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AIBU?

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Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
Claw01 · 09/04/2019 23:43

littlechristmas I stated in my earlier post, my son has Autism, he cannot stand noise, particularly baby noise. We avoid babies!

Wetherspoons is always a big no, just really noisy in general. Coffee shops, like Starbucks etc are not too bad, for a drink. Pubs which serve food are usually ok. Certain cafes tend to attract more babies/kids, we avoid these.

Or we have early/late lunch to avoid busier times.

Or we avoid sitting next to babies! Or if we walk in and it’s packed, we walk out and find a quieter, less packed place!

Usuallyinthemiddle · 09/04/2019 23:47

littlemouse I'm with you on that. Aside from my own, I'm not that great with kids and I find it quite hard work to do more than smile or wave. I'll be polite to them. But I don't want to engage with them. It's very uncomfortable when they are staring at you while you eat and trying to chat. I get that some people find it cute. I'm just not one of them! But, I'll be polite. And try to be kind!

LittleChristmasMouse · 09/04/2019 23:50

Exactly. And that is all we have - costa, starbucks, wetherspoons, nandos, - there's no choice for people like your son or my dad who doesn't tolerate noisy children very well anymore. He still has the right to go out though doesn't he?

It should be horses for courses - family friendly places where people don't mind noise or adult only places where you haven't got children shouting, tinny cartoons playing on phones and little ones running about. Then people can choose the best place for them. No conflict.

whiteroseredrose · 09/04/2019 23:59

Poor OP. I doubt you or your DC did anything wrong. You sat in the corner in a child friendly cafe.

Some people don't like DC much and some look back on their own DC's childhood with Rose coloured spectacles!

Claw01 · 10/04/2019 00:03

Cafes, pubs, coffee shops, restaurants etc near me are not usually inundated with babies tbh!

The unavoidable, uncontrollable shouty/babbling stage seems to be from about 7 months old to what about a year? The chances of every cafe, pub, coffee shop etc being full of 7 month to 1 year olds isn’t likely!

BlueSlipperSocks · 10/04/2019 00:05

But previous posters have told me I should have got him to stop shouting by now and stopped him dropping food. He doesnt throw it as in on purpose sometimes he waves it around and it flies out of his hand. Does that count as throwing

Ok...so now you say your baby was shouting and dropping throwing food. That's very different from normal baby babbling OP. You make no mention of picking up the food your baby dropped threw under the table.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 00:05

Unfortunately it is like that here. It's where groups of mums meet. Either mornings, lunchtime or early afternoon. Then another wave after school.

llangennith · 10/04/2019 00:08

Make a packed lunch for your DC every morning and take it with you when you go out for the day. That way you have lunch and snacks with you. If you go into a cafe you can order for yourself then sit down and let DC eat their food. Leave the baby in his pushchair while he's eating his finger food lunch then you can enjoy your coffee.
If I went into a cafe with my baby DC or DGC and they started acting up we left quite quickly. For everyone's sake!

Claw01 · 10/04/2019 00:24

little I can sympathise, my step dad is 86. He doesn’t like being around little ones. It would drive him insane! We generally travel to have lunch, so we have more places to choose from. My step dad wouldn’t eat in a cafe.

Child free cafes sounds ok. However, my son is a child Grin

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 00:31

It is difficult. My dad is 83. I think they are just past being around very little children.

I don't think most people mean to be nasty about it, it's just conflicting needs yet often there's no choice for people wanting somewhere a bit quieter.

I do sympathise. We've done our child rearing and now you feel like you want to move on a bit and eat in a restaurant or go to a pub with adults.

Claw01 · 10/04/2019 00:42

little I have noticed here, cafes tend to cater for OAPS with discounts and menu geared to more adult taste or extensive child menus. The OAP discounted ones, tend to outweigh the child ones in my local high street.

Also pubs here don’t tend to have any babies or very young toddlers in. We have a dog pub!

Maybe we have a high percentage of older people!

Anyhow, it’s past my old bed time Grin night x

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 00:55

Yeah, the city where my kids live have loads of pubs and independent cafes and restaurants and some of those don't have children but where we live just isn't like that. Only 1 pub (all others have closed) and that's wetherspoons, and then it's chain coffee shops (2 costa, 1 starbucks) and then chain restaurants.

Maybe the key is a bit of tolerance from some and a bit of awareness and consideration from others.

Bobbins1 · 10/04/2019 01:01

YANBU I’ve managed cafes & restaurants for 20 years-you deserve to be out and about with your kids, if people need silence or only adults around them there are places they can go to find that

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 01:03

if people need silence or only adults around them there are places they can go to find that

I really don't think there are. Certainly not everywhere.

NunoGoncalves · 10/04/2019 01:55

I really don't think there are. Certainly not everywhere

They can stay at home!

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 01:59

What anyone that can't tolerate noisy children can stay at home? How come mums and babies have the right to be out in public but people who need less noise have to stay at home?

NunoGoncalves · 10/04/2019 02:19

What anyone that can't tolerate noisy children can stay at home? How come mums and babies have the right to be out in public but people who need less noise have to stay at home?

Everyone has the right to be out in public. If someone can't handle the normal, everyday sounds of being out in public, they have the right to stay at home to avoid it.

LittleChristmasMouse · 10/04/2019 02:37

There are degrees of every day noise. Sitting in a cafe with a group of half a dozen toddlers, shouting, banging toys and watching cartoons isn't really every day noise. Eating in a restaurant with little kids leaning over your seats and pestering isn't really something you should have to deal with is it? As I said, in my town there aren't alternatives. I sometimes sit in costa and watch some of the older people who clearly come out just to be amongst people and they never look comfortable because it is just loud.

It's not what the OP was doing but I don't think it would hurt for everyone to just be a bit more aware of their impact on the people around them.

snitzelvoncrumb · 10/04/2019 03:13

Don't stress, it happens. As long as they aren't running around screaming at the top of their lungs it's ok. People make noise, it's not just kids. You should have said good work kids you got rid of those annoying people.

notangelinajolie · 10/04/2019 03:21

Well it all sounds fine and the couple were probably being a bit rude but I think cafe's are not always the best place for 9 month olds. They tend to get a bit grumpy just like yours did. Letting him down and allowing him to walk around was probably a little irritating to others who were sitting trying to enjoy their lunch/pot of tea. Leave the café for when your DS is a little older and able to sit nicely like your DD does. Perhaps you could leave DS at home with your DH and just go with DD for a nice treat.

PregnantSea · 10/04/2019 03:51

I know a woman who will get up and leave somewhere if a child dares to enter the building. She's loudly and proudly part of the childfree movement and thinks that there shouldn't be children anywhere in public that adults might want to go, even if they are quiet and don't do anything. We're not friends anymore, since I announced my pregnancy and she said "oh dear, there goes your youth". That was literally the first thing she said. I was 27 and happily married... Hardly a teen mum lol.

Some people are just weird, try not to let it get to you OP.

InionEile · 10/04/2019 03:51

It’s pretty obvious when you go out which restaurants are kid-friendly and which are better to experience without kids in tow. If you looking to avoid kids, it can’t be that hard unless you are in tiny village with only 1 pub / restaurant. Most places that serve alcohol, for example, are kid-free most of the time, especially after 6pm. If you hate kids and noise, just eat out later when the families have gone home.

I can’t stand eating somewhere that encourages dogs or pets of any kind (obviously not guide dogs) because I think it’s unhygienic so I just avoid places that give off a pet-friendly vibe. It’s easy to tell - there will be people going in with dogs, the place usually looks grubby and there is often a twee sign saying ‘4-legged friends welcome’ or something of that nature and a dog water bowl at the door. Ditto for kid-friendly places: crayons on the table, a kids menu, a ‘fun’ vibe, family meal deals etc. Just don’t go in!

Ihatehashtags · 10/04/2019 04:26

I have kids and kids crying/babbling at cafes incenses me. Leave!!!! And let everyone lunch in peace.

NunoGoncalves · 10/04/2019 05:17

There are degrees of every day noise. Sitting in a cafe with a group of half a dozen toddlers, shouting, banging toys and watching cartoons isn't really every day noise. Eating in a restaurant with little kids leaning over your seats and pestering isn't really something you should have to deal with is it?

Perhaps not. But that's not really what the discussion is about. I said people could stay at home in response to a poster who said "if people need silence or only adults around them", which is quite different to the scenario you're describing, and more in line with topic of the thread, which was OP's one 9-month-old in a pram.

user1480880826 · 10/04/2019 06:25

You weren’t being unreasonable at all. Some people are just dicks and don’t know how hard it is looking after kids, especially when you’re buy yourself.

If they were screaming and throwing tantrums I would have left but not just because they were babbling.

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