realised? I have to confess to rolling my eyes that you criticised that mum went up to get food and drink leaving the toddler sitting down; how was she supposed to carry her coat, bags, toddler, food and drink - when you couldn't manage that minus a toddler?

teletubbies123 · 10/04/2019 12:57

EleanorOalike

Its a public space what do you expect you cant dictate to people where they can and cant sit because it is inconvenient for you.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 12:59

Here's an idea a library would accommodate all of my needs.

If only the libraries hadn't been closed due to council funding heh?

prettyhibiscusflowers · 10/04/2019 12:59

Yanbu.
I only have one dd but if anyone wishes to moan about her whilst we are out, they can moan away. I’ve spent years listening to other people’s kids.
Also, some of these people (if they had children) forget their children were young once.

teletubbies123 · 10/04/2019 13:00

Do you not have a quiet room at home?

HenSolo · 10/04/2019 13:01

Right I’m off out to the park with my two. There’s a cafe in the park but I’d better not go there in case I upset some people. Or, I’m allowed to go there if I muzzle my children and don’t allow them to step more then two inches away from me. If they happen to drop food I should make them feel like shit about it so they never do it again. But mustn’t tell them off too loudly or I am performance parenting. If my 2 year old peeps over his chair and grins at someone and tries to show them his food I must tell him not to disturb others. If anyone loudly criticises me I must meekly remove my children from the playground cafe and under no circumstances react for fear of seeming an out of control woman.

Am I doing it right?

Flatwhite32 · 10/04/2019 13:03

@Ginnymweasley I'm not long back from a cafe this morning with my nearly 9 month old DD who adores being in a high chair. She was squealing with happiness/excitement and it made me think of this thread! Thankfully everyone around us was lovely and smiled at her. People who complain about a baby being a baby have no idea!

bellinisurge · 10/04/2019 13:05

Chill out @HenSolo . Just don't let them wander around getting under everyone's feet. As long as they aren't doing that, no one cares.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 13:06

How can any of you defend that woman in costa who let her child climb over furniture and disturb the PP who was working?

How can it be PPs fault - you should have moved, not been working there, gone to a non existant library, not expect to dictate where people sit?

The mum was wrong. No ifs or ands. You do not let your child do that. And you don't make that complete lack of manners someone else's fault. And then you wonder why people like me have the opinions that I do? Because I see the behaviour described by the PP multiple times when I go out and no one is allowed to say anything about it.

SVRT19674 · 10/04/2019 13:07

My daughter is 8 months and she babbles from time to time. They are babies and behave like babies. I am unrepentant. If its not a child free venue, if they dont like they can move. Different kettle of fish if we are talking about 8 year olds.

HenSolo · 10/04/2019 13:08

Hahahahhaaa bellinisurge you seem to have missed the rest of the thread

And I’m perfectly chilled thanks having a lovely day with my angels (they’re napping before anyone tells me off for being on my phone Grin)

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 13:08

Hensolo I think you’ve covered it all, but do remember that performance parenting can manifest in the way you ‘look around the room’ so best to keep eyes down at all times Wink

MsTSwift · 10/04/2019 13:08

All bar one has strict over 21s policy go there if you’re that bothered

My kids older too when we see people like op dh and I exchange looks of relief that we through that stage and life is now so much easier !

There are some feral families with useless parents but most are doing their best. We live on a crowded island and have to rub along together - perfect silent office conditions ain’t gonna happen in a coffee shop. Never understood people going there to concentrate