AIBU to back out of house-sitting for my friend with 2 weeks to go?

[Alwaysunderwhelming]

OK, I know IABU and I'm not sure I can go through with it, but I'm so stressed about this.

Me and this woman are mature students on a grad medicine course. I looked after her house for her last summer for a week. I stayed there and took care of her 3 cats.

She asked me to do it again this year. Initially I said it might clash with an event, but around December I said I would be free. She said "great, we can confirm the details nearer the time".

I heard nothing. In Feb I sent her a long message apologising but saying I could no longer help. The reason was: we now only have Good Friday - Sun 28th off university, and I need to have an appointment with my consultant psychiatrist that week. I have bipolar disorder and my reviews every 3 months are integral, especially due to the nature of my course and its stressors.

She replied and said "oh no, we've booked all the flights!" and said she'd nearly had a heart attack at my message. So obviously I said "fine, don't worry, I just won't see my doctor". I didn't want to create drama and cause issues. She also said she wants me to take the dogs, which we hadn't previously agreed, and she has booked the entire holiday period (literally from midday on Good Friday until the Sunday afternoon), so I can't go home and see my own family during Easter and will be alone in her house for the entire period.

I really wish she has asked me before she booked. She does pay me but the pay is of absolutely no consequence. I just want some time with my family and to see my doctor.

She also lives in a tiny village with no bus services out, and I don't drive, so I will be isolated for over a week without anyone to speak to. With the current status of my mental health and the stress of exams, I'm worried about the effect that'll have on me.

I can't back out, can I? I should have said no to start with. I'm so unhappy.

Well done for saying no. That must have been hard for you but was the right thing to do. I am actually quite shocked that someone training to be a doctor doesn’t have the sense to be more compassionate about your mental health. There is no way she should have pressured you into house sitting when she knew that would mean you missing your appointment at a time of stress for you and especially when you have a history of suicide attempts.

Well done OP for saying no, now ignore her guilt tripping.

The only good reply text is "Oh dear. Well good luck, hope it works out"

Don't agree to housesit for her again ever.
She was CF to book the whole of your only week off uni and expect you'll have nothing better to do. Isolating you, beacuse she's a cheepskate. Without asking you in advance for dates before booking it. Guilt tripping you in Feb to still doing what you said you couldn't, despite your MH concerns.

I don't think you are letting her down last minute with 2 weeks to go, she knows she badgered you in Feb and it was a problem for.you. you sent a long explaining text don't forget. She's a CF to still put herself /her cats above your health.

She cares about her holiday and her cats/dogs but not enough to organise proper robust arrangements for them.

There are teenagers or retired people who will pop in to feed cats once or twice a day for payment. She can't be that annoying that none of her neighbours will help. .. There are pet and house sitters out there or failing that, kennels.
Dogs weren't ever going to be your problem/never discussed. She knows her house is isolated.

If "one of them has to stay home now", well tough, they need to make more robust arrangements than rely on a fairly new friend who has already told them she's ill and would struggle to do it

I'm going to take an educated guess. .. neither of them will be staying home if missing the holiday.

OR missing the holiday!
Well done.

Did she know/does she know you needed to see the doctor for mental health issues?

I wonder if she didn't appreciate how serious missing the doctor's appointment would be when you mentioned it.

Well done for saying no. As others have said, she has plenty of time to find a pet/house-sitter. Don't fall for the guilt tripping. I hope you spend some quality time with your family and that you get to see your doctor.

adaline with respect, that's not the OPs problem, a pet owner (especially with dogs) should always have a plan B.

I wasn't implying it was. I'm just saying it won't be easy as just finding another sitter when the holiday is two weeks away. Anywhere decent will have been booked out months ago.

Adaline I guess finding another sitter could be hard. But it's not clear why OPs friend suddenly loaded her not just with cats but with the dogs as well. That's a whole new ask including walking them. And it's not clear why she ignored OP's original plea in Feb - though OP should not have backed down at that stage - which would have given the friend two months to find an alternative.

"we are both in a difficult situation now"
I cant believe she actually said that, well done for staying strong and defending yourself OP

Blimey, can't believe that people are saying that your friend will get sorted this near to when they go away. They will struggle (if not find it impossible ) to get kennels or cattery this close to Easter. I think that you should have asked a relative to come and keep you company, as you think you will miss them and don't want to be alone. Why can't you still see your doctor even if you are house sitting?

Dont listen OP, you are totally in the right, other peoples pet issues are not your problem!
You should absolutely prioritise your own mental health

Dont worry about being rude, the woman is a predatory piss taker, she's seen that you are vulnerable and tried to maneuver you into doing her bidding.
Be as rude as you can, drop this 'friend' and you'll never have to deal with her entitled nonsense again!
result!

Yes how are you ‘in a difficult situation’. Sounds bloody threatening. She’s no real friend. She ignored it when you said it would be tricky for you because of your docs appointment. Any real friend would have realised at that point not to push it with you and to sort something else out.

Back off from her.

She can fuck the fuck of fact with her we’re both in a bad position now.

What is she studying for? I would hate her to be in some position that requires empathy. Let alone the fact you said you needed to see your dr and she brushed that aside. She’s a cf through and through.She’s not your friend.

Well done op. It’s so easy for us to tell you say no. Stay strong. Ignore her emotional blackmail and have a lovely Easter and speak to your dr.

Well done OP! CFs always try to make their issues your issues, whether that is trying to dump their DC on you or other unreasonable facours. It really matters fuck all to anyone but them if they both go on holiday or not. You owe only to yourself to look after your health and needs. She did railroad and steam all over you to begin with. I think she deserves this for piling more unreasonable demands on you.

Good for you. Your “friend” is not being a good friend. For starters, she would have asked you about housesitting for specific dates, not just a vague timeframe. And then to expect you to miss a mental health appointment and guilt you about her holiday. Not acting as a friend. She will figure it out.

Standing up for yourself is an excellent step for improving your condition. It’s so important to realize that you are a worthy human being and that prioritizing yourself if normal human behavior.

You are both doing graduate medicine? An expensive course where you don’t get student loans and it is difficult to maintain regular paid work due to course commitments? I really would think one of the other students might bite her hand off for some paid easy work where they can study in peace or whatever. Can’t she send a whole class email? Not that this is your problem to fix of course!

She was being unreasonable to book without confirming dates and add in dog care without checking with you. You were being unreasonable to say “fine I won’t see my doctor”. She has been manipulative and self centred in her recent responses. And I bet she doesn’t stay home from her holiday.

You don't need a house sitter... the dogs can go to kennels

Well done OP.
You could have been in the position where you broke your leg the day before and had to cancel. She is no friend.

I'm so pleased OP that you gathered your confidence to say no in the end. I think other PPs are right that she was unfair and you did so well.

I think she was a CF the moment you'd sent that long email or.message saying you couldn't do it and why back in Feb. And she then pressured you and she knows that.

As one PP said
"...you shouldn't have booked flights without talking to me first / It is unfair of you to expect me to spend the Easter break completely alone just so you can go on holiday." anyway in the light of you disclosing such detail about your MH to her.

She's a friend of just over a year? From a course and has already had to cat and house sit for a nominal amount? And she added dogs in without asking you (cats easy, dogs are different unless you are very familiar with her dogs).

She was asking a lot of a friend of a year and for you to use your whole week off in an isolated area away from your home comforts and your family/support.