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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
hopelesslyromantic93 · 10/04/2019 08:44

Threads like this make me sad and really anxious to go out with my little girl who is only 15 weeks and is definitely not a baby who cries a lot. I understand the annoyance if the parents are letting their kids run wild but to get so annoyed at a child babbling? If you can't deal with noise go somewhere else. It's horrible to make parents feel bad, like it isn't hard enough to pluck the courage up to go out on your own with kids!

Prequelle · 10/04/2019 08:44

It's a cafe. They tend to be small. Someone walking up and down when you're sat down trying to eat isn't pleasant. Not sure why that's hard to understand. It would be annoying if it was a person strolling about on their own, the fact they have a kid doesn't magically make it better.

Sirzy · 10/04/2019 08:45

With those ages I would be planning for picnics and things to be honest just to make it less stressful for you if out alone.

Barbie222 · 10/04/2019 08:46

If he was babbling a bit, I wouldn't have minded. But throwing food and toys, no. I'd have complained too. Sounds like too naice a cafe for kids this age....

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 08:47

Managing a child’s behaviour is obviously different to managing an adult’s prequelle. Kids that age like to move. She was doing it in a corner. Take yourself elsewhere if it bothers you so much.

Ginnymweasley · 10/04/2019 08:52

So picnics in the city? That's my option with 2 kids. I was walking him from one side of a corner table to the other, we didn't go near the other tables in fact the table that complained I had my back to most of the time. I cant stop him dropping food or toys when he is excited. Hes just to little to have full control of his hands atm. It's good to know that many people don't want little children in cafes. I'm lucky our local cafe is very welcoming to babies and toddlers I suppose

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 08:54

So picnics in the city? That's my option with 2 kids

Nah, not in this weather, it’s freezing. Smile

Carry on, ignore the nay sayers. You have as much right to be there as anyone else.

Buddytheelf85 · 10/04/2019 08:58

He really isn't a bad baby just a normal 9 month old.

Don’t mean to sound harsh but it’s ridiculous that you should feel the need to say he’s not a ‘bad’ baby. Of course he’s not! He’s 9 months old! There are no such things as ‘bad’ babies! It’s not like he looked around the room and thought, I’m going to babble really loudly and to hell with all these other people here (like many idiot adults do).

outpinked · 10/04/2019 08:59

YANBU. They either never had children of their own or have completely forgotten what it was like to have young children. You meet a mixed bag of individuals in public with children, most are lovely and understanding but sadly some are cantankerous and rude.

You had every right to be there and had already ordered so they should have been the ones to leave if it bothered them so much.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 09:01

Babbling loudly, dropping food and toys are just what 9 months olds do. They’re normal developmental things.

To suggest that the OP should have managed him better is profound ignorance.

madeyemoodysmum · 10/04/2019 09:01

It’s very hard when yr in that baby stage to realise the impact a baby has on others.

I’m sure I was the same to some extent but now if I see toddlers and babies in cages I’ll go elsewhere or choose a table a long way back.

I don’t hate babies but once you have been through it you don’t really want to pay good money to listen to others.

madeyemoodysmum · 10/04/2019 09:02

Cages GrinBlush I meant cafes

CornishMaid1 · 10/04/2019 09:03

I don't like being sat next to noisy children with parents who are ignoring them - the ones letting kids run riot and scream while they ignore the kids and chat/play on their phones are the worst.

That was not you.

If they didn't want to be sat next to children then they should not have sat at that table in the first place and should have sat somewhere else, rather than make a scene.

Science9 · 10/04/2019 09:03

Yanbu! How can you 'control' a nine month old Hmm Miserable old gits!

Buddytheelf85 · 10/04/2019 09:04

The other big issue here is gender equality. Men, here in the UK at least, rarely have to consider these dilemmas at all. They entirely bypass them, despite these being their children too. They are seldom placed in the position of having to juggle small children in public places while dealing with the judgement of strangers. The OP has said that her own husband is only home one day a week. They really have very little understanding of this world and how stressful and tiring it can be.This is one of the many reasons I am pushing for my husband to take a month (which is not long in the overall scheme!) Parental leave when our son is born. He needs to understand this world, face these stresses and learn to deal with them and realise it is by no means a cakewalk!

This. One thousand times. This issue isn’t really about babies or noise, it’s about misogyny. But, tbh, I don’t think your DH will face these stresses in the same way even though he’ll take a month SPL. I bet any money that if the OP’s DH had been there alone with the two children, this incident wouldn’t have happened. There’d have been fond smiles and mutterings about what a nice man he is to babysit his kids.

HenSolo · 10/04/2019 09:04

user1493413286 I seem to be an entitled mum too, wanting to take my kids out. Shall we start a club? Grin

We apparently need to clear something up for the grumps who aren’t bothering to read before criticising - SHE WAS NOT WALKING HER BABY ROUND THE CAFE IT WAS AROUND HER TABLE

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2019 09:06

Grin at made

That’s not a universal sentiment though. I’ve always liked seeing babies, even before I had my own.

Though I’m from Ireland and the attitude towards children is quite different to the UK. Much more welcoming.

Ginnymweasley · 10/04/2019 09:08

My dh did actually take them out a few weeks ago and somebody did actually come up to him and tell him he was such a good dad for taking his children out alone. No one has ever said that to me!!

OP posts:
Dimsumlosesum · 10/04/2019 09:11

People, all people from all walks and types, will have an opinion. Bad, good, negative, positive. Was it illegal to be there with children? No. Did you yourself feel like your done nothing wrong? No - then you act on that. I was once in a queue with my then 3 year old and some old woman decided me telling my child what a queue was and why we line up was bad. In that kind of situation - you either apologise or you don't, right? It's up to you. If it's not illegal/banned, you deal with the social consequences yourself how you see fit. Growing a thick skin, I guess it's called.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 09:12

Seriously, people need to check their own entitlement. You’re not king of the world, kids have a right to be in public spaces too.

See this is the problem. To you, entitlement only goes one way. Kids aren't king of the world either and other people do have the right to eat their food or drink a coffee in a bit of peace.

To insist that your child has the right to shout or throw food is entitlement.

Mums on here saying I can't just stay cooped up indoors all day, I need to get out - yes, and so do other people who are finding it equally tough at home.

OP none of us were there. We don't know, as someone else said, what the situation was. Your baby might have been perfectly angelic, sat there making cooing noise and quietly babbling. You yourself though say he was shouting and getting excited. Maybe the customers were idiots who were expecting the place to be like a library or maybe the noise coming from your table was too much. How old were they? You don't know what's going on in their lives and what else is going on for them.

You ask about what can you do with 2 little ones - I had 2 and no, we didn't go out to restaurants or cafes until they much older unless I had another adult with me so that I could take 1 outside if necessary. If we went out alone it was to child friendly places like soft play, parks, play groups.

As I've said earlier, there are no places to go in my town that are a bit quieter for any people who want that so their choice no longer exists. Imagine if the boot were on the other foot and every pub, cafe and coffee shop refused to let children in?

If you know your baby wasn't making too much noise then don't let the comments of the people in the cafe affect you. They were offended by the noise your child was making, you were offended by their comments.

MRex · 10/04/2019 09:15

@Barbie222 - throwing food and toys is what all babies do at that age, it's a normal development stage, how utterly ridiculous to suggest it isn't. Unless he's a future Jonny Wilkinson the airborne food will all have gone within half a metre of his chair; some might feasibly roll further, but it really doesn't fly far. If restaurants want to ban babies and toddlers then they can, until then it's perfectly valid for mums to have lunch. I always go to specific places I know and ask to sit in a quiet area, but in my favourite cafes the staff love playing with DS because they've seen him grow up over the year. I've had to ask them not to return his toys before so he learns not to throw them (but usually one does anyway so they can get an extra smile from him). I just do a scoop-up at the end and apologise to the staff if there's anything wet to clean.

It's just what babies do, if you don't like children then sit in another part of the cafe or go elsewhere. Screaming or going up to other tables badgering would be a problem, I'd take DS outside to calm down if he was being actually anti-social and would expect other mums to do the same. I should clarify that tiny baby (

bookworm14 · 10/04/2019 09:17

FFS. I am sick of the implication that women (and yes, it is always aimed at mothers, not fathers) should never be seen in public with small children unless they can ensure their total silence. Small children make noise. Yes, you should stop kids from running about, shouting and causing a nuisance, but this does not mean that they should be kept entirely silent or stopped from going out in public at all. This bitter, joyless attitude seems peculiar to the uk, for some reason.

Flatwhite32 · 10/04/2019 09:22

@MRex well said!

Ginnymweasley · 10/04/2019 09:24

I am trying to let it not bother me. It's not as simple as just only going out when I have another adult with me as 6 days a week I am the only adult. And when its wet or cold sometimes it's nice to go inside and get a warm drink.

OP posts:
animaginativeusername · 10/04/2019 09:27

YADNBU, children make sounds. If they didn't like it they could leave