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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for this ticket

127 replies

SquashedToes · 09/04/2019 13:10

DD (15)'s friend bought her a ticket to a 'meet the celebrity' type event for her birthday (£30) about a month ago, friend did check beforehand it was ok. Last week something came up which means DD can no longer go, event was 2 weeks away at that point. DD told her friend and gave her the ticket back, friend has now asked her to pay for it as she can't find someone else to go. AIBU to not pay friend for ticket or should I just pay?

OP posts:
HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 09/04/2019 13:46

The ticket was a birthday gift! Do you all reimburse gifters for gifts that you can't actually use? What kind of madness is this?

Of course you don't but in this instance the friend clarified that the OPs DD would be able to attend before purchasing the gift. Therefore it is only fair that with just 2 weeks notice to cancel that the DD repays the money spent on the now needless gift. If the DD had said she couldn't go the friend wouldn't have brought the ticket.

HBStowe · 09/04/2019 13:48

Were you going to have to pay for the ticket even if your DD went to the event? If not then I think it’s a bit odd that you are expected to pay now.

If you were always going to pay then you absolutely still have to pay (or find someone else to go and pay instead).

TheInvestigator · 09/04/2019 13:50

Will the friend be using the money to buy your daughter a different birthday gift? If yes, then give her the money. If no, then tell the girl that it was a gift and you're simply choosing not to use it.

DeaflySilence · 09/04/2019 13:50

A 15 year old girl £60 out of pocket, because you have cancelled the outing she and your daughter were going on?!?!

Yes, you should pay, @SquashedToes, for both tickets. Do it now and you can then perhaps sell them on (even if you have to take a bit of a loss).

MrMeSeeks · 09/04/2019 13:52

Yes you should reimburse.
Your dd said she could go, now two weeks before the event she can’t? Ofcourse you should pay, what a let down!
Yes, i’ve the excuses, you should still pay

downcasteyes · 09/04/2019 13:53

Hang on a minute.

The friend checked with you that the date would be OK and bought the ticket as a gift - at a cost of £30 (which seems like a lot, is this normal in their friendship group?)

You then pulled your DD out of the event, having already confirmed. You're justifying this flakiness by saying that the other girl was caught shoplifting, and also that your DD doesn't really want to go. That seems beside the point to be honest.

What kind of an example are you setting here as a parent? That it's OK to cancel on people just because you don't feel like doing something any more?

Original poster
SquashedToes · 09/04/2019 13:53

Well I'm glad I asked! The handful of people I asked in real-life felt it was a gift and therefore friend was being a CF to ask for money. I was feeling uneasy enough about it to ask for a wider view and I got a strong response that we should reimburse her, so I will do so :-)

I'm interested that some posters think the shop lifting is not relevant. I probably could have made some arrangement to get DD there but DD was quite clear (rightly so in my view) that she did not want to be out with this friend if there was a risk she would be stealing as she didn't want to be in trouble herself. The friend does not seem remorseful about it. I'm not trying to derail the thread, but I do think it is a relevant point.

Anyway I will pay her back as consensus is clearly it is the right thing to do.

OP posts:
BlackSatinDancer · 09/04/2019 13:54

So, do I understand this correctly? your DD's friend bought your DD the ticket for her birthday. So, the ticket belongs to your DD. The 3 friends were going and, now that your DD has decided not to go, her friend will still have someone to go with. DD has returned her birthday present (the ticket) to her friend yet her friend wants the money instead?

Have I misunderstood this?

Shadowboy · 09/04/2019 13:55

But it was a gift? Why should she pay for a gift?

NWQM · 09/04/2019 13:55

@SquashedToes are you saying that there were 3 people going and 2 still are? So they are not out of pocket for their own tickets?

If the giver is still going I'm not sure I understand why - except they are hurt and disappointed by your DD giving back word - they think they should have their money back. It's your DD losing out.

Mememeplease · 09/04/2019 13:56

friend did check beforehand it was ok.

The ticket wouldn't have been bought if you'd said it wasn't ok. Of course you should pay.

JacquesHammer · 09/04/2019 13:57

But it was a gift? Why should she pay for a gift?

It was a gift that was only bought because the OP’s DD said she could go.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 09/04/2019 13:58

But it was a gift? Why should she pay for a gift?

Because chances are this friend only spend £30 on the gift because it was the price of the ticket and DD had confirmed she could attend.

If DD had said she could not go the friend is unlikely to have spent £30 on the birthday gift.

Original poster
SquashedToes · 09/04/2019 13:58

Also to be clear DD would have loved to go to the event - I don't think there is any flakiness on her part in that respect.

Yes there were 3 tickets bought in total. DD's was a birthday present and was not going to be paid for by us.

OP posts:
Travis1 · 09/04/2019 13:58

It was a gift though? Her friend can still go with the original person? Just because you do not use a gift does not mean that the giftee has to refund the gift giver? It's OPs DDs choice to 'miss out' on her gift.

We gave my SIL and BIL a restaurant voucher for Christmas. I'm pretty sure they didn't use it. Doesn't mean I'll ask for the money back? How bizarre!

Biker47 · 09/04/2019 13:59

You shouldn't pay, the friend is already going with someone else, and has been given the ticket back, so can presumably take another person or sell it on, fail to see how they're "out of pocket" in this. The friend is a chancer, she's not out of pocket in the slightest, in fact she's ahead as she has the ticket back.

notatwork · 09/04/2019 13:59

If the friend still has someone to go with then she isn't missing out.
Your DD should get her ticket back and sell it on facebook or gumtree.

Mitzimaybe · 09/04/2019 13:59

The friend wouldn't have bought the ticket if she knew DD couldn't go. DD confirmed she could go so friend bought ticket. Since DD gave backword, friend has tried to shift ticket to someone else but failed. So yes, I think you or DD should pay. Legally you don't have to but morally I think you do.

Travis1 · 09/04/2019 13:59

And actually if that's the rule I owe my MIL a fortune Grin

Steamedbadger · 09/04/2019 14:00

DD should never have said she could go if she didn't want to - then and not now would have been the time to make an excuse. As things stand I would pay for the ticket then if DD doesn't want to be friends with the girl she can back away after that.

MyKingdomForBrie · 09/04/2019 14:00

Well your update changes it then if friend can still go, dd is just missing out.

JacquesHammer · 09/04/2019 14:00

A reasonable compromise would be to suggest the friend sells the ticket on/finds someone else to go with but if they can’t, given the short notice it’s fair to reimburse her.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 09/04/2019 14:01

Also to be clear DD would have loved to go to the event

Would you have paid for a ticket if she had not received this one from the friend? It sounds like you would have brought it so she could go as none of the issues you have highlighted were a problem at the time of it being purchased.

almondykess · 09/04/2019 14:02

I think you're getting these responses because it's not clear from your OP whose birthday it is (your daughter's or her friend's?) and whether the ticket was intended as a gift. If your daughter had gone to the event, would she have been expected to pay for it?

almondykess · 09/04/2019 14:03

Oops, cross post Blush