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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Accused of drinking problem. Aibu?

146 replies

SalemShadow · 08/04/2019 21:56

I am a mum to 3. Work full time alongside dh shifts. I have a senior job working in London which involves quite a few social events over the years. I also have several circles of friends. Anyway there tends to be a fair bit if pictures of me on Facebook and Instagram at cocktail bars, pubs and restaurants over the years- drink in hand etc. Just recently a few people have made comments about my socialising and accusing me of having a drinking problem.. I barely drink at home. I only have a sociable drink on a night out which tends to end up on social media. Last week I won a cash prize and a colleague told me not to drink the proceeds. When I questioned what he meant he said I was an alcoholic (he is teetotal). i said of course not and he said in front of everyone that alcoholics always deny a drinking problem. I just don't know what to do now. I seem to have a party girl image. How do I turn this around. Aibu to be upset?

OP posts:

Happyspud · 08/04/2019 22:00

You are sure these people have no grounds for what they are saying?

If not, then they are very fucking off implying and straight out saying that. Maybe jealousy? Spite for some reason? Are you quite successful because people live to take down a woman who is doing well.

Wolfiefan · 08/04/2019 22:02

If you don’t want to be seen as a drinker then don’t put pics of you drinking on social media.
Do you actually drink more than recommended? Do you binge drink? Or is this person bitter that you seem to be out having fun?

Bodear · 08/04/2019 22:03

If a few unconnected people have said it maybe it’s sonething to think about. Do you know how many units a week you consume?

JK2012 · 08/04/2019 22:03

I can’t believe people who accuse you of been an alcoholic for having a few drinks at social gatherings.

I don’t drink but I have no problem with people who do drink!

It’s almosy like the tee-total guy wants to make the point he doesn’t drink at all.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 08/04/2019 22:03

If my FB page is anything to go by, I’m never without a drink in my hand. The reality is rather different, but nobody wants to take a picture of me taking the bins out or doing my normal work tasks. Is there any grain of truth in it? If not, don’t worry. Your colleague sounds like he sees an alcoholic round every corner.

Hairynick · 08/04/2019 22:03

All my in-laws are teetotal and unsociable, I'm the opposite, so I get the 'ooo hairynick loves a drink' ' have some wine' jokes constantly, it's tedious but I just ignore them. Their issues not ours.

JazzyBBG · 08/04/2019 22:04

Yanbu. I've had similar situation before. I've also had it where I've been out and totally sober not drinking, but having a good time, having a dance etc and people have commented as though I'm drinking. Some people are just boring, rude bastards I'm afraid

cardibach · 08/04/2019 22:04

alcoholics always deny a drinking problem
Funnily enough, so do people who don’t have a drinking problem. Only you know which is the case for you. Your colleague was rude though.

Original poster

SalemShadow · 08/04/2019 22:04

I definitely don't have a drinking problem. I just get out to some nice places and like socialising but not more than average. I just don't know how to stop this drinking image that a few people seem to have it me ☹ It's upsetting as I work hard and go the gym regularly

OP posts:

BiscuitDrama · 08/04/2019 22:06

What’s the background to the other few people? I’m wondering if they’ve noticed you being pretty pissed at events or something? That sounds really harsh, sorry. Just trying to work it out as it sounds awful.
They don’t have a common friend do they? I’m wondering if there’s a rumour being spread.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 08/04/2019 22:07

It's upsetting as I work hard and go the gym regularly - that doesn't preclude someone from having a drink problem .

Don't be photo graphed with a drink in you hand/drink soft drinks

Wolfiefan · 08/04/2019 22:07

You definitely don’t have a drinking problem? So you never binge drink and don’t consume more than the recommended units a week?
Far too many people see alcoholism as needed vodka on your cornflakes in the morning. Problem drinking is far more than that.
If you don’t need to drink to enjoy yourself, don’t binge drink and it doesn’t affect your life or relationships then it’s nobody else’s business.

Original poster

SalemShadow · 08/04/2019 22:07

Sometimes I feel people can be jealous as they are quite happy to sit at home in front of the tv all day every day being a couch potato. That's not me.

OP posts:

thewinkingprawn · 08/04/2019 22:08

It all just sounds a bit odd - several unconnected people have said you drink too much when in fact you hardly drink a thing 🤔

Wolfiefan · 08/04/2019 22:09

I’m going to guess you do binge drink and are being defensive because you know you drink more than is healthy.

Iflyaway · 08/04/2019 22:11

You work hard, have 3 kids you are bringing up.

But oh no! You may not enjoy yourself!

Tell them (pleasantly) to fuck off.

Jealousy, I think on their part.

Fiveredbricks · 08/04/2019 22:12

How many units do you have a week OP? How many times a month do you go out for a drink or two?

When you nothing above the norm... We don't know what you class as the norm. For some it would be the pub every night. For others every weekend. For others every payday. For some, just at Christmas and Birthdays and maybe a few summer time beers...

How much do you drink?

Fiveredbricks · 08/04/2019 22:12

When you say*

WorraLiberty · 08/04/2019 22:13

So one person has called you an alcoholic

A few people have accused you of having a drink problem

You do sound quite defensive really. I mean if you know for a fact you don't have a drinking problem, I'd just ignore them and tell people you don't want your pics on their social media accounts.

If the accusation still bothers you, try socialising somewhere other than bars.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 08/04/2019 22:14

OP you can change your FB settings to make it so no-one can upload a photo to your timeline or tag you without you approving it. I have it like that because I have a friend who tags people in every single outing and takes horrific photos

WorraLiberty · 08/04/2019 22:15

Sometimes I feel people can be jealous as they are quite happy to sit at home in front of the tv all day every day being a couch potato. That's not me.

That ^^ doesn't make any sense.

If they're quite happy at home, why would they be jealous of you?

sunshinelollipopsrainbows · 08/04/2019 22:15

You're not being unreasonable but I do hope you're being honest with yourself about how much you do drink and how often. I hope you take this an opportunity to have a quick look over it and see if they're right. Usually things annoy us when they have an element of truth that we might be in denial about.

saraclara · 08/04/2019 22:15

Sometimes I feel people can be jealous as they are quite happy to sit at home in front of the tv all day every day being a couch potato. That's not me.

If they're happy in front of the TV then they're not going to be jealous, are they?
Using 'jealousy' is a classic deflection tactic, to be honest.
If you have a party girl image, then you're probably a party girl. I don't know how you manage it with a senior job in London and three kids, but it seems you do.

Maybe dial down the drinking FB posts, and post about another area of your life sometimes?

Apoiads · 08/04/2019 22:19

Nothing worse than an ex alcoholic to diagnose all around them lol.

Pass no heed.

Purplecatshopaholic · 08/04/2019 22:21

Jeezo. You know yourself. Tell them Fuck. Right. Off

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