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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 09:28

To you, entitlement only goes one way.

That’s categorically not true. All the OP is asking is for her child to be in a cafe and act like a regular 9 month old.

If you can’t tolerate that you are the entitled one.

To insist that your child has the right to shout or throw food is entitlement.

Babbling and dropping food is normal nine month old behaviour. Honestly, educate yourself. Lots of book and web pages out there.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 09:42

Babbling and dropping food is normal nine month old behaviour. Honestly, educate yourself. Lots of book and web pages out there.

I don't need to educate myself. I've had 2 children. No they didn't throw food in restaurants. And maybe you need to educate yourself on why some people find being around children and lots of noise is difficult. All the " if you don't like it stay at home" is entitlement. You say yourself that kids shouting, running around and going up to tables isn't on but that happens all of the time. So plenty of parents are entitled when it comes to their children and how they behave in public. But no one is allowed to say anything.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 09:46

I don’t think the OP said he threw food. And even if that word was used, as someone else pointed out it’s a baby, not a fucking javelinist. He wouldn’t be doing it maliciously. As you would know if you had any understanding of baby development.

Children are a part of society christmas. I’m afraid people have to deal with seeing and hearing them in public places.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 10/04/2019 09:49

Both my children have dropped food while eating both at home and out. Especially at 9 months. I must be a terrible parent.... if he waves his hand with food un it sometimes it flies out of his hand. It doesnt go far cause hes 9 months. I pick the food up. He hasn't fully worked out eating yet which I was sure was normal at 9 months

OP posts:
Wallsbangers · 10/04/2019 09:49

YANBU. Our toddler has been going to cafes since he was 5 days old, I'm not going to stop because he might be a bit noisy or messy (he was BLW so was very messy!) I like coffee and relatively clean toilets with baby change facilities, both of which are in cafes.

That said I did do a massive huff about a baby on a plane who was screaming entirely forgetting I was 6 months pregnant and next year that would be me. Grin

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 09:54

Yes and other people are part of society too - the elderly or people wearing hearing aids who for some, loud screeches are painful, other people with hearing difficulties who can't have a conversation because they cannot hear above loud background noise - all of those people also need to be able to be out and about too.

And the OP has used "throwing" alternated with dropping, so who knows. We have sat in places with toddlers literally throwing - chips, spaghetti...while the parents sit smiling indulgently at their child and then get up and leave the table and chairs covered in food and spilt drink.

HolesinTheSoles · 10/04/2019 09:57

@LittleChristmasMouse

You're being ridiculous and deliberately misleading. OP's child didn't throw food so you plain lied. the baby dropped a bit of food. I've dropped food in a restaurant before.

He didn't shout he babbled - it happens young children make a bit of noise. People can suck it up.

I was sat next to an elderly woman and a man I assume was her son a few weeks ago the lady was clearly struggling to hear and a bit confused to the point she was almost shouting at her son and he had to raise his voice to make himself heard too. Maybe I should have made a massive fuss and insisted they left the cafe?

Dana28 · 10/04/2019 10:03

You said at the beginning of your post that your baby gets grumpy as soon as he starts moving. So maybe taking him into a cafe wasn't the best plan. To be honest I would find a baby shouting and walking around the tables irritating.

Dana28 · 10/04/2019 10:04

@HolesinTheShoes op says in her first post he was shouting!

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 10:06

Shouty babble is normal at 9 months. They’re not upset, just trying out their sounds.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 10:06

I'm not lying @HolesinTheSoles. This is just 1 example of the OP saying he threw the food. She has been switching between throwing and dropping, as has been mentioned by other posters. I don't know which is an accurate description because I wasn't there.

As for the throwing food I honestly don't know when it becomes a throw, he doesnt do it on purpose but sometimes it looks like he throws it.

TallMushroom · 10/04/2019 10:08

Wow people really think children should be seen and not heard! You were not unreasonable at all... babies have as much right to be out in the world as anyone else. Such a sad stare of affairs that people can’t try to be understanding

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 10:08

all of those people also need to be able to be out and about too.

Yes, but they don’t have more rights than small children to be out and about, which is what you’re suggesting. Society is large and complex, everyone needs to rub along as best they can together.

Banning normally behaved babies from cafes is no kind of answer.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 10:11

Babies at this age drop/throw food. It doesn’t particularly matter what you call it. They do it because they can’t always hold it reliably, because it’s fun, because they’re learning that things fall when they let go.

It’s not malicious, the OP can’t do anything about it, it’s really not a big deal.

Spikeyball · 10/04/2019 10:15

My son gets distressed by baby noise to the point of hurting himself but I wouldn't expect those with babies to not go in cafes because of this.
I would be annoyed if someone's baby was screaming whilst they leisurely chatted and took their time but it doesn't sound like this was the case.
My son can be noisy and drop food because of disability. Should he not go to cafes either? ( Of course he should)

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 10:16

Wow people really think children should be seen and not heard! You were not unreasonable at all... babies have as much right to be out in the world as anyone else. Such a sad stare of affairs that people can’t try to be understanding

I don't think children should be seen or not heard. I just don't think they should be able to go everywhere, leaving no choice for people who find it hard to be around them, for whatever reason.

How about some understanding for those people too? That there should be some places where people can go to that doesn't resemble a creche? I know a lady who has hearing difficulties and she can't hear with a lot of background noise so she can't follow a conversation. We can't go to places with loud music or that are really busy, we can't go to any local coffee shops, cafes or the pub because they are the meeting places for groups of mums and kids so we stay at home. That's really isolating for her. Where's a bit of consideration for her? Or for old people like my dad? He finds all of the noise and bustle, especially little ones running around overwhelming. Does he have to stay at home too? People in public spaces can't just behave however they want and expect others to have to tolerate it.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 10:20

Yes, but they don’t have more rights than small children to be out and about, which is what you’re suggesting.

No they don't have more rights. But you are suggesting that mums and children have more rights than anyone else. It's about considering other people isn't it? The OP has said a couple of times how is she supposed to take the baby outside while her daughter is eating. So even if the baby had been screaming at the top of his lungs, the OP would have stayed because her daughter was eating. Then that isn't fair to anyone else in there is it?

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 10:20

I don't think children should be seen or not heard. I just don't think they should be able to go everywhere, leaving no choice for people who find it hard to be around them, for whatever reason

You see their needs to participate in society as lesser. I think that’s awful. Thankfully the law generally doesn’t agree with you.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 10:22

So even if the baby had been screaming at the top of his lungs, the OP would have stayed because her daughter was eating.

The situation didn’t arise and the OP never said she would stay under all circumstances.

You are extrapolating massively.

gairytoes · 10/04/2019 10:23

YANBU OP. If anyone is irritated by the presence of another human being then I think they are probably the ones who should be having lunch in their own kitchen.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 10:25

You see their needs to participate in society as lesser. I think that’s awful. Thankfully the law generally doesn’t agree with you.

How is saying some places should be adults only seeing children's need to participate in society as lesser? How?

What you are saying is that other people's needs are lesser - even if those needs are borne of illness or disability (as I explained above).

There are plenty of places that children and babies can go to. Why can't there be some places where adults can go that doesn't have children running around?

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 10:26

So what do you actually suggest christmas? Segregated cafes? Or all cafes to be child free? Or what?

gairytoes · 10/04/2019 10:27

If it was somebody with dementia or a learning disability that was making noise or dropping food would that be an issue too?

We are all members of society FFS, show some compassion.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 10:30

The situation didn’t arise and the OP never said she would stay under all circumstances.

Someone said that maybe she should take him outside if he was being too noisy and the OP said how can she take him outside because she is on her own and her daughter is eating. That the OP would leave her food but her dd needs to eat. Well none of that would change even if the baby were screaming - dd would still be eating, OP would still be on her own there so it's not a huge leap to think that she would remain even if he were screaming.

As for how to stop babies throwing food in a restaurant - you don't give them food to throw, you feed them yourself. Finger foods and them feeding themselves is fine at home and when you are out you feed them.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 10/04/2019 10:31

If he had been screaming I would have rushed my dd and tried to leave asap. But he wasnt screaming

OP posts: